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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24631936">How to Be Yours</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/zayel/pseuds/zayel'>zayel</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aftermath, Angst, Buckle up folks Hordak does not like himself, Dorks in Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Entrapta through Hordak's eyes, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Hordak has it bad, Hordak on trial, Introspective Hordak, Pining, Romance, Self-Reflection, Self-Worth Issues, Soft Hordak (She-Ra), much-needed conversation, very soft</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 00:54:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>59,723</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24631936</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/zayel/pseuds/zayel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i> For the first time in his life, Hordak felt like he truly belonged where he was. Could he have this? The thoughts were naive and reckless. He hardly knew how to want for himself, he’d never done it before. The things he desired had a terrible habit of being stripped from him. </i>
</p><p>Hordak takes a deep look into his relationship with his lab partner and finds himself torn between what he wants and what he feels he deserves. Despite his best efforts, he learns about love.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Entrapta/Hordak (She-Ra)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>435</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>608</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Enter Entrapta</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The stillness of silence had always made him uneasy. Give him work; give him problems or equations to focus his mind on, but to be left alone with the quiet of his own thoughts - that was formidable.</p><p>Hordak had been born into the hivemind. From the moment he first had consciousness, he’d had a network of live feed from the thousands - never quiet, never still. Living each day, not as an individual, but as the innumerable many. Feeling like he was thousands strong. The constant noise was comforting; it meant that he was never alone. </p><p>He had begrudgingly learned to live without it when it was first torn from him, only to be reconnected for a brief time to then have it ripped away again. Voluntarily. If he were better able to interpret humor, perhaps the irony would be funny. </p><p> </p><p>There was entirely too much to contemplate after everything that had happened over the last few weeks and if he were being honest, he didn’t particularly wish to. While sorting through the myriad of thoughts in his head seemed profoundly daunting, it was somehow still more preferable than the quiet. </p><p>Hordak honestly never thought he would have the opportunity to retrospectively evaluate all of his choices. Once he summoned Prime and big brother had decided that Hordak had forgotten who he was, he knew it was all over. With the quiet resignation of a dead man, he knew the violent reprogramming was inevitable and he would be helpless against it. He’d seen it happen to others. His memories would be ripped from him and he would forget everything. There would be no coming back from that empty place. Who he was, his mission, his empire, his conquests, her,... no more.</p><p>Everything always came back to her. Like a pre-determined catalyst, it seemed that as long as he continued to live, Entrapta would never cease to surprise him. The static of his mind faded out when the image of her came into view. More recently, this brought a word with it into his headspace that he’d never used before. He’s certain he doesn’t even know how to use it.</p><p>Beautiful.</p><p>Wasn’t that what Etherians called something that they could gaze upon forever and never grow tired of? </p><p>Hordak was a clone; one of thousands, centuries of predecessors before him that were all identical, save for his unique defect. Prime and his own individual predecessors were physically different and Hordak had always wondered why - if they were truly ‘created in his image’. Thinking on it retrospectively, he believes that an unconscious part of him always knew that, like any ‘god’, Prime had to appear outwardly foreign, larger and more opposing to help give weight to the claims that he was all-powerful and omniscient, to give the common people an image to worship, to instill fear. </p><p>Hordak had initially only known of diversity beyond his brothers and Lord Prime when he was waging wars on other worlds; ‘cleansing missions’, their crusades, to bring peace to the galaxy.. Different planets, different species, different ways of life, but Hordak was only meant to see them as primitive, sinful, ‘in need of purification’ for the glory of Lord Prime. </p><p>Hordak had observed many species in his life, but they were never truly seen. Certainly not with a casual eye, barely even with a passing glance. They were tools or they were waste. They were executed and then they were dust laid to make way for the next tyrannical cleansing. Their only remains were scattered trinkets of what Lord Prime decided to keep in his gallery; littered remnants of lost civilizations. Now entirely gone.</p><p>So when it came to the perception of beauty, Hordak knew he was out of his depth. What was a clone to know about aesthetic? When all he had seen most of his life were his god, mirror images, death, and monotone? He couldn’t be trusted to be an apt judge of this quality.</p><p>Etherians were initially completely foreign to him. He, at first, couldn’t begin to understand how to categorize others with verbiage other than ‘not his kin’. Etherians definitively did not all look the same. Oh, once Hordak crash-landed on this bright, damp, unyielding rock, after he had been brutally separated from the hivemind, he finally had the time, or at least the apathy, to actually observe those around him. This was after, of course, the stretch of time where subsequent lack of feed from the hivemind and the eerie muteness - the deafening silence -within his own mind drove him to nearly to the brink of madness, but he had returned from that ledge. </p><p>After a few disturbingly inconsolable, quiescent moonfalls, he dragged himself out of his desolation to actually inspect his surroundings in an attempt to find purpose again. </p><p>He noted rampant diversity compared to his race. Rounded edges where his were sharp, varying muscle and fat distribution, various shapes, pigments, builds, and sizes; completely different organic constituents in some cases. But the variety seemed endless the further he traveled.</p><p>He could honestly say that he had never before classified anything or anyone as beautiful until now. </p><p> </p><p>There had always been something puzzlingly magnetic about Entrapta. From the first time he saw her; he often feigned professional indifference, but he’d always closely observed new members of his allegiance. He’d watched with detachment and some bewilderment as she eagerly bounced around the Fright Zone like it was her second home. He knew she was a princess and they happened to come in many vibrant, colorful varieties, so he was unsurprised by her bright appearance and high-pitched voice. She was small, even by Etherian standards, for a matured humanoid creature; older than she looked, seemingly non-threatening on her own. The prehensile hair was admittedly unexpected and still a particular feature he has never seen elsewhere. </p><p>Of course, at this time, she was merely a pawn and yet another means to an end. He couldn’t care less what her outward appearance looked like, as long as she served a purpose in his mission. And she proved herself worthy in that respect with her incredible talents almost immediately.</p><p>And as it always does, time passed and things began to change. He began to see her more clearly, less through the narrow lens of his objective, and more with his own deeply imbedded, keen curiosity. Starting, of course, with her vast intellect that simply could not be ignored. Just in this area alone, there was no way he could have ever possibly prepared himself for how very much there was to see. </p><p>He remembered feeling affronted and almost angry when she managed to repair the conductivity of his power source; an endeavor that had taken months worth of trials and failed attempts prior. He had only left the sanctum for about 45 minutes. And that was all the time she needed to resolve his quandary. </p><p>He was so flabbergasted and caught up in feeling previously unused emotions that he hardly knew what to say. The relief of a long-standing problem solved soothing his indignation and irritation, frothing over into anger and confusion, and then into just being.. impressed. But the nerve of this Etherian...</p><p>And she didn’t give him the time to think too hard about it either as she bounded over to her next interest; never still, usually chattering, and quite swift for someone her size. These were all details he had previously observed in passing that he now saw first hand. He quickly found that her extraordinary intelligence didn’t merely pertain solely to the fields of electronics and robotics, but that he had apparently been vastly under-utilizing her skills in the Fright Zone as she proved to also be proficient in physics, computer and electrical engineering, and mathematics; even possessing a theoretical understanding of the science of portals. </p><p>Hordak wasn’t sure he had ever met someone, on Etheria, or even within his own brethren, who was so adept in all of these fields at once. Being proficient in these areas of study was one of his specialties, after all. He was one of the only clones with the intellect to allow him to master multiple sciences. He initially thought he was bred solely for this purpose, but he later began to suspect it was actually another product of his defect. Part of what made his mind more susceptible to divergence from his programming to begin with. </p><p>It wasn’t only her intelligence that captured his attention. She was also remarkably stubborn as well. By that time, he had been ruling over the Fright Zone for a decade and in this time very few and far in between had ever spoken back to him. He maintained a menacing reputation because he had learned, like Prime had, that it was much easier to corral others into doing his bidding with fear rather than civility. </p><p>Hordak does not believe that Entrapta has ever once been afraid of him. That was different. Usually his ‘alien’ appearance already had people uneasy around him, and all he needed beyond that was some mystery and theatrical flair. People either stared at him or completely avoided looking at him and Entrapta.. did neither.</p><p>So when she asked her questions at the very start of their first real interaction, he answered. He was unable to justify withholding the information that she wanted about his power source and portal formulas. She had earned that much. </p><p>And yet she still didn’t give him a spare moment to finish delving into the rush of unfamiliar emotions she had just put him through. Now with an additional new feeling of almost unease from being near another sentient being who was possibly of the same or higher intelligence than him. That hadn’t happened to him throughout his entire time on Etheria. And even before that. Looking back, he knows Prime’s intelligence never actually held a candle to hers. </p><p>His knowledge of space is where he had her out-matched. He tried not to unpack the small, undeserving feeling of fleeting superiority that eased out when he realized this and he quickly regained his footing in his own mind. She was also the first to ask him about his knowledge of planets and his previous travels. Hordak would be dishonest if he said there wasn’t almost a thrill in being able to regale her with stories and science that she didn’t even know existed until just seconds prior. </p><p>And she was starving for knowledge. There was nothing that came out of his mouth that didn’t interest her to some degree, no aspect that didn’t need further clarification, and for the first time he had seen, he had somehow managed to capture her full attention. She was insatiably engaging.</p><p>This was the first time he noticed the way her eyes lit up when she was excited, almost sparkling with the green reflections of the screens around them. Her excitement and awe were nearly palpable. To be able to accomplish this with mere words and the knowledge he had long since possessed was a heady feeling. It felt almost powerful. </p><p>Hordak was almost reluctant to end the interaction; so new it was to him to feel this way. To have someone else find the same, if not more, interest in his passions than he did, and to understand them to the same extent. </p><p>She essentially invited herself to work with him on the portal, becoming more serene and comfortable in his sanctum than even he was. Their intellectual banter became something of a routine after that. </p><p>She was, from that moment, never again reluctant to approach him. He learned to be mindful that her entry into the Sanctum could come from any given direction, and sometimes, he could swear, even out of thin air. This was something he had to get used to. She was always animated, always excited, always loud. He pondered if she had some sort of external power source fueling her, because he otherwise couldn’t comprehend how one creature could possibly have enough energy to be, quite literally, near vibrating with vivacity all day long, nearly every single day. </p><p>She started every day bubbling over with questions and hypotheses she’d thought of the night before, or inquiries about a certain calculation or new experiment. Eagerly showing him her data pads filled with charts and statistics, papers strewn about, messily scribbled with formulas, concept sketches, and theories. Constantly babbling, whether it was to him or into her tape recorder, but he found that her voice didn’t grate on him the way he thought it would previously. He also found that he grew accustomed to the added background noise much more quickly than he had anticipated. In fact, it became almost too noticeably quiet without it. He did not have a favorable history with silence.</p><p>The dexterity with which she could use her hair to perform tasks was truly something fascinating. He couldn’t help but to observe the flexibility and multi-tasking prowess it had allowed her. For one, he’d never seen a creature move from one location to another as deftly as she did, and without dropping what she was doing with her hands. What she lacked in height was more than made up for by the strength and multi-purpose maneuvering capabilities of her prehensile hair. Purple became a common and oddly comforting sight within his sanctum. </p><p>She learned to travel the length of the Fright Zone entirely through the ventilation system, as quick and agile as ever. Which, he learned, was more efficient at getting her where she needed to be much faster than walking the halls. He learned to anticipate her arrival by the numerous clunking sounds he would hear in the ceiling that would grow louder in volume just before she popped her head out, or even just fell through entirely.</p><p>He found that while she was often scattered, jumping from one part of a project to the next, her work ethic was unparalleled. If her interest was held, despite her normally flighty nature, she could maintain focus enough to last for hours - often to a fault. She was Etherian after all, and he had read that her species should obtain about 8 hours of sleep per rest cycle, so he often wondered how Entrapta was still able to function on so little. And with barely the passing nourishment requirement it seemed, often simply forgetting to eat entirely. What she did consume, well, he couldn’t imagine the small, sugary confections she fed herself were either adequate or nutritionally balanced.</p><p>At the beginning, she would often be in the sanctum for nearly days at a time. He found she would often lose track of the clock, so invested she was in her work. He would often find her napping, hunched over her equipment or up against the robot she called ‘Emily’, or whatever project she was currently working on. She would be softly snoring and drooling onto her diagrams, her hair finally stationary, her short limbs sprawled out and sometimes twitching with her dreams. Somehow, she always seemed even smaller when she was completely still like this. Hordak was reminded that despite her strength and many skills, her species was still so fragile.</p><p>Hordak didn’t even work his Horde cadet soldiers this hard, and despite him not ever directly giving her ‘working hours’ per say, he felt a small sense of guilt from her working herself to exhaustion. He would note a decreased energy, decreased chatter, and a statistically significant increased margin of error when she was very tired - often after 24 hours of staying awake. He took it upon himself to formally instill boundaries and break times, and despite her stubborn nature, he eventually persuaded her to comply. He even gave one of the chefs the primary job of making her meals each day to make sure she was maintaining appropriate nutritional intake. She seemed grateful for this and her only request was that they be ‘small foods’.</p><p>She started calling him ‘Hordak’, without the title, and he found he didn’t mind. He had a hard time rationalizing forcing her to utilize formalities especially when her mental acuity rivaled his own. He knew that ultimately, he had the authority, but he couldn’t shake the gradual kindling of respect and he felt building toward her and her brilliant mind. </p><p>She became a resident fixture in his life, one that he had not only grown used to, but that he looked forward to seeing each day. He couldn’t remember another time where he had any sort of true positive anticipation for the day’s events. He wondered if this was what companionship was. He had, of course, felt kinship with his brethren, but he had never found an intellectual equal to share his ideas with. He didn’t think he ever realized how alone he was before, even if he counted his experience with the hivemind and with the connection to thousands of others and to Prime himself, he still seemed to uncharacteristically bask in Entrapta’s company. And she seemed to similarly enjoy his presence as well, for whatever that was worth.</p><p>Together, they achieved so much more at a much greater speed than Hordak admittedly would have ever been able to on his own. He recognized this entirely even if his pride took a hit. His life was no longer monotonous. He began to find a more personal satisfaction in what he was doing and he couldn’t help but to feel a sense of elation when Entrapta appraised his work. He supposed that may have to do, at least in part, with his conditioning as a servant of Prime, but he ultimately shoved this thought into a deep pocket of his mind as he did not wish to analyze it any further than that.</p><p>Something else Hordak had grown accustomed to was simply talking more often in general. Their discussions sometimes lasted hours. Hordak had never spoken so much in his entire existence. He had always been a clone of few words, but she was engaging, her thoughts were insightful, and her excitement was often contagious. In fact, he became consciously aware that he was smiling more than he ever had before as well. This was a new development that he tried to cease immediately, (Prime had never allowed them to emote), but he found himself unable to control his feelings of enjoyment around her. When she smiled and laughed, it was exceedingly difficult not to mirror her joy. Her sheer unadulterated delight was as bright as a supernova. </p><p>Hordak became well-acquainted with her mannerisms and her ways of expressing her emotions. Soon, reading these gestures became second nature to him. They both started to understand how the other thought and learned to anticipate the other’s needs. It sounds very foolish, but sometimes they really did finish each other’s sentences. He had also become quite deeply invested in what she had to say. </p><p>At first, they never discussed personal matters. Conversations were generally practical, regarding science and the portal, or a side project; often just lapsing into tangents about astronomy or theoretical physics. If ever they discussed anything personal, it was usually related to aspects of their physiology that circled back to their general performance or relations to what they were currently working on.</p><p>Entrapta, however, would sometimes openly discuss social dilemmas she would encounter - not usually to him, but consistently recording them out loud whether he was present or not. Through mostly unintentional eavesdropping, he found that these mostly involved interactions with his force captains and some sort of ‘friendship hierarchy’, complete with graphs, which was a side project of hers. 

Hordak recognized that Entrapta did not have the same social perceptions of that of her peers. Or even most other Etherians that he had witnessed. She was often very direct and literal, seemingly unable to interpret sarcasm or sometimes even common idioms, though he was ineffectual at this as well. She also appeared to have difficulty translating what others were feeling from tone and body language, and others often struggled to understand her in turn. Meanwhile, he had spent enough time with her to learn about her unique rituals and to understand them, intentionally or not. </p><p>To others, she often appeared disjointed,  uncaring, or lacking focus, when in truth, she always listened to everything that was said to her; even when she was concurrently working or not engaging the speaker. She was, in fact, startlingly aware of everything that happened around her, able to remember numbers and measurements that Hordak spoke aloud halfway across the noisy room while working on her own formulas. She was able to pick up on the subtle changes in the lab and to keep track of where all of her scattered tools were at all times. She was remarkably able to lead multiple trains of thought or start 4 different projects all at the same time and give them equal amounts of attention without losing her place. Hordak couldn’t possibly see these behaviors as anything other than assets. </p><p>Certainly, she zipped around the laboratory like some sort of feral primate most days, she hyper-fixated on minute details and things that were not always completely relevant, and sometimes she went on tangents and her focus was hard to reclaim once she had found something else interesting, but she always seemed to know how to best apply her talents to any given situation. Hordak could not consider these intricacies as deficiencies; they were all simply a part of who she was. </p><p>Unfortunately, Entrapta did appear to care how the others perceived her, perhaps even to a fault as well. Hordak himself had also never been very apt at social nuances given his nature of a being a clone. There was hardly ever any need for open communication at all with the hivemind, much less parlor commiseration. He appreciated that her literal nature almost seemed to make her incapable of dishonesty because he despised deception. Frankly, lying or interpreting lies had never been something he was good at because he was never allowed to be deceitful. With Prime’s open access to his mind, he also was not physically capable of it. So he never developed any sort of skill for it. </p><p>He also found pointless gossip a nuisance and he enjoyed being able to just discuss the facts and the tasks at hand - and in a level of detail that he had honestly never been able to communicate to another being who could keep up before. That, admittedly, became addicting.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The Art of Self-Preservation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p><i> Hordak, as a rule, does not become alarmed easily. He had schooled many of his emotions into resting stoicism. But to say that Hordak had been alarmed when he saw far too much blood oozing from Entrapta’s small digits was unfortunately an understatement.</i><br/> <br/>Hordak comes to terms with a few things about himself as he continues to reminisce about his time with his lab partner.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Entrapta had other flaws - aside from her Etherian nature, anyway, requiring more hydration, nutrition, and sleep than Hordak himself did. She was also incredibly, unabashedly reckless. </p><p>After the fourth or so small explosion in the sanctum, he had started to contemplate whether she had even a shred of self-preservation under all of that hair. Luckily, she didn’t injure herself often, but when it did happen, it was usually because she charged into a scientific experiment with the rampant ardor of a soldier on the battlefield; guns blazing, having analyzed all of the factors of her particular endeavor except for the ones regarding her own personal safety. Hordak knew better at this point than to think of her as dim in any light, but her lack of regard her own general well-being had him frankly concerned.</p><p>He specifically recalled a particular incident in the sanctum when the sound of a loud ‘pop' and her subsequent yelp had him almost immediately at her side without even thinking twice about it. He didn’t have the time to unpack the implications of his reaction at the moment. </p><p>She had been tinkering with a new robotic design, one that would be more miniature and compact than her previous models to help shuttle instruments and tools around. The prototype and attached circuit board were smoking and Entrapta had jumped back from her workbench. She hissed quietly as she peeled the glove from her right hand and Hordak noted the glint of a metal shard pulled away with the garment. </p><p>Hordak, as a rule, does not become alarmed easily. He had schooled many of his emotions into resting stoicism as Prime’s clone, but also when he realized that as a ruler, they were seen as weakness - especially considering the difficulty he had with dishonesty. But to say that Hordak had been alarmed when he saw far too much dark red blood oozing from Entrapta’s small digits was unfortunately an understatement.</p><p>Something like.. dread, curdled in his stomach as he hovered awkwardly next to her. She didn’t seem to notice his presence yet as she hopped over to the nearest sink and started to flush out the wound, uncharacteristically quiet and occasionally muttering under her breath. </p><p>Hordak was startled by his own reaction. He’d seen his fair share of blood before and he’d seen much worse casualties; he’d been a soldier. But it was <i>her</i> blood. </p><p>She used her hair to dig through a pile of her belongings, using her teeth to remove the other glove from her left hand, before pulling out a case that seemed well worn from frequent use and age. He stiffly trailed after her and watched as she pulled medical supplies from the case that appeared to be a first aid kit. To his sudden frustration, Hordak realized he knew very little about Etherian first aid and this had never been a problem for him before. He had medics to attend to his troops, but for the first time he was determined to fill this knowledge gap in the foreseeable future.</p><p>“..Are you...alright?” He inquired hesitantly, seeming to alert her to his presence for the first time as she quickly looked to him with wide eyes. A smile crossed her face when she finally acknowledged him as she pressed gauze to her right hand while using her hair to lay out a few other medical supplies next to her for use next.</p><p>“Oh, hello! It’s fine, just a minor miscalculation. I guess that circuit needs to be re-routed!” She said sheepishly, ending in a small laugh. He looked to her hands and without the distraction of a large amount of blood; he realized he’d never actually seen her bare hands before. She was always wearing her work gloves. He was almost intrigued to find that she had multiple, small areas of scarring along both of her hands and digits, noticeable only upon close inspection and only because they had healed a lighter color than her natural darker skin tone. </p><p>When she removed the gauze to inspect the wound herself, he saw a decent tear in the skin of the first two knuckles of her right hand, still bleeding. He felt nauseous with the knowledge that if she hadn’t been wearing her padded gloves, she could have lost her fingers. </p><p>He couldn’t help the concerned grunt that left his throat and whatever he was feeling must have shown through on his face because she looked at him again, tilting her head, almost studying.</p><p>“..Are you.. worried? Don’t be! This happens all the time! I don’t think there’s permanent damage, the tendons appear intact, and I still have good range of motion, see?” She exclaimed as she moved her fingers while continuing to apply pressure to the wound to stave off the bleeding. He saw her hands shaking; it had to be painful. Hordak was unconvinced and he wasn’t particularly thrilled with how unconcerned she was. He tried not to relay that the amount of blood the cut was still oozing made him anxious.</p><p>Again she seemed to pick up on his apprehension because she quickly looked away, almost seeming embarrassed and followed up with, “..Really! Hands just bleed a lot! That’s one of the reasons I wear gloves all the time.” She hesitated. “..Uhhh, there’s not usually anyone around when this happens… and that’s uh, concerned? So that’s.. nice,.. but don’t worry, I can take care of myself!” It seemed to Hordak that she was simultaneously reassuring him and dismissing him. As if she didn’t know what to do with his concern. She was clearly used to caring for herself alone and that just didn’t sit right with him.</p><p>But all Hordak could do was continue to stare uselessly. He watched her wrap her hand in a pressure bandage and tried not to think too hard about her mending her many wounds from various failed experiments over the years completely alone and how this left him feeling a bit.. disheartened.</p><p>He then snapped himself out of it and insisted that she report to the medical bay for further treatment. He had those medics for a reason and he wanted to ensure optimal healing. In the meantime, he would have to brush up on some basic Etherian first aid and medical knowledge if this was going to keep happening. Given Entrapta’s record, it seemed unfortunately inevitable. Perhaps he could even design more fortified gloves for her. He couldn’t risk catastrophic injury to his.. lab partner. Then the portal would never be opened. Or at least that’s what he told himself.</p><p>Entrapta initially resisted, insisting she was fine and more than capable of tending to her own wounds. Hordak had said something with a false air of detachment  along the lines of, because they worked together now, her drawbacks were now his drawbacks in terms of productivity. She eventually conceded to this, especially when he brought up the logic of possibly healing faster with advanced care. </p><p>Before she left, he told her to ‘endeavor to be more careful.’ This, for some reason, seemed to fluster her, as she pushed down her welding mask before climbing into the vents to go to the medical bay.</p><p> </p><p>Then of course there was the first portal explosion. When he grabbed her arm and shielded her at this time, it was pure instinct. She was small and he had found humanoid Etherians to be absurdly fragile given the magnitude of life-threatening dangers ever-present on this ridiculous backwater planet. In the very few moments prior, he found himself pierced with cold distress, a feeling he hadn’t felt since his departure from the hivemind. He was also flooded with unexpected anger, near-outraged that she would once again rush headfirst into danger with blatant disregard for caution. Only afterwards was he able to reconcile the feeling as something consistent with fear. </p><p>For a moment, he was startled with a sudden clarity; like watching himself from a distance, he became abruptly and strikingly aware that if she were gone,.. he would miss her terribly. </p><p>That’s when he knew he was in over his head. </p><p>‘Was this co-dependency?’, He remembered thinking. What was he doing? Clones weren’t built to be dependent; they were single entities that worked in groups and their only approved relationship was subordination under Lord Prime. Hordak lacked any sort of social programming. He was meant to live and die in service and ultimately be replaced by another clone brother, but never meant to rely on another living being. This was defective. This was weakness. </p><p>These intrusive thoughts, combined with over-working his impaired body and the damage done to his armor, seemed to exacerbate his condition and he lashed out because of it. With a storm in his head and pain in his body, he hazily stripped himself of his armor and tried to focus on plans to upgrade the now dated technology he wore. He really should not have been surprised at all at Entrapta’s subsequent return to the sanctum. Stubborn was one of her prominent attributes for better or worse.</p><p>He remembered feeling deeply humiliated and his mind lashed out in the only way it knew how - with more anger. This only compounded his pain and his previous anxiety. He was certain he was hyperventilating. His legs felt like lead, then his head felt light, and then darkness. </p><p>He came to suddenly, panicked, and while the pain had muted slightly, he realized what happened and who had picked his pathetic excuse for a body off of the floor. Shame creeped over him and he found he couldn’t even look at her. She was earnest though in her.. support. She wrapped him in a blanket and made him soup. She looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to talk, but she wasn’t gawking. This was a strange situation and he immensely disliked that he had no idea where to go from here. He didn’t wish to speak about his defect; he didn’t want her full attention on him right now. He was supposed to be her intellectual equal and how was he supposed to be worthy of that title if he couldn’t even <i> stand up</i>... </p><p>He didn’t want her to see; what was she to think of him now? How was he supposed to open a portal, or rule Etheria, or return to Lord Prime’s side when he was so <i>weak</i>. He tried to get up once more only to fail again. Relying on her to catch his frail frame. His atrophied muscle and scar tissue. She wasn’t entirely wrong about the armor holding him together. </p><p>The frustration and the shame diffused together and merged to form a separate entity in his head that felt alarmingly like despair. </p><p>He was so tired.</p><p>But she was as persistent as ever. For someone so small, she was a force to be reckoned with when she was after scientific information. She actually had a lot of strength in her short limbs and he was in pain and exhausted. He told her nearly everything, but he didn’t feel any better afterwards. In fact, he felt a fair degree worse. Like the failure he knew he was. He contemplated on how to make her leave so he could wallow in his misery alone, but she didn’t let him drift for long. </p><p>As inspiration struck her, Hordak could almost feel the crackle of electricity in the air as her elation about her newest project grew, ideas almost visibly swirling around her head. Their next exchange was one he would never forget, quite literally. He could only sit and gape at her like a mouth-breathing imbecile as she worked and leveled down his ‘imperfections’, calling them beautiful. To her. Fearlessly manhandling him into position with her hair in a way Hordak has never been handled before. It was jarring and unexpected, like he weighed nothing. He should have been more embarrassed by how easy it was for her to maneuver him into place. His heart was beating much too quickly and when he couldn’t find any words, he realized she’d successfully made him speechless. He resigned to letting her do what she would with him, lifting his arms like a mannequin. Who was he to stop her now?</p><p>At least until she said that she was a failure. How could she possibly say that? After everything, he hadn’t realized how high his opinion of her had become. How could she think.. She was so much better than him. </p><p>Everything after that seemed to happen quickly; Hordak was just trying to focus on his fatigue and slowing his heart rate, but the moment she said those words, he suddenly had so much to say. She silenced him effortlessly, something else that had never happened to him before in the decades he’d been on Etheria. Indignation briefly sparked up in his mind only to die back down seconds later as he listened to her.</p><p>And so, she made him new, structurally pristine armor that supported his aching muscles, easing his pain, and improving his mobility, all in the time it took most Etherians to tie their shoes. She wasn’t just better than him, she was.. incredible. </p><p>He only wished he could tell her as much. He stammered awkwardly through gratitude and then tumbled quickly into melodramatics as he thought about how simple-minded and foolish the other Etherians were to think of her as lesser. He felt almost compelled to defend her honor. And she somehow seemed to understand his awkward yammering, throwing him off yet again, touching him with her hair and calling him a friend. Hordak never had a friend before. </p><p> </p><p>He began to not only notice that he looked forward to seeing her everyday, but that her presence seemed to make him feel warm. A slow spreading feeling from within that was like sunshine on his skin. Her smile seemed to directly affect his sympathetic nervous system; elevated heart rate and a feeling almost like adrenaline quick to follow. He became hungry for it. </p><p>He found himself observing her for longer intervals, paying more attention to the acrobatic way she moved, the way she pulled herself about with her hair. The soft lines where he had hard edges; the compact muscling along her shoulders, her smell - oil, smoke, and the sweet-smelling shampoo she used - something she had to have procured from Dryl. The face she made when she was concentrating, how she hid her face with the welding mask when she was overwhelmed or embarrassed, how she tried to lift his spirits when he was in a particular mood, the unusual pigment of her eyes that he’d never seen on any other living being before. </p><p>He felt at ease around her. To everyone else in the Fright Zone, he had a reputation to uphold and a mask he was diligent about wearing around others, but not around her. They even developed small jokes between them. He would order certain ingredients for the chefs to provide her with the small pastries she coveted simply because he enjoyed bringing her happiness. </p><p>Their conversations grew more personal. He learned that she was born with prehensile hair. That it was flaccid when cut. That her parents had died in an accident when she was an infant and she had never known company other than her robot caretakers and the Dryl castle staff. That she was mostly self-taught and had a large penchant for sweet foods and carbonated beverages. That she understood tech more than people, often preferring to observe people in a large experimental social setting rather than be actively involved herself.</p><p>Entrapta in turn learned that Hordak required fairly little sustenance to survive, but he did need to eat. She found out on her own that he enjoyed eating things that crunched between his teeth and he did not have a high threshold for foods high in sugar or salt. That his eyes and teeth were not always red, that they had been green like Lord Prime and his brothers, and had changed when he was cut from the hivemind. He wasn’t sure how or why they glowed. How his defect, which he suspected was a genetic mutation, also eventually turned his hair blue. That Imp was a product of a failed cloning experiment and how an aberrant mutation caused him to grow wings and a tail; neither of which Hordak possessed.</p><p> </p><p>Without the influence of the hivemind, Hordak was left with self-reflection. He did not enjoy the silence in his own head. He’d been accustomed to filling up his headspace with his thoughts and theories, but, even more so than usual, he had acquired exponentially more to think about. </p><p>Hordak hesitantly undertook the task of unraveling a few things about himself. He wasn’t stupid enough to lie to himself and brush off these new emotions that occurred when he was with his companion like they were nothing. (They certainly didn’t feel like nothing, they felt like <i>something</i>.) He conceded that he was still only a (defective) clone and he would not consider himself well-versed in interpersonal relationships or aesthetics or identity, but if by definition.. attraction to something meant that he wanted to see and be near it everyday, that it was.. ‘beautiful’ and pleasing to look at in all of its forms, is that what this was? </p><p>He’d never once perceived Etherian characteristics in this way. What was attraction to a clone? Was this romantic attraction? He didn’t know how any of this worked, what he-, what his species was supposed to find attractive or aesthetically pleasing. As a clone, he was not taught much about his biology, much less about societal bonds, or...courtship and pair-bonding relationships... He was never even taught about basic reproduction in his species; what use was this when he and his brothers were made from cloning as they had been for hundreds of years?</p><p>But was this always where attraction led? Did friendship always lead to attraction? To a degree, he had to think so, but he didn’t have enough data to determine its significance. He just knew that he wasn’t supposed to feel this way. The desire for social companionship and romantic bonding should have been thoroughly bred out of the clones for generations and a large part of him blamed these thoughts on his defect as well. </p><p>Hordak had done a lot of reading and research after he got settled on Etheria. He had to learn everything he could about its cultures, history, environments, social structure, kingdoms, and rulers, to best learn how to blend in for survival and how to quietly build an empire on a new world. From this research, he gathered what Etherians found attractive in each other and how it varied from species to species. He learned about their courtship rituals, physiology, and reproductive habits almost without wanting to, but he believed it necessary. </p><p>There was a lot of varying and contradictory literature, but from this, he theoretically gathered what he should find conventionally physically attractive about Entrapta, at least if he were her species - a humanoid Etherian. Her species seemed fixated on certain physical attributes in the females that were apparently sometimes and sometimes not, related to their reproductive capability or compatibility. Features like the waist, hips, mammary tissue, and rear end. Entrapta was certainly not lacking in any of these areas, but individually they did not truly mean anything to him. He still didn’t know what he was supposed to find attractive. </p><p>That being said,.. on Entrapta, in Hordak’s deepest of thoughts, they were all appealing, but only because they were a part of her. And he appeared to like nearly everything about her. (He’d never be able to say that out loud). And it didn’t seem to be related at all to their.. reproductive compatibility in that way. He’d never even considered the possibility of.. breeding. He didn’t even know if he could. However, thinking about their potential reproductive compatibility in this respect made Hordak so incredibly anxious, he felt lightheaded, so he packed up and buried these thoughts for future avoidance.</p><p>Entrapta overall appeared.. very soft, and he would truly be lying if he said he hadn’t been curious enough to wonder what she would feel like if he were to touch her with intent. (Would he be able to without harming her? His claws were sharp..) </p><p>However, in this light of solely contemplating her mere outward characteristics – this gave Hordak a strange, uncomfortable feeling to think of Entrapta as only a sum of her physical attributes when she was so much more than that. He would be dishonest if he didn’t recognize that there was certainly a physical aspect of this ‘attraction’, whatever it was, but that had only developed later on, when he knew her more closely. To him, by far the most attractive quality about her was her mind. </p><p>It was all conjecture anyway. He certainly did not fit into any ‘traditionally attractive’ categories to Etherian females. On top of that he was frail and defective. Why would she ever wish to be touched by him? To be with her in this way was a near-impossibility. He didn’t know why he felt these things or what any of this meant. All of these thoughts were shared by their fair degree of confusion because he couldn’t begin to understand the complexities of a romantic relationship or why he would want something like that. He’d never considered anything like this before. It could only be his flaw that made him this way. He had a mission to uphold. He should not want this. </p><p>Only located deeply hidden in the folder of forbidden thoughts in his mind, when he looked at her, he knew he did.</p><p>Hordak decided that his desires in this regard were inconsequential in the end because he would never risk losing what he currently had with her. This understanding between them, this enjoyment he received from working closely with her was something priceless. As the days pressed on, no longer dragging, only passing; Hordak contemplated that while he had never known anything like this to compare, he wondered if this was what happiness was. </p><p>It was surreal to the point of him developing true apprehension regarding how much he didn’t deserve this and how it could not last. </p><p>Despite how relaxed he had gotten, there was always this claw of doubt in the back of his mind that told him he wasn’t worthy and that good things weren’t supposed to happen to a deformity like him. He’d been absent from Lord Prime’s light for too long, he was not just unworthy, but he was even sure he was deserving of reprimand. Prime would have never allowed the thoughts he’d been having.</p><p> </p><p>He and Entrapta spent over a year working together, harmoniously accustomed to the other’s presence - growing closer, becoming happier. </p><p>Hordak didn’t like to think much on what happened after this grace period. The feeling of betrayal hurt in a deep, visceral way that left him shaky and unstable. But even worse than that, was after, when he thought she was gone and that he could never see her again. That he would not ever be able to right that horrible wrong. </p><p>He was a gullible fool.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>
  <i>It's about the yearning. </i>
</p><p>The poor guy has it bad. </p><p>The next chapter will kick off in the present. Thanks for reading.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The Merits of Resignation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>
  <i>Could he have this? These thoughts were naive and reckless. He hardly knew how to want for himself; he’d never done it before. The things he desired had a terrible habit of being stripped from him. </i>
</p><p>She was alive and Hordak is elated. Local clone temporarily loses control of his stoicism, continues to be flabbergasted by a certain small princess, and contemplates what he deserves.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Now begins the present day.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In the very first moments when Hordak was jolted out of Prime’s control for the last time, his skull felt close to bursting for all of the abuse his mind had suffered in the recent weeks. When, out of the ether, a soothing wave washed over his consciousness and the pain was gone. Suddenly, he remembered <i>everything</i>. </p><p>Before he had any chance to evaluate this or the sudden return of his entire collection of memories, there was a shrill articulation of his name - <i>he had a name</i> - in the distance and after a dizzying moment of contact, he realized Entrapta was embracing him. There she was.</p><p>Entrapta. Before his ‘purification’, Hordak was certain she was dead. Entrapta, whose memory persisted despite his reconditioning; despite his tabula rasa rebirth and the multiple, horrific cleansing rituals (that he volunteered for) that left him blank, weak, and trembling. The faint trace of her memory still persisted. Somehow, she had managed to mark him so deeply, past muscle, bone, and sinew, that even when Hordak did not know who she was, who <i>he</i> was, in his most buried consciousness, he still knew her. </p><p>Trying to remember his life after he had found the crystal - her crystal - had felt like reassembling  shattered glass with his bare hands. No matter how much he put together, there were always small pieces that were still missing from the whole. And like what Prime had made him believe was associated everything that had to do with his former life, it was painful. </p><p>But Entrapta brought him back. She saved him. <i>She was alive</i>.</p><p>Entrapta, who, while Prime was using Hordak’s hands and Hordak’s body, had hurt her and threatened to kill them all in ‘cleansing flames’, but she was alright. She appeared unharmed and whole and something very tightly-wound inside of Hordak, anxiously tying itself in knots, was suddenly cut loose. His face fell into a smile because there was nothing else to do. </p><p>Entrapta was okay and his brother was gone, and Prime was dead, and Hordak betrayed his brother, and he was a <i>traitor, what had he done,</i> and he was <i>absolutely</i> not going to analyze these thoughts too thoroughly right now, because she was safe, her arms were around him, and he was alive. He drowned and purged the anxiety-ridden thoughts in his mind as soon as they surfaced as much as he was able, and he tried to focus on the small princess wrapped around his waist.</p><p>He couldn’t ascribe a name to the feeling that came over him then, certain this was the first time he’d ever felt anything like it. Almost euphoric. And he knew peace for the first time since..</p><p>Well, for the first time since before he thought Entrapta was gone. </p><p> </p><p>With the downfall of Prime and the war won, the atmosphere on Etheria was cheerful and victorious. Hordak was indifferent to the celebrations and tearful embraces happening around him, he only cared about the animated being that was currently latched onto his arm. </p><p>Entrapta had so much to tell him in a short period of time and he was so very content to tune the rest of the world out and listen. She could have told him that the sky was burning, the oceans had dried up, and that the world was ending, but as long as she was alright with it, so was he. She was so bright and excited, and her enthusiasm had always been contagious. Hordak could not stop smiling. Stars, he had missed her. Even when he didn’t even know what he was missing.</p><p>She grabbed his arm and pulled him along, talking nonstop, away from the others, and Hordak couldn’t care enough to look around him, to even see where they were going. All he saw was her. She kept saying how she was glad he was there, and he could not help but to feel warmed by the sentiment. He obviously felt the same, but he couldn’t begin to articulate it, even if he would have been able to get a word in edgewise. </p><p>When the princesses had had their share of reunions and basking in each other’s company after everything, they had initially declared hesitantly that they still needed to come to an agreement for what to do with Hordak, and for now, he would be a temporary ward of Etheria.  They assigned him a tent as temporary lodging and requested he stay in the area, as if he had anywhere else to go. Hordak had a feeling they weren’t prepared to linger their thoughts on another enemy at hand just yet. Entrapta had volunteered to ‘monitor’ him, to the visible dismay of some of the princesses, but it seemed clear to everyone present that she was not letting him out of her sight anytime soon, whether they accepted her proposal or not. </p><p>In the middle of a captivating tale involving Entrapta and a spaceship, she had acutely realized that Hordak had not been wearing her armor this whole time and worriedly inquired if he was alright. The way she looked him over made Hordak almost wish to shy away from her gaze. When she looked at him with that concern, that was often after she observed his weakness. He knew that it was too late to hide what he was from her, but he truly hoped that the lens through which he saw himself was not how she genuinely saw him.  </p><p>Hordak hesitantly explained that being tuned into the hivemind alleviated some of the physical manifestations of his mutation, by virtue of being intertwined with his central nervous system, but to his knowledge, it was still very much present. Prime had the clones make him physically look like the rest of them, (he couldn’t possibly have one of his pawns appearing out of place), and they had slightly fortified his suit to hide his physical deformities, but this did not provide the same support her armor did. </p><p>Remarkably, even after being cut from the hivemind again after Prime’s death, he did not feel as terrible as he thought he would. He still had a full-body ache that was typical for him, and his muscles felt weak and stiff, but he didn’t feel like he would faint from exhaustion like he had anticipated. Given everything, he had almost a suspicious lack of fatigue. Entrapta still looked him over wearily, and Hordak could once again almost visualize the gears turning in her head. She looked serious when she was deep in thought and Hordak had always thought the expression rather.. charming. He couldn’t help but think, however, that her thoughts were best utilized on subject material separate from himself. </p><p>Entrapta eventually commented excitedly that she would get to work making him another set of armor right away if he needed it. And if even if he didn’t need it now, it may still be good to have just in case.</p><p>She spent the next few hours jubilantly recounting, as she put it, ‘only a small fraction’ of her recent adventures. Hordak was so tired and grateful, his head felt both full and empty, and he could only fill his mind with her. He paid avid attention as she told him about her travels to space, her custom spacesuits, her samples from alien planets she was currently analyzing, a spaceship named Darla that he had to meet, samples from Prime’s ship, a clone she had apparently gotten into good graces with that she called ‘Wrong Hordak’..., and despite Hordak’s unwavering attention, he felt the exhaustion creeping in and he leaned against a large boulder, following her with his eyes, while she continued to pace back and forth, enthusiastically pantomiming with her arms. </p><p>At one point in the story, when she told him that she had modified a blowtorch to provide momentum in the vacuum of space to move around, she began to reenact this, suspending herself on her hair in the ‘weightlessness of space’ and then zipping back and forth like she had the blowtorch fueling her velocity. Her noises and enthusiasm were so full of joy it was frankly infectious. It was such a ridiculous thought and an amusing display; Hordak felt something akin to light-headed, cheer bubble over within him and he could no longer contain his mirth. It started as a quiet, deep chuckle, which Hordak attempted to silence with a hand over his mouth, but then quickly turned into a full blown laugh as he imagined her actually using such a primitive device for transportation to move herself through space because she <i>would</i>.</p><p>He was dimly aware that Entrapta had finally stopped talking and was now focused on him. It didn’t matter because he couldn’t stop. She seemed surprised for a moment, hovering on her hair before her eyes widened and she broke into a wide, eager smile. </p><p>“..You’re laughing! I’ve never heard you laugh before! At least not like that.. Oh, where’s my tape recorder?! This is so fascinating!” She exclaimed as she searched her pockets frantically, but the device was nowhere to be found. </p><p>Hordak couldn’t remember the last time he had laughed. He’d huffed and chuckled in derision, sure, but never from actual happiness. He wasn’t sure this had ever happened genuinely before at all. Somehow, Entrapta pointing it out and then pouting when she could not find her tape recorder made his current state even worse and he slid down the boulder, still chuckling uncontrollably, arms crossed over, holding his sides, until he was sitting. His abdominal muscles hurt from the new strain and he was having trouble catching his breath. The laugher finally died down and he noticed that Entrapta had sat down closely next to him, still quiet and now smiling at him again. </p><p>Hordak tried to school his features back to normalcy, as now he felt a bit foolish. He turned to her, meeting her eyes, and oh, there was that warmth again. She was gazing at him with something almost.. affectionate, like patient delight. How was he possibly worthy enough to be the focus of that gaze? Hordak was suddenly struck by the overwhelming thought of how he could have possibly forgotten her. </p><p>He only realized he had said it out loud when her eyes widened and she broke their eye contact, giggling and looking down. Her hair toyed with her welding mask like she had subconsciously wanted to pull it down, but resisted. Hordak recognized that as embarrassment. He was also forced to recognize that she rarely ever engaged in eye contact and he packaged this thought for further interpretation later. She turned a starry-eyed gaze to him again.</p><p>“I like it when you laugh! You should do it more often. Preferably when I have my tape recorder..” She said excitedly. </p><p>He felt a softer smile pull at his lips and he wanted to say that he had nothing worth laughing about previously, but he didn’t want her to take that the wrong way. He simply said quietly, “..I.. make no promises.” </p><p>Entrapta smiled back at him, seeming delighted that he responded at all, and leaned back against the rock they were sitting against. She started to talk and gesture with her hair again. </p><p>“If you thought that was funny, I have so much to catch you up on! I haven’t even gotten to tell you about all of the crazy things that happened on Beast Island!” She declared, starting to fall happily into telling another story. But Hordak could hardly hear what she’d said after that; at the mention of Beast Island he felt his stomach drop. </p><p>The memories from before were much clearer now; she never betrayed him and she was sent there to die. He thought she had. He thought she was gone. Suddenly he couldn’t stay silent, as if he had to right this wrong.</p><p>“Entrapta,..” He interrupted quietly. She stopped speaking and turned to him, noticing the change in his demeanor. He hesitated; there was so much to say - so much he felt she had to know. How was he supposed make this right? </p><p>“..I.. did not know.” He started tentatively. “About Beast Island. Catra lied and I was foolish enough to believe her. ..I had thought you were at Brightmoon, I did not know what she did..” He couldn’t meet her gaze and he looked down, gritting his teeth, ashamed. He let it happen, he was a defective fool.</p><p>Entrapta ceased her commentary and turned her whole body toward him, looking up at him with a crease forming between her brows. </p><p>“Hordak,-“</p><p>He shook his head, ears dropping, these old feelings were painful, but he had to tell her. “I had only learned what happened later. And by then, ..it had been so long, I thought you.. I thought you were..” His voice wavered as he looked anywhere but her; he couldn’t finish that thought. </p><p>“Hordak..” She said softly. He felt a touch to his hand and blinked downwards to see that she had grasped his hand on the ground next to them. His hand dwarfed hers, even with the padded gloves, and he remembered that this was the second time she’d held his hand.</p><p>As if she still didn’t have enough of his attention, her hair formed its own limb and cupped the side of his face. Hordak initially flinched as if expecting a blow before he realized what was happening. He thought she noticed, but thankfully did not acknowledge it. His eyes widened as she tilted his head up so he was looking at her. </p><p>“Hordak, I’m okay. It wasn’t your fault. ..And Beast Island turned out to be quite exciting! There’s a <i>ton</i> of First Ones’ tech there, and I actually had to leave a really sweet robot behind and I want to go back at some point-“, She became excited, but then seemed to catch herself. She looked to the side, contemplating.</p><p>“..And don’t be mad at Catra anymore, she already apologized to me for everything.” </p><p>Hordak narrowed his eyes at the name and barely suppressed a huff. He knew she disliked conflict between who she considered ‘friends’, however. An apology. After what she did-!</p><p>“..I could have torn her limb from limb. I thought you were-!” He halted and took a breath, ears flicking as he pushed the anger back down, it would do no good for him here. Hordak’s mind went back to his brief interaction with Catra while on Prime’s ship. And Entrapta was alright, she was with him. He wanted Entrapta to understand, he didn’t want to throw a tantrum.  He debated on whether to let the rest of the words out, but he couldn’t stop his traitorous tongue.</p><p>“..When I thought.. you were gone..” He said slowly, lowering his gaze and taking a breath, steeling himself. “..it was unlike anything I’d ever felt..” He continued to look down at their hands, hers still on his, still feeling too shameful to look at her face. He honestly did not ever wish to think about that time again.</p><p>He wouldn’t tell her that after Double Trouble had left him, after unearthing the truth, that the rage was only short-lived, but the despair, that lasted. </p><p>He wouldn’t tell her that the grief was staggering or how it made it hard to breathe. He wouldn’t tell her how he cried, how he hated himself; for both feeling this way in the first place, for letting himself get too attached, and for letting this happen. Foolish, flawed, defective..</p><p>He heard her sniff, her hair was still holding his face, but it was trembling. He quickly looked up at her, startled. Her face was flushed and her eyes had a shine like she was going to cry - and Hordak became increasingly alarmed, that was not what he wanted at all!</p><p>She squeezed his hand. “..Hordak,.. did you- do you really.. care about me, that much?” Hordak’s ears pinned back. Her lower lip trembled and Hordak felt rising panic. “..No one’s ever... I mean, before Adora and Bow came for me, I just.. thought I was meant to be alone, I’m just not good with people..” She trailed off. Hordak had no idea how to comfort her and was then quite puzzled by the overwhelmingly strong urge to do so.</p><p>“Entrapta..” He started hesitantly, before Entrapta turned her full gaze to him, resolutely meeting his eyes again. </p><p>“..I know I did already, but can I hug you again?” She inquired easily. Hordak’s heart rate intensified and he felt his face heat. Ultimately, he managed to croak out a ‘yes’ because he knew he could not deny her anything, and he didn’t know what else to do to stop her from crying. He felt bit baffled and then affronted on her behalf. How could she possibly feel that no one cares for her? He felt a very short-lived anger at her supposed ‘friends’ before she immediately drew herself forward with her hair and latched onto him, nearly crawling into his lap in the process. </p><p>He stiffened as she buried her face into his nape, arms firmly around his chest, under his arms. A firm, reassuring weight and pressure that was incredibly.. tactile. He was certain his heart rate was now immeasurable. Whatever discomfort in his body he had felt previously was forgotten. A dizzying emotion overcame him and he really wished his sympathetic nervous system would cease firing uncontrollably. </p><p>Hordak, in theory, knew what he was supposed to do; he’d seen other people ‘hug’. He slowly brought his arms up to encircle her and hesitated, hovering over her, suddenly afraid he would do something wrong. He had no idea what he was doing, who was he kidding? He realized he was still holding her First Ones crystal in his left hand, the one that helped save him. He wouldn’t be letting it out of his sight any time soon. He closed his fist around it again. </p><p>He felt her hair wrap around his back and waist, around both of his arms in multiple places, not maneuvering him, just, embracing, like she simply wanted to hold more of him. Like her tactile appendages were just part of the hug for her. He held back a shiver. This level of close contact was wildly new to him, but certainly not unpleasant. Quite the opposite.</p><p>He worked up the nerve to very slowly, cautiously lower his hands to her back, being very conscious of his claws. He kept his touch light in case she would wish to pull away. She was so warm. It was so much. </p><p>“..I really missed you, Hordak.” She said into his chest. He could feel the heat of her breath. He ducked his head and closed his eyes. His ears fell further and he had to actively stave off a full-body shudder. He let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding and curled closer into her. He was helpless not to respond honestly.</p><p>“..I missed you too..” </p><p>She felt both sturdy and absurdly small in his arms. His fingertips brushed the heated skin on her back through the gap in her clothing and it was warm and soft, it almost felt improper. He felt her sigh and lean more of her weight into him as she off-loaded from the rest of her hair. She seemed to be in no hurry to end their embrace. Hordak felt both weightless and grounded. Brittle, but like a fire had been lit between his ribs. He wrapped his arms further around her when she gave no indication of pulling away and tightened his grip.</p><p>Hordak could only exist in this moment. He let his mind go carefully blank as he twice re-buried the habitual thoughts that told him that he didn’t deserve this and that he wasn’t worthy of her affections. That he was a traitor, that he shouldn’t even want this. That after everything, he was still a failure. </p><p>(’Remember, your imperfections are beautiful!!’)</p><p>For the first time in his life, Hordak felt like he truly belonged where he was. That he was actually where he wanted to be. It was a frightening realization to come to terms with - that she was what he wanted and that there was nothing else. </p><p>Could he have this? These thoughts were naive and reckless. He hardly knew how to want for himself; he’d never done it before. The things he desired had a terrible habit of being stripped from him. </p><p>Entrapta started to pull away and he loosened his grip. She sat back, somehow completely in his lap, and wiped at her eyes with the back of her glove. Her eyes were still damp, but she smiled up at him and they sparkled like galaxies. Hordak knew right then and there that he would follow her to the ends of the universe. So long as he was permitted to stay with her. It was nonsensical and improbable, but he hoped she would keep him. </p><p>She looked to the side as her hair unraveled from him, looking almost sheepish.</p><p>“..That was very pleasant! I liked that a lot. Fascinating. Is your cardiovascular system activity increased as well? Are you especially proficient at hugging? I’ve never felt that way during a hug before. I think future repeated analyses are warranted. Remind me to document this when we get back..” She looked to the side and spoke more quietly than usual, but still rapid-fire in her questioning. Hordak felt his face heat, but it was hard to tell when his whole body felt warm. He just looked at her. He wondered if his gaze contained as much awe as he was feeling. She then seemed to remember that she was sitting on him and hopped off. And he was forced to quickly file away the feelings of reluctance he felt letting her go.</p><p>Hordak’s ears then twitched as he heard a faint noise. It sounded like retreating footsteps and Hordak was perturbed to know he hadn’t heard anyone approaching. He scanned the area as he rose and he saw someone, now a good distance from them and, quite swiftly, walking further away. He recognized her as the plant-based princess. Hordak gathers that they may have been seen. They were in a clearing, but sitting on the other side of the large boulder opposite the one facing the campground, they wouldn’t have been seen from afar unless someone had come closer to look around it. He could imagine that someone had been sent to check on Entrapta; they’d been gone for hours now. He decided that while he was slightly unsettled, if she saw or not ultimately did not matter. He had more important things to concern himself with. </p><p>“Ooh, it’s already close to sun-down.” Entrapta said disappointedly, looking to the horizon. “I still have so much to show you and I’ve already recorded a list of projects that I wanted to start when this was all over!” Hordak was just content looking at her. Entrapta had started to discuss how she had planned on bringing him to the spaceship, but then the exhaustion simmering under the surface made itself known again and he leaned a hand slightly against the boulder again. He ached everywhere, a dull pain, but again, surprisingly, he did not feel on the brink of collapse. However, his posture seemed to be enough for Entrapta to recognize his fatigue. </p><p>“Well! You likely need to rest; it’s been a long day. Or, long week. Arguably, a long couple of weeks, but there’s always tomorrow!” Entrapta paused, contemplating before gesturing with hand made of her hair. “Plus, we still don’t know how long you can go without your armor now that you’re not connected to the hivemind. Also, we don’t know if Prime’s possession of you will have any lasting affects. So I should stay with you to be safe! Let’s go back to my tent at the camp!” She exclaimed cheerfully. She went to take his hand with her hair, and upon the touch, he opened it instinctively to reveal the crystal. She looked down to it and her smile gentled.</p><p>“You still have it.” She remarked softly.</p><p>“Of course.” He said before wondering if maybe she would want it back. The crystal was essentially hers after all. He had been planning on keeping it, was that presumptuous? It had certain.. sentimental value to him now and it would not leave his sight if he had a say. “..Do you require it for the new suit, if we decide to build one..?” He inquired.</p><p>Entrapta blinked at the gem with the same soft expression before rising up on her hair, looking up at him, beaming, “Nope, it’s yours! Practically custom! I have a lot more materials to work with now, so we can probably find an alternative power source if we need it! Come on!” She looped a ribbon of hair around his other hand and gleefully led him back to the camp, exclaiming that first thing tomorrow they would visit ‘Darla’. He reminded her what the princesses had told them earlier. </p><p>Tomorrow morning, everyone was invited to a large, communal breakfast and afterwards all of the Princesses were to attend a mandatory meeting to discuss ‘business matters’ before a trial was to take place. Hordak was to make himself available during this time. He knew his fate would be decided tomorrow and this gave him a feeling of unease despite himself. </p><p>Hordak was decidedly in a strange place mentally after everything that had happened, but acceptance seemed to come much more quickly than he had anticipated. He accepted the fact that he deserved judgment. He had done terrible things during his time on Etheria. He had even recruited and involved Entrapta in those terrible things. Not without purpose, but now..</p><p>He recognized that Prime was a liar and a tyrant. Hordak recognizes his own past behavior because of this as severely flawed, but deeply-ingrained false pretenses or not, he deserved to be punished. </p><p>Even if being a clone and a fervent worshipper of Prime was all he’d known, was this truly an excuse for all he has done? All of the things that he did to gain Prime’s favor, (his attention, his affection, his <i>love</i>), were all… wrong. He’d been so thoroughly corrupted that even years away from Prime and the subjugation of the hivemind still did not rid him of their influence; his ultimate ‘purpose’ - the only purpose he’d ever known. </p><p>He tells himself this, even understands it, and yet still he feels like traitorous miscreant for betraying his broth- Prime. He still somehow feels as though he deserves punishment (purification) for this. He acknowledges deep down that it was not betrayal when Prime had simply made and used them all for his malevolent purposes. That he had lied to them all - the brilliant narcissist that he was - to propagate his ultimately selfish agenda. It was not betrayal because he had hurt Hordak multiple times, he cast him out, and he was going to make him hurt her.</p><p>No, he did what needed to be done, he had to, but why did the decision still feel like an open wound? </p><p>And even in doing so, helping to defeat Prime did not undo all of the suffering he’s caused. And for what? What good was he then – to either side? He had failed at being a subservient clone and he had failed at being a ‘free’ clone. Every decision he had ever made was wrong.</p><p>So he would await his judgment and he would accept it. What else could he do? He understood now what had to be done, even if it was very late. Alone in his weakened state, he would not be able to oppose their ruling. He would be no match for the princesses in a fight without the hivemind and without armor.</p><p>He silently hoped that if he would be allowed to live, that he would be able to be near Entrapta. That was all he wanted now – deserving or not.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Handle sad, self-deprecating clones with care.  </p><p>I have a lot of feelings about Hordak's state of mind after the end of the series. Learning to want for yourself is tough. </p><p>Thank you to those who have left comments, I greatly appreciate it. Please continue to let me know your thoughts!</p><p>As always, thanks for reading and be well.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. An Exercise in Trust</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>
  <i>Hordak could only look calmly back at her from his sitting position on the cot, another smile just nearly grazing his face.  He was so tired and her voice was soothing something that lived its life very tightly wound inside of him.</i>
</p><p> </p><p>Hordak and Entrapta settle in the night before the trial. Unconscious comparisons to Wrong Hordak ensue. Playful banter in the midst of this angst? More likely than you think.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As they approached the campground, they were also reminded that the princesses had told them that there was also to be a catered celebratory dinner that night hosted by the local townspeople that they had apparently missed the majority of. Many tables were lined up in the middle of the campground still filled with leftover dishes and dinnerware. Most of the crowd had thinned out into scattered, individual groups, and many of the princesses appeared to be lounging and commiserating around a campfire. The sun had almost fully set by this time and it was getting fairly dark. Hordak saw a large grouping of clones much further away sitting on the ground looking lost. </p><p>Hordak and Entrapta were regrettably forced to travel within listening distance of the campfire group as Entrapta continued to lead him onward towards her tent. What had appeared to be a heated conversation between the princesses abruptly stopped when their presence was noticed and Hordak felt suspicious glances thrown his way. Entrapta seemed blissfully unaware, mentioning that they should also probably take some food with them, wondering if they had tiny portions. </p><p>“Entrapta! Brother! It is good to see you!” A voice shouted. A clone was running towards them and Hordak stiffened, feeling his lip curl as he straightened his posture, instinctively urging Entrapta behind him and placing himself between her and the possible threat. He recognized this powerful protective urge within himself and knew that it arose because he simply wouldn't allow Entrapta to be taken from him again. He understood that he would sooner die than allow her to come to harm and the sheerly unconscious aspect of this made him wonder if he should be concerned with himself. But then again he quickly reminded himself that he was far beyond concern at this point. Entrapta, however, acknowledged this rogue clone and tugged on Hordak’s hand with her hair - still wrapped snugly around his wrist - looking up at him eagerly.</p><p>“It’s okay! That’s Wrong Hordak, the clone I was telling you about! Hordak, meet Wrong Hordak!” She explained, gesturing arms wide as the clone stopped in front of them, grinning. Hordak relaxed his posture. The other clone looked shocked. He turned to Hordak.</p><p>“This is the ‘Hordak’ you spoke of?!” He gushed, clutching his hands together in front of his chest while Entrapta nodded happily. Hordak wished he were quieter. </p><p>The clone turned to face him again, much too close, eyes wide and shiny. “It is an honor to meet you, my brother! Entrapta has told me so much about you! You are the first of us to have a name and identity! The first that was freed from Prime’s rule! The bravest of us all!!” Hordak was forced to lean back as the clone just kept inching closer to his face, yelling, before bowing deeply. Hordak was aware that many of the others by the campfire were now watching the interaction openly.</p><p>It wasn’t just the inaccuracy of the clone’s statements that bothered him. Or even the inappropriate, blanket reverence and unearned respect this clone seemed to have for him. But Hordak was more perturbed by the fact that it seemed that this clone was incredibly... functional after having just been disconnected from the hivemind. Entrapta had told him that this clone was the first severed from the network, but Hordak couldn’t help but to feel almost envious of his composure. It had taken him days (weeks) to cope with the loss of the hivemind when he crash-landed here. His ears flicked subconsciously.</p><p>“..It is.. good to meet you as well,.. brother.” He said haltingly. He hadn’t forgotten what Entrapta told him about this clone. “Entrapta has spoken highly of you.” In truth, Hordak feels he owes this clone a great deal for aiding Entrapta in her escapades with the rebellion. He seemed to have been invaluable in their victory and he did not wish to think of how things may have gone without his assistance. Hordak himself certainly did not help matters at that time.</p><p>The clone seemed somehow even more dazzled by his statements and Hordak had not thought he could get any louder.</p><p>“Oh, thank you, brother and Entrapta! But I hardly did anything worthy of praise! I am indebted to Entrapta for helping me learn of Lo-, Prime’s deceit and for supporting me through my existential crisis!!” He cried, holding up his fist before bowing again. Hordak knew the clones could be theatrical if they had status and were enabled to preach the gospel of Lord Prime, but even this seemed like overkill. At the very least, the clone did appear to be entirely genuine.</p><p>Entrapta hovered on her hair next to them, looking between them, contemplative. </p><p>“Hmm, we’re going to need a way to tell you two apart from afar. Up close, it’s obvious. Hordak, how do feel about re-dying your hair blue?” She inquired. Then the other clone looked like he was about to combust. </p><p>“<i>You can change the color of your hair?!</i>” He exclaimed in amazement.</p><p>That’s when a member of the campfire group approached them, the archer. For better or worse because Hordak wasn’t sure his constitution could handle being in this ‘Wrong Hordak‘s’ presence for very much longer. </p><p>“Entrapta! They’re starting to pack up the food, you should grab something to eat.” He looked hesitantly to Hordak. “And, uh, you know, you’re welcome to as well..” he said with a forced, nervous smile. Hordak acknowledged him blankly as Entrapta thanked him. The one named Bow managed to capture the attention of Wrong Hordak and steer him away, answering enthusiastic questions as the clone latched onto him, shouting excitedly, to allow he and Entrapta to procure food items in peace. Hordak could not help but to be grateful.</p><p>Entrapta tugged the stand of hair around his wrist to lead him over to the food tables while she surveyed her options. She made an exclamation about ‘tiny hotdogs’ as she filled a plate. </p><p>The murmurings of conversation rekindled around the fire as the archer rejoined the group. Hordak was not looking forward to more of these awkward interactions with his former enemies. Social niceties had never been his strong suit and he honestly was not certain how he should be acting around them. He was, by all intents and purposes, their prisoner. Just with an odd amount of freedom at the moment. </p><p>Entrapta finished her plate of petite items to go and while Hordak wasn’t especially hungry, he took a fruit mostly to prevent Entrapta from.. worrying about his lack of nutritional intake. They were offered a seat by the fire with the rest of the princesses who had yet to retire for the night, and Hordak could not think of anything he wanted to do less. When Entrapta politely declined, he almost audibly breathed a sigh of relief. However, she was perhaps too honest when she told them that he needed to rest.</p><p>As they walked off in the same direction, Hordak heard another exasperated comment from the direction of the fireplace that he didn’t imagine was meant for his ears. “..So are we all <i>still</i> okay with this..??” The sea-princess. She was obvious in her disdain for him and she truthfully had every right to be. He remembered the sea town of Salineas and their defeat was particularly unsavory. If it was up to her, he knew his punishment would be severe.</p><p> </p><p>Despite him having his own designated space, Entrapta insisted that Hordak rest in her tent where she can keep eyes on him in case he needed anything or experienced any unexpected side effects from the events of the day. And especially today, Hordak still honestly could not deny her anything, so she used this to her persuasive advantage and soon she had him reluctantly sitting on her bedding. Hordak hadn’t realized how tired his legs were until he rested them.</p><p>“You take this bed! I still need to finish running some analyses on my computer, I have an extra if I need it. Hmm, I don’t have any sleepwear for you. We’ll have to find you something different to wear tomorrow, if only to tell you apart.. Oh! You never said, do you think you want to dye your hair back? Or you could pick any color really. Or do you think it will turn blue on its own again..?” Entrapta looked at him questioning, sitting up on her own hair.</p><p>Hordak could only look calmly back at her from his sitting position on the cot, another smile just nearly grazing his face.  He was so tired and her voice was soothing something that lived its life very tightly wound inside of him. He thought of her questions.</p><p>“I am.. unsure. The color was part of the advanced stages of my defect, but since I am unclear how Prime reverted it back to this state, I do not know if it will return.” He hesitated, thinking. “..I think it would be.. good to have it back to the way it was.” He settled on. This seemed to please her as she clapped her gloved hands together over her crossed legs.</p><p>“Yes! I can help you dye it back! We just have to find a suitable chemical compound; they’re usually sold commercially. I’m sure one of the other princesses can help us with it.” She glanced at him again, losing some of her excitement. He watched as the tendril of her hair wrapped around his wrist tightened softly.</p><p>“You look very tired. Are you sure you’re okay?” She said, more quietly. She was worried about him. After everything. After finding out that his life’s work, his life’s purpose was a sham. Hordak knew she was also concerned about him needing a suit for his ‘condition’ and despite himself he was touched by it. She’s the only person who has ever asked him if he was okay.</p><p>“I.. believe I am alright. Tired.” He contemplated telling her more. He decided it wasn’t worth keeping information from her as she may be the only one who could figure out what was happening to him. “I,.. oddly, still do not feel as I was expecting after being disconnected from the hivemind for so long. Everything feels.. muted.” He looked at his hands. He never felt strong without his suit, but he didn’t necessarily feel weaker than usual right now either.</p><p>Entrapta hummed, resting her chin on her folded hands, contemplative. She sat on her hair so that she was about eye-level with him.</p><p>“..She-Ra can heal. I saw that she touched you when she pushed Prime out of you. Maybe she also healed the mutation? Or slowed it? Alternatively, maybe the hivemind effects can be delayed? There are a lot of variables to consider...” She said, rubbing her chin in thought. </p><p>Hordak hadn’t considered that he could have been healed. However, the physical manifestations of his ailment were still present, the atrophy and the scars, and he still felt pain, so how could that be? He looked back up at her when her hair tightened around his wrist again. </p><p>“I’m sure we’ll figure it out! We always do.” She was right. His gaze softened. If anyone could figure it out, it was her; maybe with some of his help. Selfishly, he felt a spark in him hoping with everything he had that they wouldn’t be separated come tomorrow’s verdict. </p><p>“I’m just glad you’re alright.” She said with a smile.</p><p>“Thanks to you.” He replied automatically. He would not have made it out without her. “You saved me.” It appeared that he was so thoroughly tired that he’d lost control of his mouth. He hadn’t meant to say that aloud. </p><p>Entrapta started, sitting further upright, looking confused. “I saved you? You saved me! Hordak, you were amazing!” She exclaimed, clenching her fists and rising up more on her hair. Hordak’s ears tilted back and his brows rose slightly as he observed her enthusiasm. </p><p>“I did not succeed in saving you..” He started to say matter-of-factly because it was the truth - did he truly deserve so much credit because he refused to kill her himself? And Prime regained the upper hand afterwards anyway.. but then she frowned and her excitement seemed to wilt. He did not like being the cause of that frown. He hesitated.</p><p>“..In.. the context of a brief period, it could be argued, but I maintain that it was you,.. your memory and presence that saved me..” He said tentatively, not willing to budge on this. He felt a small amount of mirth flicker under the surface, especially as she straightened, raising her pointer finger and grinned mischievously back at him.</p><p>“Well, I’m certain that I have enough scientific evidence to refute your hypothesis, if you really wanted to get into the facts..” She trailed off challengingly, eyebrows raised and playfully gesturing with her hair as hands. He realized she was teasing him and he felt mischief grow within him.</p><p>“It would appear then that we are at odds this time.” Hordak stated decisively, raising his head and closing his eyes with false solemnity. His guise broke entirely when he heard her laugh and a small smile appeared on his face again.</p><p>“Then we’re even!” She exclaimed with a wide smile, looking him in the face, nearly bouncing on her hair in merriment. He decided to continue playing along.<br/>
“I suppose I concede, for now.” He said, still not entirely believing it. Even in the basis of this silly argument, he knew he owed her so much more than she did him. “Though I reserve the right to re-examine this debate at a future date.”<br/>
She grinned, “It’s a deal!” Hordak smiled back. He had always thought her smile was dazzling. She then seemed to remember why they came back to the tent in the first place. </p><p>“Now, you should get some rest. I’ll be right over here!” She said as she left his side, using her hair to turn off the lighting and hopping into her computer chair. She was near enough to the cot that she was still able to maintain the lock of hair that was wrapped securely around his wrist. They both looked down at it at the same time.</p><p>Entrapta hesitated, and while the space was darker, he could see her face flushing. Hordak realized that she had essentially been maintaining contact with him in some form or another ever since he awoke from Prime’s control - with her hands or her hair, even as she gestured passionately while she spoke to him earlier. If anything, Hordak had deeply appreciated the contact. It made him believe that all of this was real. She looked embarrassed.</p><p>“..I would like to keep contact with you. Is this okay?” She asked meekly, not looking at him directly. Hordak may have felt his heart stutter, but he maintained. </p><p>“Of course.” He replied promptly, no questions asked. She gave a soft smile before turning to her computer. Hordak gingerly laid his crystal next to the pillow and hesitated slightly before laying down. He’d never slept in front of anyone before, and here he was, surrounded by a camp of his enemies. However, it appeared that he trusted Entrapta implicitly and she said she would be watching over him. While he didn’t deserve that comfort, it helped him relax. </p><p>Very shortly after, he already felt sleep starting to overtake him as he listened to the rhythmic tapping sound of her gloved fingers working on her keyboard. He reminded himself again that she was alive, replaying the long day’s events and his heavy eyes drifted closed. The tapping sound paused briefly as the blanket lifted over his shoulders and he was warm. Hordak sighed. Of course. He was always warm around her.</p><p>“Goodnight, Hordak.” He heard Entrapta say gently as he faded out.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sweet dreams. Rest assured, there will be more softness.</p><p>Much appreciation to those leaving their thoughts - please continue to let me know what you think.</p><p>Thanks for reading and be well.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. A Study in Vulnerability</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p><i> His tone was still soft. He said it as a mild threat, but Entrapta started giggling like he told a joke. </i><br/>Hordak wakes in the night and a moment is shared. Hordak has qualms. There is strange comfort in placing your life in someone else's hands.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hordak awoke to quiet, acutely remembering where he was. He could faintly hear the low hum of electronic equipment, and his ears twitched lightly when he auscultated one more low sound - soft snoring a few feet away. He opened his eyes, blinking in the low light. The surrounding area was only dimly lit by the screen of a computer, but his vision in the dark was keen. He sat up and saw Entrapta, finally still, appearing to have fallen asleep hunched atop her keyboard. </p><p>It was still dark. Hordak estimated based on how rested he felt that had slept for about 5 hours. He usually didn’t require much sleep at all; clones can stay awake for days at a time, but with his condition, he had been required to sleep at least a few hours every night. Five hours was a lot for him, but not surprising given how bone-deep tired he had been. But now his mind felt restless; agitated after all it had been through in the last few days. The battle for Etheria and the downfall of Horde Prime had just happened the day prior, and yet it already seemed longer ago.</p><p>He realized that a coil of Entrapta’s soft hair was still wrapped securely around his wrist as she slept. He observed her as she breathed in and out softly. Peaceful. She sat with her legs crossed on her chair and curled over on the desk, head resting on her folded arms. It looked as if she was attempting to be even smaller than she already was. Even the familiar snoring was endearing and he would be lying if he thought otherwise. An intense feeling rushed over him with how much he had missed her and how grateful he was that she was alive.</p><p>He was sure that she had somehow forgotten to mention how she had likely not been sleeping much over the past few days either. He knew first hand how her excitement would get the better of her and how she would go lengthy periods without rest once she was focused on an experiment.</p><p>As he watched her, despite the chill in the air now, Hordak felt warm again. He felt the shifting static fade out of his mind in time with her deep breaths. He turned his thoughts inward as he ran a claw softly over the lock of purple hair around his wrist. These feelings he felt when he looked at her, this affection, he wondered what it meant for him in the long-term. </p><p>At first, back in the sanctum, he’d try to block the emotions out, telling himself that it did not matter what he felt for her anyway because everything would change once Prime arrived. He’d spent so long reluctantly acknowledging these thoughts, these feelings - only because he couldn’t just ignore them - while simultaneously trying to bury them deeper because he was ashamed of them. He was so accustomed to telling himself that this was weakness and that he was broken for feeling these things in the first place. What scared him even more was contemplating if he really believed that now.</p><p>Now that he knows that his destiny is not what he thought it was, that Prime was not who he thought he was, where did that leave him? He was still a defective clone, but was he defective in mind as well as body? How else could he rationalize these feelings? </p><p>He was forced to re-evaluate everything he had once thought. From the outside, now in retrospect, he knows that his tendencies toward self-doubt are likely secondary to Prime’s conditioning, and Prime is dead. Were these emotions just a flaw caused by his mutation? Or was Prime lying about that too? Clones shouldn’t be capable of attraction or romantic inclinations, it didn’t make any sense. Either way, it was wasted on him; he did not deserve her.</p><p>He heard a soft humming sound coming from the direction of the person who was center of his thoughts and he looked up to see Entrapta starting to stir. She seemed to shudder, stretching her legs out. </p><p>“..Ooooh, that feels niiice..” She crooned sleepily. Hordak was confused until he realized that her hair was curling up in small, individualized strands around her and centered around this display was where he had apparently subconsciously started anxiously combing his claws through the length of hair that he held in his hand. The tactile hair that he had momentarily forgotten that she had sensation in. </p><p>He nearly dropped the hair in embarrassment. She turned her head towards him, still resting on her arms, looking at him with a sleepy, but undeniably blissful, half-lidded gaze. He straightened, ears dropping..</p><p>“Entrapta. ..Apologies. I hadn’t meant to wake you.” Hordak said awkwardly, voice hushed.</p><p>Entrapta just smiled sleepily and then stretched her arms straight out in front of her like a feline. Her voice was a lazy drawl. “S’okay. That was nice. You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve been grabbed and pulled by my hair over the past few days. It’s sore! But this? This is <i>wonderful</i>.” She muttered contentedly, drawing out the syllables of the last word. She readjusted her arm positions and curled back over her keyboard. </p><p>Hordak, not for the first time, felt affronted in her behalf. He knew he was one of the people who had grabbed her by the hair when Prime had possessed him, (he was present for every second of it), but he hadn’t known it was not the first time. He knew that Entrapta’s  hair had some sort of tactile sensation, otherwise she would not have been able to use it for the delicate tasks that she did, but he did not know the extent of it. He had imagined that it couldn’t be all too particularly sensitive given the fact that she walks on it and often uses it in favor of her own hands, but he knew it <i>felt</i>. He hadn’t considered that like a muscle, it could be sore from misuse. </p><p>He delicately, hesitantly picked up the lavender coil he held before and ran his claws gently through the abused strands again, almost as a test. She sighed in content, posture loosening. Hordak’s ears twitched as a prickling sensation ran down his spine. He was made aware again of how very good it felt to make her feel good. She looked like she was falling asleep again. </p><p>“You fell asleep on top of your work again.” He said quietly, slightly admonishing like they were still in the Fright Zone, but his voice contained no bite. He still combed through the pliant strands of hair. She just hummed contentedly back at him. </p><p>“You need to sleep appropriately. It’s your turn to use the bed.” He said, trying to wrestle back his authoritative tone he had once used with the Horde. She made a petulant noise, curling deeper into her arms.</p><p>“..M’fine here. You’re using the bed.” She murmured. Hordak knew had seconds before she was asleep again and reluctantly let her soft hair go. He stood, knowing that he had to be more firm.</p><p>“I am no longer using the bed. I’m finished sleeping. Can you maneuver yourself over here or must I carry you?” His tone was still soft. He said it as a mild threat, but Entrapta started giggling like he told a joke.</p><p>“Okay, okay.. don’t get in a tizzy..” She said quietly with a drowsy smile, as she reluctantly pushed herself up with her hair and carried herself over to the bed. Hordak couldn’t help the small, fond smile that grazed his face. </p><p>She deposited her shoes on the ground on the way and laid herself down. She curled up under the blanket, wrapping it tightly around herself, and nuzzling into the pillow. She murmured happily that the bed was “still warm”. She closed her eyes and Hordak felt it rude, but he couldn’t stop watching her. She was still wearing her welding mask atop her head. He did not know how she had not realized that; it had to be digging into her skin.</p><p>“..Entrapta, your mask.” He said lightly. It couldn’t be comfortable.</p><p>“..Hmm?” She hummed questioningly. He wasn’t sure she could hear him anymore; she seemed half asleep, half awake. </p><p>“..Shall I take it off?” He asked hesitantly. He didn’t want to overstep - before today they’d only very rarely interacted this closely, but he also didn’t want her fragile head to be even more sore in the morning for sleeping on the unrelenting metal. </p><p>She then cracked her eyes open to look at him and despite the darkness, Hordak suddenly felt like she was gazing right into his very depths; her eyes suddenly startlingly awake and aware.  “..Yes.” She said softly, watching him. She made no move to remove the mask herself. </p><p>Hordak blinked and took a moment to read between the lines of what she had just agreed to. He became acutely aware that this was no paltry gesture. This was a significant display of trust. </p><p>Hordak could only recall a very rare number of times he’d seen her without her facemask on in some capacity. And that was usually only when the mask itself required maintenance. These individual instances stood out in his memory because this was when he specifically made note that she did in fact have ears under her headpiece, and how very different they were from his own. </p><p>He knew the welding mask was a great source of comfort to her – that, he had determined within the first few weeks of working with her in the Sanctum. Which meant that she likely felt vulnerable without it. He realized that currently, not only was she was trusting him to be vulnerable with, but she trusted him to make her vulnerable. </p><p>He felt like he could shake apart with this new information. Like an electric shock had sped up his heart and his ears felt hot. The moment was suddenly much more visceral. She was still looking directly at him in the darkness, which was almost uncharacteristic. The air around them felt thick. Was this an experiment..? He didn’t understand at all why she trusted him, but he felt helpless to do anything in that moment but to follow her lead.</p><p>He lifted his hands and abashedly realized they were trembling. How foolish. How did she do this to him?</p><p>He carefully moved closer to her and slowly, hesitantly, bent down and reached to grasp the earpieces to her mask. He gave her time to change her mind if she wanted to. He was extremely conscious of his sharp claws near such vital and delicate features; his hands seemed so large next to her petite frame. He took great care not to catch her hair or her small, rounded ears as he gently lifted the mask off of her head. He managed to remove it while barely disturbing her place on the pillow. Something about it felt intimate.</p><p>She smiled softly, closing her eyes and nuzzling into the pillow delightedly, finally breaking her stare, before hiding the lower half of her face with the blanket bashfully.</p><p>Meanwhile, Hordak’s mind was still reeling as he stared at her, holding the mask in his hands. He didn’t think he had ever been so hollowed out by a gesture before. He heard her sigh again as he went through the motions, placing the mask gingerly on the computer desktop. His ears pricked up when he heard her speak lowly.</p><p>“..You’re my best friend, Hordak.” She said gently, muffled from the covers pulled over her mouth. Eyes still closed. Hordak’s eyes widened and he realized that he never stopped trembling. Incredible. His chest felt tight and he could swear his tired heart skipped a beat. </p><p>“..And you are mine.” Hordak said faintly, resolutely. He sat on her chair feeling winded; alight with a sensation he had no name for. </p><p>He watched her with wonder as his pulse slowed, as the trembling finally ceased, and as he became able to take deep breaths again.</p><p>He watched her long after the point when she fell asleep again, deeper into the night, as the First One’s crystal glinted next to her pillow. </p><p>He watched over this Etherian that he cared so much for, it frightened him. </p><p>The silence didn’t feel like silence anymore.</p><p> </p><p>Hordak watched her sleep for a long while, trying not to, as it didn’t feel right to observe while she was unconscious, but failing. He spent an awful long time wondering how she inspires these insatiable feelings within him and what to do with all of this perplexing affection he feels built up in his chest.</p><p>He left the tent in the very early morning hours to stretch his legs and walk around the grounds while there was still no one around. It was cool and quiet, still mostly dark as the sun just barely started to peak its way into the horizon. He’d taken the crystal with him and rubbed it between his fingertips, feeling daft for the comfort it brought him.</p><p>There was nothing else to do but think, as if he hadn’t already self-reflected himself to the brink. He kept circling back to his fate. Despite him feeling like he belonged for the first time when he was with Entrapta the day prior, he still didn’t know what his purpose was now. Without his previous aspirations, was he the same clone he was before? He was Hordak. He remembers what he told Prime. He did so much here on his own, but that was also done with imbecilic aspirations while thinking that he was not alone, that he would always end up back at Prime’s side. Why did he live now? A clone without a purpose was like an empty hard drive. Useless. Worthless.</p><p>He closed his eyes against a despondency he was all too familiar with. He thought of Entrapta. That perhaps he could live for her. But why would they let him? That would be far more than he deserved.</p><p>There was a strange comfort in placing his life in someone else’s hands. A life he didn’t know what to do with. If the princesses decided to execute him tomorrow, despite his pride, a small, resigned, and well-beaten part of him believes he would be alright with that. He did not even know who he was. The only problem would be Entrapta. He would not want her to be sad, not for him. For some reason or another, he was her best friend. </p><p>***</p><p>He returned to the tent well before he started to hear the noise of waking Etherians in the tents around them. The sounds only grew louder like some carefully controlled chaos and Hordak felt irritation make him tense. By some miracle, Entrapta was still peacefully asleep after sunrise, which meant she truly had needed the rest. He felt an itch to threaten those who would dare to disturb her. </p><p>Soon enough, later into the morning, there was an announcement reminding everyone in their camp to join the breakfast proceedings before the princesses’ meeting began. That woke Entrapta. He tried to pretend that he hadn’t been staring at her prone form for most of the night like someone not sound of mind, but she didn’t seem to notice anyway. She blinked and rubbed her eyes with a yawn. She sat up and a bright smile lit her face when she saw him there. Hordak was helpless not to at least soften his gaze back to her while trying to file that smile that was directed only at him into his memory stores for future reference.</p><p>“Hordak! I’m glad you’re still here!” She exclaimed happily, like she had expected him to leave in the night. “How are you feeling? Do you feel like you need your armor now?” She asked.</p><p>Part of Hordak truly wished she didn’t concern herself with his defect. The other part was still absurdly flattered by her concern and attention and he kicked himself mentally. He did not enjoy the word ‘desperate’. </p><p>Hordak told her that he intriguingly still felt alright. He kept the details to himself, but there was a similar level of pain as there was last night and it was mostly aching. Better after sleep. He would have to re-evaluate this later if he got the chance. She seemed satisfied with that after quickly glancing him over, seeming to find what she was looking for.</p><p>“I slept late! There’s still so much we need to do! But, uh, I guess I should change before this meeting. Are you going to come to breakfast?” She was already out of bed and shuffling though a bag on the floor that looked like it contained her clothes, then one that looked like toiletries. She was still not wearing her mask and she almost seemed bare without it. Hordak wondered if she noticed. His eyes were drawn to her small ears. He didn’t know why, but they were appealing to him. They were.. proportionate, and they fit her face well. Perhaps it was because they were so different than his species’? Because they were always covered? </p><p>There was a lot of commotion and activity outside of the tent, and after such a tranquil night, Hordak was truly in no mood to deal with the loud Etherians that surrounded him. </p><p>“No, I’d rather not.. interact with the princesses before my fate is decided.” He wanted to get this over with so the undertow of anxiety within him would cease. Entrapta paused and looked at him seriously. There was worry on her face.</p><p>“..You don’t think the princesses are going to punish you, do you?” She asked apprehensively, fussing with a shirt that was in her hands. Hordak could only blink at her. The answer was obvious to him.</p><p>“I am deserving of punishment.” He said stoically. It was almost an automatic response and if he didn’t believe it so much, it would have made him question it. That seemed to be the wrong answer to her, as her face dropped worriedly and she frowned at him. She seemed to realize that she wasn’t wearing her mask and put the headpiece back on, still just resting atop her head. She toyed with it with a strand of hair, as he knew she did when she was uncomfortable. </p><p>“I don’t think that.” She said simply, looking disconcerted. She moved closer to him and placed a limb of hair on his shoulder. “..Why do you think that? You’ll have to tell me. I don’t understand.” She said, a furrow between her brows. She had become much better at asking what he was thinking when she could not tell herself, even if she had become quite proficient at reading him.</p><p>“I’ve done irreparable damage to both the princesses themselves and to their respective kingdoms for many years. I have no doubt that they bear grudges, and appropriately so. Especially now that they know that my actions were.. misguided. I’m prepared to accept their judgment.” Hordak stated plainly. He did not expect anything less and couldn’t understand how Entrapta saw this any differently.</p><p>She shook her head and rose herself up on her hair so that she was closer to eye-level with him. She was about to speak when another announcement rang out, saying that the meeting was starting in 15 minutes. She seemed frustrated.</p><p>“..I disagree!” Entrapta blurted, looking right between his eyes, bright, but concerned, like she wanted to say more. “I believe we should finish this conversation when there is more time – this is important! I have data and not just anecdotal evidence, that I’d like to share with you that supports that-, that I don’t think you deserve to be punished.” She said it almost sternly. It was Hordak’s turn not to understand. How could she possibly think he didn’t deserve what was coming to him?</p><p>She seemed conflicted, but then ultimately gathered her things and headed to the bathrooms, leaving him to sulk. He did not like feeling that she was displeased with him, even if she should be. </p><p>Entrapta apparently stopped at the breakfast tables before she came back to the tent and she brought back a plate of fruits for him - ones she knew he liked. He could only stare back at her. She smiled at him before setting off for the meeting.</p><p>“Don’t worry, everything’s going to be fine! I’ll see you in a bit!” She said like she thought he had needed assurance. He wondered if he was that obvious.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>..I'm weak for displays of trust.</p><p>I realized that I had in mind the design of Entrapta's old welding mask, pre-Beast Island, when I was writing this story. Ah well. We'll pretend the mask never changed in this canon.</p><p>I was so blown away by the response the last chapter received - thank you so much to those who left their thoughts, you’re wonderful - it truly makes my week and it's appreciated. </p><p>As always, thanks for reading and stay safe!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Self-Interest is Subjective</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>
  <i>Hordak took a breath and held himself taller. He was only about to nullify every single thought that he had ever had, every step he ever took to get to where he was. Who he was. He glanced towards Entrapta. At least who he used to be.</i>
</p><p>Hordak resigns to his fate at the trial and believes that he deserves to be punished, but is punishment truly what he deserves?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>About an hour later, a guard came to the tent to escort him to the castle of Brightmoon. Of course, Hordak went willingly. He was led down various too-brightly colored halls and then guided into a large meeting room.</p><p>He stood in a room filled with people - a long table in the center and many differently styled chairs around it and in each, sat a princess, plus a few other guests. Entrapta was there too in the far corner, mandated to be there, however she did not appear to be very comfortable here, fidgeting in her seat even more than normal. Then there was King Micah at one head of the table and two guards standing in front of the exit from which he came. Even Catra was there as well, and for all he knew, she was no princess. She was sitting close to She-, Adora. He would have been blind if he hadn’t noticed them interacting very closely once all was said and done yesterday. He could only imagine that that was the main reason she was there. Looking closer, he also saw the archer next to the queen/princess of Brightmoon. Even Force Ca-, Scorpia, had a place by the princesses here. He wondered if they had spent the first hour discussing what to do with the previous allies of the Horde. She and Catra seemed to be particularly avoiding acknowledging his presence.</p><p>They were all staring at him for the most part. Some seemed reluctant to meet his gaze, almost skittish in his presence and others glared openly. For a moment, he allowed himself to think that at least he was glad that he hadn’t completely lost his touch. Part of him is surprised that he’d not been put in shackles prior to this arrangement. </p><p>“Hordak.” The new queen stood, putting her hands on the table in front of her. “You stand on trial before the royal guard of Brightmoon and the Princesses of Etheria so that we may decide on your fate in light of the crimes that you have committed against Etheria.” Glimmer spoke authoritatively. If Micah was back, did that still mean she was the queen? Has she been demoted back down to princess? </p><p>He had to hand it to them, as this was genuinely uncomfortable. He had never liked being the center of attention and he certainly didn’t enjoy his failures being paraded about in front of his enemies. Once-enemies. Without his previous goals and mindset, they really meant nothing to him now. He barely even knew any of their names. He didn’t have anything left to fight them on anymore. </p><p>When one is lacking purpose, it is difficult to inspire feelings other than indifference to hate anymore. Yet he also has enough sense within him to recognize his past actions as wrong. This took some time for him to absorb, but here he was. And everything done under, for, or in service of Prime was stained.</p><p>All Hordak could do right now was stand tall. He saw Entrapta still fidgeting in her chair. It was not easy for her to be still on a good day without an experiment to hold her mind and she was clearly uncomfortable with the idea of the royal family passing judgment on him.</p><p>“We have some questions, but is there anything you wish to say before we get started?” Glimmer questioned, still taking in a loud, commanding voice, mimicking a queen, but he heard her falter slightly. She was still just a child. He felt.. negative, about his portal being the reason her mother no longer existed. The reason she had to step up and become queen.</p><p>He was somewhat surprised that they were letting him speak at all. He had thought some overnight about what he might say if he were to address these Etherians. He had never been much of a talker, but a part of him that was definitively too big bore some responsibility for their pain. He wasn’t even sure if he regretted all of his misdeeds, but the more conflicting part of it was that he was more ashamed that they had all been part of another being’s master plan. That his ideas were not entirely his own and that he had let himself be Prime’s puppet. He had failed again and was discarded again, and he still had the nerve to feel guilty about cutting his own strings from Prime’s insidious grasp. He still had the nerve to feel empty without it - without the hivemind, without that praise, the mission that was not his own, and the bottomless worship. </p><p>Before he opened his mouth to speak, the too-young ice princess muttered, “How do we even know that’s Hordak? He looks the same as every other clone..” And she had a fair point. He was still in the same clone regalia and to his knowledge, the same matching hair, eyes, and teeth.</p><p>“That’s Hordak.” Entrapta then spoke up simply. Somehow she knew with certainty, even from afar. Some of them turned to look at her incredulously, but no one dared to ask exactly how she knew. They seemed to trust her.</p><p>Hordak took a breath and held himself taller. He was only about to nullify every single thought that he had ever had, every step he ever took to get to where he was. Who he was. He glanced towards Entrapta. At least who he used to be.</p><p>“..I recognize that my actions have harmed everyone in this room. I am aware now that my behavior was.. misguided. I also acknowledge that transgressions have consequences and accept your punishment as you see fit.” Hordak was resigned to his fate. He wasn’t lying to himself when he thought that leaving his fate in their hands was somewhat freeing. This was especially true in this current state where he felt like he was in purgatory in his own mind. </p><p>The table of people all seemed surprised by his resignation. Entrapta seemed sad and unable to look directly at him. She still looked particularly uneasy and he didn’t like that at all. He felt a bizarre urge to provide comfort, even if he wouldn’t have known what to do.</p><p>Some of the princesses in particular looked at him incredulously, like they were expecting a fight. Hordak could have sighed. He had come here willingly after all; they hadn’t had to drag him out of the shadows. He was here for their judgment. He’d never been one to hide.</p><p>Before the resulting silence could get too loud, She-Ra-Adora straightened and spoke up.</p><p>“..Hordak, I have a few questions.” She said, her voice was firm, but her eyes seemed uncertain. He lifted his head to look at her expectantly.</p><p>“How did you get to Etheria? You were here, by yourself, for years before Horde Prime showed up. Especially knowing how many clones there are,.. why did it take so long for Prime and the rest of them to get here?” She sounded like she was trying to sound authoritative, but she also seemed genuinely curious. </p><p>Hordak wasn’t expecting the question. He hadn’t begun to think that they would care how or why he ended up here, only about the things he had done during his stay. He was forced to find the words to describe his happening because there was no point in dishonesty now.</p><p>“..Etheria had not been a target for Prime at that time. ..I was.. not meant to arrive here. I was on the front lines and during battle; my ship encountered a portal that brought me here. That was about 20 of your Etherian years ago.” This is a story he had only ever told Entrapta. It was an odd feeling to have his past on display like this.</p><p>“So it was a total accident, that of all places, you ended up here?” The net-princess asked a bit skeptically. Hordak almost found it laughable that she would suggest he decided to come here on his own volition. By himself.</p><p>“Yes. You have met the other clones. Do you believe that I, as a clone, would willingly choose to leave Lor-, Prime’s side? And the hivemind?” He inquired flatly. She seemed to acknowledge that and a few of the other princesses then seemed convinced.</p><p>“So you came here by mistake. And after all that time, Prime and the others never came looking for you?” The queen-princess, what was it, ‘Glimmer’, asked again, still sounding like she was questioning his honesty. Hordak could have scoffed. What a ridiculous thought.</p><p>“Of course not. I was one of thousands. Disposable. Especially with-“ Hordak cut himself off. He had been so caught up in how ludicrous it would have been for Prime to look for him, for one lost, defective clone, that he lost track of his mouth. The princesses seemed to lean in in anticipation for what he was going to say. </p><p>“‘Especially with’ what?” Glimmer demanded. They wouldn’t let him off of the hook easily after that misstep. He hesitated. He felt the feeling of anxiety double in his stomach. Of course he did not wish to disclose information about his defect, but what would be the goal of dishonesty at this point? Assuming he could lie anyway, they would find out eventually. And ultimately, what did it matter anymore? </p><p>“..I am defective. It is why I was sent to the front lines to begin with. To meet a swifter end.” He said eventually. He said it slowly to spell it out that his initial being here was not part of some master plan. Some of them seemed taken aback by that. </p><p>“Defective how?” Adora interjected, tilting her head. Hordak’s eyes narrowed and he sneered.</p><p>“Irrelevant.” He muttered. Glimmer didn’t like that answer. </p><p>“I disagree. We are here for honest answers. If you refuse to cooperate, I can easily whip up a truth spell to put you under.” Glimmer threatened. Hordak grit his teeth. Surrender was tedious.</p><p>He did not wish to be under the influence of a truth spell if he could avoid it, there was too much nonsense running through his head right now that he would prefer to keep private. In the end, he would not be able to hide it any longer so he saw no point in even attempting deception. His fate was in their hands either way.</p><p>He let out an irritated breath of resignation and figured it would be easier to just show them. He used a claw on his left hand to tear the material on his right forearm until he was able to free his limb from the sheerly aesthetic structural armor he wore under the clothes that made him look like the other clones. </p><p>Before the princesses could say anything else, his right forearm was bare - his scarring, atrophy, and the gap between his bones for everyone to see. </p><p>Audible gasps rang out, at least two shrieks that were not gentle at all on his sensitive hearing, and the child let out a prolonged noise of either disgust and/or fascination. Everyone in the room reacted except for Entrapta, who was nearly vibrating in her seat from discomfort. It seemed even worse now with most everyone’s overtly negative responses. He knew he was hideous, but even for them, this seemed a bit dramatic. He was reminded that most of the people in this room were very young.</p><p>“...And that’s.. extensive?” Glimmer asked hesitantly. </p><p>“Does it hurt??” The ice child asked eagerly right afterward before he could respond to the first question. Well, he was never a good liar anyway.</p><p>“..Yes.”  Hordak said in response to both questions. He heard the plant princess whisper to Scorpia, “That must be why he wore armor all the time.” Hordak wanted to snarl and roll his eyes if that were in his character. This display, this mockery, he did not sign up for. </p><p>A thought then seemed to hit Adora. She straightened up and pointed at him, eyes wide.  “Ooh, that’s what that was!” She muttered. The rest of the table turned to her for an explanation. She seemed sheepish for her outburst for a second before proceeding to explain, actually speaking to Hordak directly. </p><p>“When I-, uh, when She-Ra, pushed Prime out of your body, I was.. in your head for a second - sorry that was kinda rude - but I also felt.. something big that was.. wrong. I kind of.. instinctually healed it? Or at least I stopped it from progressing? The damage that was done already may be permanent..” She haltingly elaborated before trailing off. </p><p>Hordak’s eyes widened. Entrapta was right. That must be why he’d not been nearly as weak or in nearly as much pain recently without his armor or without connection to the hivemind. If the underlying mutation was healed and the continued, active degeneration had ceased... </p><p>“I knew it!!” Entrapta shouted joyously. “That’s why you didn’t seem to need your armor anymore!” Everyone turned to look at her and she seemed to realize that her outburst was revealing his secrets. She blushed and pushed her facemask down with an awkward laugh. “..Whoops..”</p><p>Adora spoke up again, contemplative. “..While I was there, I also saw a memory, - again unintentional, sorry, - but, I saw me, as a baby. ..You didn’t kidnap me like I thought. You saved me. Why?” Her blue eyes looked conflicted and stared into his imploringly. The same blue eyes of the infant he found 17 years ago. </p><p>Hordak had been on Etheria for about 3 years. He was only just starting to assemble the beginnings of the Horde, still occasionally visiting the wreckage of his ship when he heard soft crying in the distance. He wasn’t close to civilization and no one was around for miles. He thought he was imagining the sound at first, but it persisted. </p><p>It wasn’t difficult to track with his hearing. A very tiny humanoid Etherian wrapped in a blanket in the middle of the field. He knew enough about Etherians at that point to know that they were not born precocious. The infant would not survive on its own.</p><p>He struggled to determine where it could have come from, looking in all directions. Was it abandoned? It wouldn’t stop crying so he gently picked it up and held it using knowledge only picked up from seeing Etherians holding their own infant offspring. It was so small and helpless, and despite the fact that it would be useless to Lord Prime, he felt a bizarre kinship with it. He wondered if it came through a portal like he did.</p><p>“..I do not know..” Hordak said, gaze dropping as he thought. This was somehow the most surprising question of the day. “..I could not leave it..you.. to die.” Hordak had never spoken aloud about this moment before. He’d never had to justify these actions to anyone. He had always thought that it was not what Prime would have  done, but that did not stop him from protecting the defenseless child and ensuring her survival.</p><p>The room was quiet for bit after that. The other princesses didn’t seem to know what to say to follow that up. No one had ever once thought that it was because of Hordak that they had She-Ra.</p><p>“..So, I thought we were trying to decide on how to punish the enemy? So far all we have discovered is that he’s an alien, that he’s broken, but She-Ra healed him, and that he didn’t kill a baby.” The sea-princess counted off dryly. They all seemed to look at each other both sheepish and almost.. conflicted?</p><p>“..What if we found a way to have Hordak re-build what the Horde destroyed?” The plant-princess tentatively suggested. </p><p>Entrapta suddenly brightened and spoke up. “I like that idea!” She exclaimed, mask still over her face. Hordak knew she was still uncomfortable; he was in a similar boat. “I already have some plans drawn up..” She said, pulling a data pad out of her pocket.</p><p>The sea-princess interjected again. “I think there’s some degree of bias here. I don’t know what’s been going on between Hordak and geek-princess, but this is Hordak we’re talking about. The one we’ve been fighting for years. The one who sent away King Micah and built the portal that took Queen Angella. The one that brought Prime here and destroyed Salineas. I don’t think some ‘community service’ is enough to make up for what he’s done.” She said, now angry. Glimmer and the king both looked pained. The mood of the room turned somber. Hordak heard pain behind her voice and couldn’t help but to agree with her. He didn’t like how Entrapta wilted, but this was necessary. It had to be. He was no saint. </p><p>Out of the blue another voice spoke up that Hordak was not expecting to hear.</p><p>“..He wasn’t the only one who activated the portal or destroyed Salineas, I did that too. I never asked for forgiveness and I don’t deserve any, but.. if I’m getting leniency because of what I did in the end to help, this should be considered here. Especially based on what Entrapta said Hordak did. ..Besides, if you’re worried he hasn’t suffered enough, he may have already.” Catra. Everyone turned their bewildered stares to her including Hordak. The words seemed forced, like she hadn’t wanted to speak, but couldn’t stop herself.</p><p>Catra’s ears flicked back and she seemed to shrink a bit in her seat under the room’s gaze while trying to play it off, sighing. “Look, I know we were on the same team for a while, but I’m the last person who was ‘team Hordak’ in the end, and even I can’t sit this one out.. Prime tortured him.” She stated bluntly. Everyone’s eyes widened. “Because his memories were coming back. More than once. His god, that he spent the last 20 years trying to get back to and trying to get into the good graces of.” She quickly countered, “I’m not saying that it makes up for everything he did, but I also can’t pretend it didn’t happen either. I also can’t pretend that most of his crimes weren’t also my crimes.” Catra crossed her arms resolutely. She seemed like she had to get that out, like she was holding onto it. </p><p>The princesses looked at each other and then looked back to Hordak. However, Hordak felt indignation and anger build inside of him. He could not bear the look of horror and worry that had come across Entrapta’s face and he resolutely looked anywhere else instead. They were all giving him strange looks. He hated it. He certainly didn’t need anyone’s pity and Catra had it all wrong.</p><p>“That was not torture. You misunderstood.” Hordak said firmly, voice low, eyes narrowed, looking directly at Catra. “I asked for it.” </p><p>If anyone in the room had not been paying avid attention to the current proceedings before, they certainly were now.</p><p>Catra sneered and straightened her posture, looking back at him, challenging. “Yeah, it wasn’t torture, and it’s not like I can still hear you screaming your lungs out in the back of my head or in my sleep or anything.” She quipped with a biting tone. Some of the other listeners now looked horrified. </p><p>“And you asked for it, sure, because he wiped your mind within 5 minutes of your ‘reunion’ and he made the memories more painful than being blank. That made the pain worth it, right? ‘All beings must suffer to become pure’? I was there, that last bit, he did to me. You can put up an act and pretend that wasn’t torture, but I’ve played with denial for nearly my entire life and honestly? I’m done with it.” Catra’s voice grew louder throughout her rant, but she remained eerily calm throughout. Her ears turned back and her tail was flicking irately. She ended with an angry film over her eyes. </p><p>Adora said her name softly and put a hand on her shoulder. There was not a single person in the room who didn’t look unnerved or shocked or a combination of the two. </p><p>But Hordak felt.. angry. He hated having his dirty laundry aired out over Etheria for starters, but now.. they were almost vindicating his actions and he didn’t understand why. He felt himself snarl. He wasn’t worthy of absolution, he was guilty. </p><p>Glimmer seemed to notice the change in his disposition. “..Hordak, ..do you.. <i>want</i> us to punish you?” She asked, confused. Hordak couldn’t believe he was the only sane party in this trial. </p><p>“That is what I am here for, is it not?” He stated slowly, nearly growling. This seemed to confuse everyone. He heard the muttering of small conversations breaking out around him that he couldn’t keep track of.</p><p>The archer – Bow - rubbed his temple and murmured something to himself before speaking up. “Okay, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but just to have all of the information out there... we saw what Prime did to the clones. How he… made them. How he conditioned them from ‘birth’ to be mindlessly devoted to him, how he lied to them and used them..” He took another breath. </p><p>“It was cult conditioning. I’m not saying that this makes everything better or justifies all of his actions either, but.. I have to look at the facts. To play devil’s advocate,” He sighed and looked at Hordak. “most of what you believed wasn’t entirely your fault.” He said it gingerly, like he knew it would be a controversial opinion, but he also seemed sure of himself. More chatter rose around them as they argued back and forth with each other about his accountability. Hordak felt vehemence rise within him despite himself, because that. Was. Wrong.</p><p>“<i>I</i> am at fault.” Hordak said with intent, forcing his clenched jaws apart. “I was without the hivemind’s influence for years and yet I still chose to be loyal to Lor-, Prime. I made my own decisions and I must except the consequences.” He shook his head, how could they not see how culpable he was? His past actions, his thoughts, they were his, not Prime’s. He was not under the influence of the hivemind. Even if he was a puppet, even if he still worshipped Prime, he still had his own choice, his own free will, didn’t he? To say that these were still all Prime’s decisions echoing over his own was similar to.. <i>erasing him</i>.</p><p>Another familiar and unanticipated voice cut through the noise. It seemed like Entrapta had had enough of keeping quiet and at some point she had lifted her facemask again. And wasn’t it just habitual for him to immediately listen in whenever she started talking? </p><p>“..Hordak,.. Prime used you; he brainwashed all of you - that was all you knew. And yet.. you still saved me. Even when you were only ever set free when Prime was destroyed.. To call you entirely guilty would be calling all of the clones guilty...” Her eyes looked so sad. “..Do you think that they are all deserving of punishment too? For what they were born into?” Her voice took on a soft tone and she looked at him cautiously. The room was near silent again as everyone watched the interaction with both ambivalence and rapt attention.</p><p>Hordak faltered. Something twisted inside him because he had always listened to her, but this was still wrong.  Her gaze was starting to look to Hordak startlingly like pity and he <i>couldn’t stand that</i>. </p><p>“No.” He forced out in reply. “They were still under the hivemind’s control. But this does not absolve my actions. I take responsibility for my own behavior out of Prime’s influence!” He didn’t mean to raise his voice, but this was important, she had to know that he was flawed in <i>so</i> many ways, more than she could see. He deserved everything he got, and he certainly didn’t deserve her. </p><p>Hordak continued, “..That “Wrong Hordak” of yours seems remarkably well-adjusted despite his early severing from the hivemind. I had no excuse.” He nearly scoffed. If he ever needed a reminder that he was not a good person, he essentially had his own dramatic foil right in front of him for comparison. And that clone was nothing like him.</p><p>“..Wrong Hordak?” Entrapta questioned, puzzled. “I don’t understand. There’s no basis for comparison between the two of you. ..He’s only composed now because we were there with him when the disconnect happened. He was.. he was a <i>mess</i> after it occurred, but he had people to help him though it - he had a support system.” She paused, looking abruptly much more sorrowful. “..When you landed here, you were all alone,.. it must have been-“</p><p>“Not. Relevant.” He pleaded firmly, cutting her off. He did not want to think about that dark time anymore. He did not want her pity. He didn’t want his perceived ‘hardships’ to represent him. He didn’t understand why they wouldn’t just sentence him already.</p><p>The atmosphere in the room was noticeably tense. Hordak was sore and tired of standing in front of all of them like an audience to his weaknesses. He thought he may be sentenced to die today, he didn’t think he would have to convince them to reprimand him. His mind took a brief trip back to what it was like to be held by Entrapta. He wanted that again.</p><p>“Hordak, what do <i>you</i> want?” Adora interjected to break the silence. The princesses turned to look at her. No one appeared overtly angry anymore. Everyone just looked a bit tired. </p><p>Hordak was so ready for judgment to be passed on him, for his fate to be in someone else’s hands, that he didn’t even know what to say to that. His ears and posture wilted. Why would she ask him that? No one had ever asked him what he wanted before.</p><p>“I do not.. understand.” When Hordak just continued to look confused. Adora elaborated.</p><p>“If you could do anything, but no more conquering or amassing power..? No more destroying property or building weapons? Or inviting alien dictators to Etheria..?” She pressed, waving her hand for emphasis. </p><p>She was genuinely serious, Hordak realized. And Hordak had never truly given this real thought before, he had just wished..</p><p>He felt the crystal in his left hand. He was grateful it hadn’t broken by how tightly he had been clenching his fist. He lifted his gaze to where Entrapta sat. When he tried to picture a future for himself, all he could think about was her. When he spoke, he continued to look only at her. </p><p>“..I would-,...” He had to take a breath to work up the courage to say it out of the confines of his own mind. “I would continue to be.. Entrapta’s ‘lab partner’,.. if she would have me.” He could not think of anything else he would want more for himself. </p><p>He saw some mouths drop open. He wasn’t embarrassed in front of the other princesses; he was more apprehensive about Entrapta’s response. This was asking a lot of her. </p><p>Entrapta gasped and rose up on her hair, nearly up into the table. “Yeess!!” She exclaimed loudly, a bright smile splitting her face while she shook her fists back and forth. “Of course!!” </p><p>Hordak gazed at her fondly, feeling a tingling of warmth in his chest again. She was willing to keep him. Even when he deserved nothing. How could he want for anything else? </p><p>The rest of the people in the room seemed to direct their baffled stares back and forth between them like they were playing the world’s most confusing competitive sport.</p><p>“…I am so confused about what we’re doing.” The child ice princess declared loudly, her face a mixture between confused and frustrated. Then King Micah, after saying virtually nothing this entire trial, sighed and finally stood up to address the crowd.</p><p>“Okay, I think it’s time for a recess. Then, the princesses will reconvene to decide a verdict.” He looked to Hordak stiffly. “..Hordak, you may leave, but please stay on the campground.” </p><p>The room broke with loud, exacerbated discussion and most of the princesses exited their seats. Hordak felt entirely drained. He didn’t understand Etherians.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The judiciary courtroom system of Brightmoon is a bit unconventional, but we knew that.</p><p>This chapter came to me in many pieces, it was a roller coaster to write, and it's meaningful to me. There is so much to take into account when attempting to 'judge' a character like Hordak, and then how he feels about it. I felt that certain things had to be shared and the cast had to have almost a 'conversation'. Allow me to use the characters to act as Hordak's legal defense.</p><p>Let it be known that I like all of the characters on this show and I just try to do them justice. They have a lot to discuss..</p><p>Thanks again to the lovely readers who left their thoughts, you keep me going, and please continue to let me know what you think!</p><p>All the best.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. What Can Be Heard In the Silence</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>
  <i>That’s also when he realized that Entrapta had returned. Hordak didn’t know how long she had been standing there at the edge of the crowd of people around them, watching the exchange. Just that there was a fair share of people looking at her as well. He only saw her bright red face and wide eyes briefly before she drew her facemask down abruptly.</i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Hordak is tired and Hordak goes off. Both Entrapta and Hordak face something entirely new.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Hordak!” Entrapta appeared next to him, snaking a ribbon of hair around the wrist of his now armorless forelimb. Hordak still stood exactly where he had been as most of the crowd exited the room. He felt a bit like he had dreamed this whole scenario and he had to take a moment to decompress. There were still tightly-wound feelings in his chest and in his gut, but at the feel of Entrapta’s presence, he felt a weight ease off of his shoulders. He looked down at her after a second and she looked up at him, smiling.</p><p>“..Are you alright?” She asked, looking a bit more concerned as her eyes dropped to his hands, which he now realized were ever-so-slightly trembling. “I know that was.. difficult..”</p><p>He cursed his display of weakness and willed himself to calm. His frail muscles were screaming at this point merely from being upright for so long, even with his supposed ‘healing’. The damage that was done was apparently done, the atrophy still ached and the scars still burned, but at least it may not continue to progress. Perhaps it could even be improved with additional therapies.</p><p>He was already moving by the time he realized Entrapta was guiding him along, leading him out of the courtroom and into the open courtyard, to an area where he could sit. Hordak realized that he had aimlessly followed her lead in his thoughtful daze without a second thought and wondered absently when he had begun to trust her this much. Somehow he knew she would not lead him astray.</p><p>Entrapta hummed in thought as they walked. “..Even if the underlying mutation is ‘healed’, you still seem to be dealing with the secondary effects.. We’ll have to consider additional therapies and you may benefit from a lightweight armor to assist with strength and mobility after all..” She theorized, rubbing her chin and looking him up and down. </p><p>Hordak felt his ears heat. He shouldn’t be surprised that they were thinking nearly the same thing. Part of him wanted to tell her that he was not worth her efforts, that the rest of the princesses could be condemning him to death for all they knew, that it was embarrassing to have her so focused on his defects, but he remained silent because he was also struck with the fact that she cared enough to want to ease his suffering yet again. Much like with his first set of armor she had made that had eased his pain and improved his quality of life drastically; he didn’t understand why she cared so much. So he just stared at her.</p><p>She suddenly stopped walking; screeching to a halt and Hordak almost ran into her. </p><p>“Oh, I forgot my datapad in the meeting room! I want to start a concept design for your new suit - you stay here, I’ll be right back!” She settled him in front of a bench before she scurried quickly back towards the palace.  She had likely meant for him to sit down, but he remained standing. There were too many people still around. He already appeared weak to these Etherians, he did not want to look even more like an invalid today. </p><p>Hordak then sensed a hostile presence come up to his side and he subconsciously rubbed the crystal in his left hand. He remained staring straight ahead, hoping it would leave. Today had already been so strenuous and he could already feel a headache coming on.</p><p>“What are you attempting to gain by working with Entrapta? I don’t buy the whole ‘lab partner’ bit for a second, so you can cut the act.”</p><p>Hordak narrowed his eyes. The sea princess again. He wasn’t in the mood to fight, truly. When he turned to assess, he saw her and the plant princess close behind her, the other princess not looking overtly angry or skeptical like her counterpart, mostly concerned about the whole exchange. Certainly nervous. Hordak let out a breath in the semblance of a sigh. Had he not spoken enough for today? She, what was it, Mermista, didn’t seem to be interested in backing down from her interrogation any time soon. There was an Etherian expression he had heard before; that there was no rest for the wicked?</p><p>Hordak turned his gaze back to the distance to feign indifference. </p><p>“..You are insinuating either that I am foolish enough to attempt to manipulate her, that Entrapta is foolish enough to allow it, or that I require a motive to wish to be near her, which is it?” He asked lowly, turning slowly to glance fully at her.</p><p>The princess appeared slightly taken aback, but she held her ground, lifted an eyebrow, and glared back at him. </p><p>“You’re using her. That’s the way it’s been from the start. I don’t believe that you’d want round-the-clock access to her again without a motive, so what is it?” She said firmly, crossing her arms. Hordak felt a wave build inside him, something fierce and protective and his lip curled subconsciously.</p><p>“You continue to underestimate and undermine Entrapta’s intelligence. I imagine it is one of the many reasons she left your precious rebellion.” He remembered hearing what Entrapta had said about these princesses into her recorder. How they treated her. How they made her feel about being herself. How much she desired their friendship and how she was often only useful to them as a tool. Hordak was a clone of few words, but now that he understood what was happening here, he could play this game. </p><p>“If you’ve interacted with her for more than 5 seconds, you already know that her intellect outmatches everyone in this camp combined, including myself. Likely all of Etheria. So I could not possibly hope to deceive her.” Hordak spat, ears lowering in anger because, truly, how dare she. Before she had the chance to retort, he continued. She would regret prodding him, now he had a lot to say. </p><p>“You imply that there is not enough about her alone that would sway me to want to work at her side? I’ll never understand Etherians, as you all seem to possess a type of blindness I couldn’t begin to dream up. Your ability to skim the surface and claim to know the whole while condemning that which is unconventional as inferior is truly extraordinary.” By this time, their conversation grew more stares and Hordak didn’t even notice himself becoming louder in volume or the atmosphere becoming quieter around them. He was livid on Entrapta’s behalf and he could not believe that these ridiculous Etherians continued to force him into speaking today.</p><p>“Entrapta is brilliant and anyone would be fortunate to be allowed in her presence. Why she deems me worthy, I do not understand, but why she deigned her toilsome efforts to please you all and your standards of normalcy is beyond me and clearly wasted on undeserving fools who do not even attempt to understand her.” Hordak could not longer stop himself. There was no restraining the words in his head; his mental filter, it seemed, was thoroughly exhausted by today’s events. “Say what you want of me, but to suggest that she would allow herself to be so easily manipulated is insulting.” He snarled. </p><p>The sea princess looked admittedly shocked and he had effectively silenced her. The plant princess looked at him with wide eyes and a hand over her mouth. Even if she wasn’t the one talking, she also seemed rendered completely speechless. It was only then that he noticed that most of the other princesses around them were staring at them in similar states of disbelief. </p><p>That’s also when he realized that Entrapta had returned. Hordak didn’t know how long she had been standing there at the edge of the crowd of people around them, watching the exchange. Just that there was a fair share of people looking at her as well. He only saw her bright red face and wide eyes briefly before she drew her facemask down abruptly. Hordak’s ears twitched and burned. He wasn’t sure if the gesture meant that he overstepped his boundaries. Did he embarrass her? He had lapsed into theatrics again; he didn’t know she was listening. </p><p>The silence pressed on for a few very long seconds and Hordak could only look at her with his ears lowered in trepidation. Then she abruptly straightened up and spoke louder than necessary.</p><p>“Hordak! I have the datapad, can you come with me, please?” She rushed out before zipping over to him, grabbing his wrist with her hair and pulling him away abruptly. He followed her lead with surprise and shaky legs, away from the others’ stares and back towards the tents. </p><p>Entrapta was unusually quiet as they got back to her tent and he watched, uneasy, as she started to pace back and forth in front of him with fervor, seeming to be deep in thought - her facemask still covering her features. Hordak wanted to sit down, his muscles ached, but he just couldn’t stop following her with his eyes. It was nonsensical of him, but he was concerned that she was upset with him. </p><p>“..I,.. apologize,.. if I spoke out of term..” He said inelegantly as she started to mutter to herself now, her hair moving in odd patterns, with her mask still firmly over her face. She stopped pacing and lifted her mask to look up at him. Her face was still flushed and her brow furrowed as she considered him. Then she looked confused.</p><p>“Why are you apologizing? You-, Oh, you misinterpret my behavior.” She bit her lip in thought before rising up on her hair to get to his eye-level and used two limbs of lavender hair to grasp his shoulders. He stiffened in surprise as he was forced to look into her magenta eyes. </p><p>“..Hordak,..” She implored, looking directly into his face, almost willing him to listen because she had something important to say. “..I’ve been different my whole life.. I’ve lived outside of others because they didn’t understand me and I didn’t understand them, and that was fine...” She moved closer to him and she didn’t look him directly in the eyes, she often did not, but she was very close to him and he was very conscious of it. “..And I,..  accepted that I would never be understood by anyone else, which was also fine, I had my bots and everything, but you,” She gripped his shoulders even more firmly with her hair. </p><p>“..Hordak, <i>you</i> understand me. In the Sanctum, and now, even after all this time.. I’ve- I’ve never..” She seemed almost awed. She glanced to the side, a look of desperation coming across her features. She had been inching her face closer and closer to his and he had been leaning his head back to avoid a collision. She still had a firm grasp of his shoulders, keeping him in place. </p><p>Then she abruptly withdrew, letting go of him and lowering herself to the floor again. She started pacing again, back and forth, this time even more frantically. She started muttering to herself like she had her tape recorder on her when Hordak was certain that she did not. He could only follow her with his eyes, watching the strange display, brows raised in nervous anticipation. </p><p>“…Personal dilemma number, uhh, 48,..umm..” She looked back up at him and she looked conflicted and more flustered than ever. Hordak had never seen her like this before and it was making him anxious.</p><p>She seemed to come to some kind of conclusion and she stopped in her tracks and she let out a breath, shoulders dropping like a burden had been eased off. She was still not looking at him directly.</p><p>“..Just,.. hold still for a second, okay?” She murmured to him quietly. Hordak was starting to become truly worried and he started to say her name to ask what was happening, but she didn’t give him much time. Suddenly her face was very close and then her lips were pressed to his cheek. </p><p>It was quick. He felt it (soft, warm pressure) and then it was gone. She stopped his attempted speech entirely along with his breathing. He felt his brows nearly touch his hairline and then his face just went hot as his mind went blank. </p><p>If his legs were shaky before..</p><p>Entrapta had backed away from him quickly, hovering a few feet in front of him on her hair, looking at him anxiously. She fidgeted with her gloved hands in front of her and her face was looking a much brighter shade of red than before. Then she lowered herself to the floor and started pacing again. And talking, lots of talking.</p><p>“Was that okay? Should I have asked first? Oh, I should have asked, I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable! Consent is important!” She said sternly, shaking a fist, still mobile. “Ahh, I don’t know what I’m doing! I’m sorry, I’ve never kissed anyone before!!” She rambled before drawing out the last word, tugging at her own hair with her gloved hands in distress. </p><p>A..kiss? </p><p>Oh.</p><p>Embarrassingly, Hordak could barely process what she was saying and he should have been more alarmed by that fact. He sunk down to sit on the cot behind him, now unable to find the strength to remain standing. His clawed hand went to touch his face, like he was trying to capture the memory. He knew that was foolish, she had not marked him or anything..</p><p>Her lips were soft.</p><p>He recognized a fluttering feeling in his stomach that amplified at the thought. Entrapta was still pacing directly in front of him, stressed, and speaking frantically. Hordak tried his best to tune back into what she was saying. It felt like his wires had been crossed and the world was floating. </p><p>“..and I don’t even know if you like to be touched! You were never touchy before. I’ve been really enjoying our closer interactions over the past 24 hours, but I didn’t think fully about the sociological implications! You’re not Etherian, and I barely know how societal bonds work here, much less in other species! And that could have meant something completely different in your culture!” She paused, stopping in front of him and looking at his face with a new determination. Hordak had a hard time thinking past the now extremely vibrant color of her eyes. </p><p>“To elaborate - I kissed your cheek as an, uhh, affectionate gesture of,.. gratitude, I guess, for understanding me and being.. chivalrous.. It’s an Etherian thing; I’ve seen it in cinema. Are you okay?” Entrapta said all at once without taking a breath. She looked at him, concerned. Her sentences seemed too much for his mental capacities at the moment. She still looked so flustered. And she was somehow worried about <i>him</i>. </p><p>Hordak felt a bit dizzy, like he was restarting; like his higher faculties had collectively up and left his mind. He tried to kickstart his cognitive functions so he could more completely process what she was saying because she appeared distressed. Her hair was wildly waving in the air in many individualized strands – a sign of anxiety he had come to recognize. A lock flowed over his hand and he grasped it gently. She seemed to feel this and looked down at it. Still with a buzzing in his mind, Hordak used his thumb to haltingly stroke the still-restless strands in an attempt to calm her as he scraped up enough mental reserves to respond to her query. </p><p>“..Yes.”</p><p>Entrapta’s eyes remained on his hand holding and stroking lightly over her hair for a moment and she seemed to calm. Her hair’s movements started to slow. She looked back to his face and blinked at him; her own face was still bright pink and Hordak thought it was.. unfairly cute. </p><p>“..Are you sure, because you’re looking very.. blue. Especially your ears. Although I’m fairly certain that’s the color of your blood and perhaps you’re blushing..” Entrapta still looked at him skeptically. If possible, Hordak’s face grew even hotter.  “..Is that a good sign?” She inquired hesitantly. And Hordak didn’t want her to worry, she had done nothing wrong.. Other than eradicate his higher functions..</p><p>“..I,..” This was much harder to say aloud. He forced himself to nod slowly. If he couldn’t speak, then he should at least let her know the result of her experiment was a positive one.. </p><p>Entrapta then looked relieved, even hopeful, rubbing her hands together in front of herself. The fluttery feeling made it feel like his stomach was about to take flight. </p><p>“..I am…fine. Entrapta,..-” Hordak struggled with words and his ears lowered earnestly before they then both heard rustling outside of the tent and turned their heads towards the noise. </p><p>“Entrapta? We are about to continue the princess meeting..?” Scorpia. Hordak had almost completely forgotten all that had happened before they came back to the tent. His fate was still entirely undecided. Stars, what was she doing to him?</p><p>For one of the first times he had ever seen, Entrapta looked genuinely irritated at the interruption, but that expression was gone as quickly as it had arrived.  </p><p>“Oh, right. Coming!” Entrapta shouted back. They looked at each other, both of them flushed. Hordak had a fleeting, ludicrous thought that said ‘make her stay’, but he shook himself out of it.</p><p>“..Go. I will.. be here when you return.” Hordak said, willing his heart rate to come back down again. Entrapta looked at him closely like she wanted to convey a message with her eyes. She backed away, looking disheartened to leave which put an odd pressure on Hordak’s rib cage. They both looked down to watch her hair slowly, gently slipping out of the grasp of his hand. </p><p>“..O-okay. I’ll be back soon!” She smiled at him before leaving the tent. </p><p>Hordak was left alone with his thoughts again and it was so much lonelier without her presence. His face felt like it was tingling. She kissed him. Him. Why would she want to..</p><p>What did this mean? He felt like he was coming back to himself.  He didn’t want her to leave. He wanted her here with him. If he ever denied thoughts of codependency prior, he certainly could not deny it now. The larger problem was that it was so much more than solely that. He craved to be near her. A terrible longing. She was.. so important. </p><p>He felt so much towards her that it was almost suffocating. And her gesture of affection towards him, that she would choose to give that to him like a gift, like she might feel a similar way.. </p><p>Hordak could not prevent the thought from unearthing itself anymore. ..Was this love? </p><p>His thoughts didn’t usually scare him this much. What did a clone know about love? Not much. He knew it made one vulnerable. It gave them something to lose. </p><p>He thought of her. He had already lost her once and that loss was devastating. He already felt vulnerable. He slowly wrapped his arms around himself protectively. That was nothing new ever since he let her work with him in the Sanctum.</p><p>He’d never considered the possibility of having a romantic partner or even the desire for one, but Hordak was a lot of things, and ignorant wasn’t one of them. This yearning was palpable. It ached.</p><p>Oh,.. he loved her, didn’t he? </p><p>His ears pinned back and he let out an unsteady breath. What a dreadfully heavy feeling. What was he to do with all of this weight? He gripped his own arms tighter. How could he ever be good enough to love her? </p><p>He felt himself shudder. He didn’t know what to do with this information. Did this mean he was to.. court her? Etherian romance was so complicated. And for what, for her to become his.. partner? Mate? Hordak held himself even more firmly, his chest felt tight again and if he wasn’t careful, his heart was bound to burst right out. He bowed his head and held her crystal to his chest, running his thumb across the smooth surface anxiously. </p><p>What had he ever done to deserve something like that? She deserved so much more than him. He had hardly even begun to think about reciprocation. He told himself that he could live with this in silence as long as she was by his side. These were immense emotions, but they could be hidden. He would be content because she had already given him far more than he ever had. He could not lose that.</p><p>He sighed roughly and ran claws through his now white hair, tousling the strands further out of position. He had no training nor programming that could prepare him for the breadth of these feelings that he never thought he was capable of. </p><p>He looked back to the entrance of the tent. He already missed her. </p><p>A quivering helplessness writhed within his core, but it felt powerful, and everything it touched was set ablaze.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Oh, Hordak.. I feel fluttery just writing this..</p><p>The Hordak vs Mermista scene was incredibly fun to write. Once again, I like all the characters, I just..needed Hordak to go off.</p><p>Thank you, thank you again to those leaving feedback - you're so wonderful.</p><p>As always, stay safe and thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Temporary Truce</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p><i>Everyone’s stares turned to those two, who were now both flustered. Hordak didn’t understand Etherians at all. 20 years on this unforgiving rock and he felt like he did not comprehend their behavior any more than he did when he first arrived here.</i><br/>Group bonding reluctantly ensues before a verdict is met and Hordak regrets leaving his tent. The justice system in Brightmoon was unconventional to say the least.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The deliberation took another two hours. </p><p>The flap of the tent burst open and Entrapta rushed in shouting his name excitedly.</p><p>Hordak felt a wave of relief rush over him when she returned, like she had been gone for many days. He realized that they had not separated at all since yesterday and it was ludicrous how dependent he felt, but it was just so good to see her. He didn’t even recognize how uncomfortable he had been with her out of his sight until now. </p><p>Hordak had remained relatively stationary this whole time, sitting and thinking. About his fate, about the trial, about Entrapta, about everything. He was so tired of thinking. He realized he was still rubbing the crystal and ceased the behavior.</p><p>Entrapta seemed cheerful. He had to imagine that this meant good news, but he still could not understand how. </p><p> “Hordak!! I don’t think they’re going to punish you unfairly! Well, we’re still technically waiting on the final deliberation. Turns out, I couldn’t be completely involved in the verdicts because I committed ‘war crimes’ too!” She said with a sheepish laugh. </p><p>“The final part of the trial is after lunch, which they made me promise we would attend. These things take forever!” She exclaimed exasperatedly, throwing her hands up.</p><p>“But we talked about more ‘gentle’ punishments, like fixing and replacing what was destroyed in the war and helping Etheria!” She continued. Hordak was conflicted about how to feel about this, but Entrapta seemed so content that he did not want to spoil her elated mood. For now, just being allowed in the presence of her joy filled him with a calm, soothing feeling.</p><p>“Oh, I brought you something!” She revealed a bag she had brought in with her and he looked on curiously. “I found you something else to wear!” </p><p>“I was only able to find a sweater that was big enough to fit you, I couldn’t find any skirts or pants that were long enough and the next village over was the mushroom people, so I don’t think I would have found anything for you there.” She pulled out black fabric and held it out to him until he took it hesitantly.</p><p>“I know you like dark colors, and even the blues seemed too bright for your normal palette. I tried to find a something soft in case your skin was sensitive like mine. It should fit based on my measurements, even though I’ve never seen you in a sweater before so I wasn’t sure if you would wear it.. Do you like it?” She inquired earnestly. </p><p>He ran the material through his hands; the fabric was quite soft on the inside and appeared warm while still seeming breathable. He would honestly be very grateful to rid himself of the Horde insignia once and for all. And despite the fact that this material would do nothing to hide his abnormal body condition, he truly wanted out of this uniform so badly his skin itched. While he hadn’t said as such, he wondered if Entrapta must have noticed. She was once again taking his comfort into consideration and she went out of her way for him again. A certain feathery feeling in his chest intensified. He gripped the sweater in his hands and looked back at her.</p><p>“..This is sufficient. ..I..thank you.” He managed. Entrapta beamed and looked away giggling, slightly flustered.  </p><p>“Okay, I’ll let you change! Then we have to go to lunch!” She declared cheerfully before hopping out of the tent before Hordak could clarify her statement.</p><p> </p><p>Ultimately, while Entrapta shamelessly would rather do about one hundred other things instead, she had reluctantly given the other princesses her word that the two of them would be in attendance for a group lunch and then the final hearing afterwards. Then finally, Entrapta would get to show him the spaceship if it was last thing she did. If his outcome was favorable,  of course, Hordak thought. If Hordak had known this ordeal was going to be an all-day event, maybe he would have overslept a bit more. This trial was altogether entirely exhausting and frankly, overly theatrical. </p><p>While the prospect of facing the princesses again after what had been said, during and after the trial, was slightly daunting, Entrapta also seemed to subconsciously insinuate that she wanted him there with her. He recognized that she did not always have the most positive interactions with her so-called ‘friends’, and if, for some inexplicable reason, his presence made her feel more comfortable around the other princesses, how could he possibly refuse?</p><p> </p><p>Lunch was decidedly awkward. In the same outdoor area that they had had dinner set up last night, there were now tables filled with food again. Most of the princesses were already eating by the time they arrived. Hordak was grateful that they still had fruit available; otherwise there were too many choices and dishes he’d never seen, nor would ever want to consume, laid out on the tables. He would stick with what he knew. </p><p>He saw a similar gathering of clones farther out where they were last night, at least it seemed they were also being fed. Hordak felt for them. He knew what being severed from the hivemind felt like. He didn’t feel overt responsibility for them as a whole, however he did feel.. something, some kind of obligation to at least talk to them. Or share.. wisdom or something, but this was not something he was excited about. He did see a very enthusiastic clone with them that he could not help thinking was ‘Wrong Hordak’. At least he seemed to be trying to assist. He absolutely needed another name.</p><p>Scorpia had saved them a seat at a picnic table with the other princesses and this placed them right across from Adora and Bow, who respectively sat next to Catra and Glimmer. The sea, plant, and ice princesses were also there and Hordak was just decidedly not going to have a good time. Conversation abruptly ceased when they walked over and sat down – Entrapta had to nearly drag Hordak to the table to get him this close to the princesses he was just on trial with a few hours ago. The justice system in Brightmoon was unconventional to say the least. </p><p>Entrapta had brought her datapad with her and seemed dead-set on outlining the schematics of a new ‘suit’ for him for structural support, especially with him continuing to fatigue easily. She had specified on the way here that she can make it able to support him and decrease his energy consumption, and it can remain lightweight if he didn’t truly need ‘armor’ anymore. He didn’t think he would be doing any fighting any time soon. She kept a lock of hair wrapped around Hordak’s arm as she worked. She seemed oblivious to the stares they were receiving and the way both Catra and the sea princess refused to look anywhere near his presence. </p><p>However Bow seemed curious and willing to engage. He looked to the two pieces of fruit that Hordak had procured for himself. “..Uh, that’s all you’re eating, ..Hordak?” He asked cautiously. Hordak could hear in his tone how strange it was to say his name in casual conversation. Hordak could not think of a reason not to respond to them other than he really didn’t want to. It.. did not seem like they would be executing him after all. While he didn’t yet know with certainty, they seemed to want to show him mercy when he didn’t deserve it. He just hoped it wasn’t sheerly out of pity.</p><p>“..Yes. I require less sustenance than Etherians.” He said plainly. It seemed, as a few heads turned to look at him, like they weren’t entirely expecting him to respond. </p><p>“..I like your sweater, Lord Hordak!” Scorpia said brightly, but still tentatively, like she was still afraid to be reprimanded. She was still used to using his formality and he supposed that would take some getting used to. He was lord of nothing now. </p><p>He truly despised small talk, but if his engagement would make everyone around them appear at least slightly less on edge.. They were all so tense with some sort of anticipation, Hordak felt all he would have to do was make a sudden movement and they would all be on top of him. </p><p>“..It is just ‘Hordak’ now. ..And Entrapta procured it.” He stated. It felt so strange to be so casual with his former Force Captain. Entrapta looked up from her screen.</p><p>“I found it at a local shop! It was the biggest one they had. We needed a way for him to stand out, plus Hordak didn’t want to wear the Horde symbol anymore. I think the color black contrasts nicely with his skin tones.” She said succinctly before consuming another mini sandwich. Hordak felt his ears flick at the last part. Regardless of his feelings about her saying it in front of other people, he could not deny that he did seem to like it when she complimented him in any way. He also again doesn’t remember ever implicitly telling her that it was the symbol he didn’t want to wear anymore, but somehow she must have picked that up from his demeanor because she was right.  Nothing new or surprising, she was always right.</p><p>Entrapta then handed him the datapad with a question about a tensile strength equation and he took it from her instinctively. They quietly discussed the formula and she typed out the correct numbers. Then she flicked to the next screen to inquire his approval about a certain measurement on the suit. Hordak placed the crystal that was perpetually in his left hand gingerly on the table so that he could hold the pad and type on it at the same time. As he tapped his claws on the screen, performing a quick calculation, he could still feel multiple gazes on them. He felt the queen-princess’ gaze flicker between them across the table. The tension broke when Glimmer finally decided to speak. </p><p>“..So, are you two, like, <i>together</i>..?” She blurted questioningly. When Hordak decided to acknowledge her, he could only stare back blankly. Catra nearly spit out her drink and Adora patted her on the back as she coughed and he heard some silverware clatter. He heard Bow shrilly whisper Glimmer’s name in a high-pitched tone and Scorpia let out a squeaking sound. She had everyone’s attention now and they were all looking towards her and the two of them with either surprise or horror or a frankly ugly combination of the two. Glimmer flushed and looked back at the rest of the bewildered princesses. </p><p>“What?! You were all thinking it!” She exclaimed. </p><p>Entrapta then seemed to realize the question was directed at them. She joined Hordak in an empty stare directed at the queen-princess.</p><p>“..Together? We’re both right here..?” Entrapta said slowly, tilting her head. Hordak was as confused as she was. He wondered if this was an Etherian colloquialism that they did not fully understand. As Glimmer elaborated, the distress seemed to mount in her companions.</p><p>“..You know,.. like, more than friends..?” Glimmer continued in a lilting tone, as if this provided any sort of explanation to what she was asking. She continued to receive twin blank stares of bafflement as the other princesses and Bow seemed to be victims of ever-rising panic, letting out some strangled noises. Entrapta seemed to consider this.</p><p>“Oh. Hordak is my best friend!” She stated brightly, like that had to be the answer she was looking for. The rest of the table seemed to deflate slightly, or at least appeared less likely to spontaneously combust. Despite himself, Hordak felt a proud sensation spark in his chest, like she had named him the superior of them and he nearly unconsciously straightened in his chair like she had just manually stroked his ego. He tried to put a damper on this, as it was ridiculous for him to feel this way. Like a neglected animal eager for attention.</p><p>“..Really?” Questioned the child-princess. Entrapta blinked at her.</p><p>“Of course! Hordak understands me better than anyone!” She explained as she finished her plate. Hordak’s ears flicked and felt that fluttery feeling in his chest again, but even warmer now. He pretended to be deeply invested in the datapad. Then the sea princess decided to speak up again.</p><p>“…So all of that stuff you said before,.. about her.. you meant it?” She asked Hordak skeptically. This had obviously taken her back to their earlier ‘conversation’. Hordak narrowed his eyes. How absurd that she would think he would be dishonest about something like this.</p><p>“Of course.” Hordak said with finality. While he knew they did not have many reasons to trust him, why would he lie about this? And so far, he had been nothing but transparent with them since the trial. </p><p>Glimmer then let out an exacerbated noise before speaking again.</p><p>“No, no, like, are you two together in a roma-“ She started to say, louder, but was cut off by two different people shouting over her. </p><p>“Don’t rush them!” The plant princess.<br/>
“Will you shut up, Sparkles, there has never been anything I’ve wanted to know less!” And Catra at the same time.</p><p>Everyone’s stares turned to those two, who were now both flustered. Hordak didn’t understand Etherians at all. 20 years on this unforgiving rock and he felt like he did not comprehend their behavior any more than he did when he first arrived here. He and Entrapta exchanged dubious glances again.</p><p>Catra then excused herself from the table to go and get desert and a few others broke out in their own quiet conversations. The sea princess seemed to be upset at the plant princess, who was still red in the face, but Hordak honestly could not care enough to pay attention to what they were going on about. </p><p>Scorpia took the awkwardness in the air as chance to ask Entrapta about what they were working on using the datapad. Hordak handed it back to Entrapta as she launched into a detailed explanation of the newest suit design. He picked up the crystal from the surface of the table again and he felt Adora’s eyes follow the movements of his hands across from him. </p><p>“..What is that? I saw you holding it before and during the trial.” She inquired curiously; only slightly hesitant. Hordak looked up and eyed her suspiciously. The crystal was now really his only true possession and to say that he would be upset if it were taken away from him would unfortunately be an understatement. He figured that he should be open and honest about it so as not to raise suspicion or make the crystal seem like a threat to them.</p><p>“..It is.. the power source to my previous suit. ..Entrapta’s.” He said reluctantly. She looked at him for a second, almost evaluating, and then back to the crystal. There was a great capacity of thought behind her eyes, Hordak had always begrudgingly thought so.</p><p>“..Is it First One’s tech? I think there’s writing on it..? Can I see?” She asked tentatively. Hordak looked to the crystal and initially closed his hand around it protectively, shielding it from view. He had, of course, known that the gem contained a ‘design’ of sorts, but he hadn’t realized it could be writing. He had learned a handful of languages during his time on Etheria, but never First One’s, it was too ancient. Being She-Ra, he supposed the language came naturally. His curiosity warred with his protectiveness of the crystal.</p><p>After pausing, he hesitantly held the crystal out to her on his palm, opening his hand. Adora took it from him carefully, holding it with two hands gingerly after seeing how important it seemed to be to Hordak. By this time, Bow and Glimmer next to her had ceased their conversation and had looked over, intrigued by the crystal as well. Adora turned it in her hands, the crystal glinting in the sunlight.</p><p>“Oh, yeah, that’s First One’s.. it looks like letters…” She paused abruptly, blinking and looking back up to Hordak then back at the crystal, like something wasn’t adding up. Her eyes met Hordak’s again and she lowered the crystal slowly. </p><p>“..Oh. ..You said Entrapta gave this you..?” She asked, now looking surprised. Hordak’s brow furrowed.</p><p>“Yes..” Hordak said, perplexed. He didn’t even know the crystal said anything before this and now she was implying that Entrapta was the one that had written something on it? He watched her eyes widen and she started to turn a shade of pink.</p><p>“..Oh. ..<i>Oooh,</i> you don’t know..” She said slowly, incredulously. Bow and Glimmer looked on at her, their gazes flickering from Adora to the crystal to Hordak, looking confused as well.</p><p>“What? What does it say?” Glimmer asked eagerly, leaning closer to her, nearly on top of Bow who was between them. Hordak could only stare in growing agitation, wondering if this was his new permanent state of being. </p><p>Now they had captured Entrapta’s attention again, who finally seemed to realize what was happening around her. She looked to the crystal in Adora’s hands and then to Adora’s face, who simply raised her eyebrows at her in question. Entrapta’s eyes  slowly widened and she and Adora shared a moment where no words were spoken and a look that seemed meaningful before Entrapta abruptly lowered her welding mask with her hair. </p><p>Hordak tilted his head slightly. What could it possibly say? It was apparently so obvious what was being communicated between stares that even Entrapta was able to pick up on Adora’s non-verbal cues. Adora then quickly handed the crystal back to him and stood, right as Catra came back with a slice of cake, startling her.</p><p>“WELL. That looks like good cake! I think I’ll go grab a piece too..” She said much too loudly and awkwardly to be sincere. </p><p>“But I got this one for yo-“ Catra started before Adora coughed loudly and hushed her puzzled counterpart exasperatedly, pushing her to walk with her away from the table. Hordak watched the display with continued befuddlement. He then turned to glance at Entrapta who was still not looking at him, toying with the datapad in her gloved hands with her mask down. The stand of hair around his right arm lowered to wrap around his hand and Hordak looked down on it, his ears raising, slightly concerned. </p><p>“..I’ll tell you later, okay?” Entrapta’s small voice said. Hordak knew she was talking to him, even if she made no direct indication of it. He closed his hand gently around the loop of hair around his palm and nodded with a grunt. Hordak did not understand what had just happened, but he trusted that Entrapta would enlighten him when she chose to. Until then he would wait. The princesses who remained at the table watched the exchange in complete bewilderment. </p><p>While Scorpia missed the better part of that whole exchange in her conversation with Entrapta, she sensed the change in mood of the group. She looked to the other princesses staring at Entrapta and Hordak and felt the uneasiness of her companion. She looked back to the food tables and got an idea.</p><p>“Entrapta, do you want to get dessert? I think they have tiny cupcakes!” She said temptingly. </p><p>“Oooh..” Entrapta raised her mask and rose up on her hair excitedly. She turned to Hordak briefly, telling him she’d be right back before launching herself towards the confectionary table with Scorpia. Hordak watched her go. He wondered when she had started telling him when she was leaving and when she would be back, as she did not initially do this from the start. Did she feel his dependency? Did she feel that he needed to know? Did she know it brought him a strange sense of comfort? He did appreciate knowing..</p><p>“..Look, I’m not going to apologize for what I said before,” The sea princess started speaking again. Hordak nearly sighed, rubbing the crystal in his hand now out of habit. Could he not have a moment’s peace?</p><p>“..But your intentions toward Entrapta had better be genuine.” She said firmly. Hordak’s ears perked up and he slowly turned to look at her.  Now she had his full attention, as that was not what he had expected to hear. Mermista had also gained the stares of Bow, Glimmer, and Perfuma who remained at the table, but she continued.</p><p>“She continues to insist that she will ‘help’ you with your.. future assignments, regardless of the verdict, and seemed all too fine with this whole ‘lab partner’ thing, which we’re not thrilled about. I don’t know what’s going on between you two, but I haven’t forgotten anything and you’re still on thin ice.” She took on a menacing tone, looking him dead in the eyes and Hordak would be lying if said he didn’t feel the slightest bit intimidated.</p><p>“Even if she was once on the wrong side, we’re still her friends and we will be looking out for her. So if we find out that you’re back to old habits, or taking advantage of her, or if you hurt her somehow..-“ She continued to threaten, and while Hordak felt that he had nothing to prove to her on this front, the thought of him harming Entrapta intentionally, in any way, like Prime had made him do, made him feel physically ill. And she just kept saying it..</p><p>“I would never hurt her.” He interrupted curtly. It slipped out. Every time he thought he had re-established the filter between his brain and his mouth, he proved himself wrong. Hordak was not a good person in any light, but this was a hill he would gladly die on. He would sooner destroy himself than cause Entrapta any harm.</p><p>The princesses and Bow looked at him stunned, which was not at all surprising at this point. It seemed to be one of about three expressions they were all capable of gracing him with at any given moment in the last 24 hours. But then Bow’s expression softened and he started to say “Aww-” before Glimmer swiftly elbowed him in the ribs, cutting him off as he started coughing. Even the plant princess seemed to be looking at him with a more gentled expression now.. </p><p>And now Hordak was feeling uncomfortable. He felt his ears tilt back uneasily. He looked back and scanned the area, looking for Entrapta again as she was still no longer at his side, and to his relief, she was still by the food, now happily chatting with another princess. The.. net-throwing one.</p><p>Adora and Catra had both just made their way back to the table, about to sit down, seemingly unaware of the new rising tension that had just been established. The child princess, who Hordak had honestly forgotten was even present, had been watching the entire exchange with open interest, still looking uncomprehending until she snapped her fingers.</p><p>“..Oooh, I get it now. He <i>likes</i> her, doesn’t he? Is that what you guys were talking about before?” She innocently directed the question at Glimmer and the entire table seemed to freeze in abject horror. “..Is that allowed?”  She inquired, tilting her head.</p><p>At that, before Catra had even completely sat back down in her chair, she abruptly stood again, rattling the silverware, and clamped her hands over her ears before declaring, “Nope!”, and walking away again, right back the way she came. Adora looked back and forth at Catra’s departure and the members of the peanut gallery sitting at the table and ultimately chose to follow after her feline companion rather than sticking around the now very awkward atmosphere at the table, taking her cake with her.</p><p>Everyone remaining at the table around Hordak was blushing except for the ice princess, who still seemed to be looking for a response to her innocent inquiry. The pieces slowly began to click into place for Hordak who began to understand the implications of their repeated colloquialisms. With the continued references to both himself and Entrapta, the repeated use of dual-meaning vocabulary, and everyone’s varying levels of embarrassment and discomfort with the topic, he could think of no other reason other than that they were implying a romantic relationship between himself and Entrapta. He felt his ears heat as they lowered, becoming increasingly more uncomfortable by the second. When he’d asked for punishment, he had never once thought that it would be through mortification. </p><p>Was he truly that translucent? Were his feelings towards her so obvious? If even this obtuse bunch could detect this with any sort of accuracy, then he was hopelessly doomed. From the others’ horrified stares, it didn’t seem like they had approved of the situation. Not like that mattered. Hordak really should have just stayed in his tent. </p><p>Entrapta came back then, with a plate filled with tiny cupcakes, and even she picked up on the strange ambiance at the table.</p><p>“..What’s happening? Hordak, your ears are doing the thing. Are they making you uncomfortable?” She asked him, concerned. Hordak was part dismayed and part impressed by the fact that she seemed to be able, to some degree, read his ear movements. Which were unfortunately about 90% involuntary.  </p><p>“You can read his ears?” The child asked, awed. She seemed to be on a roll with conversation today. Hordak felt said ears twitch. Entrapta shrugged.</p><p>“It’s not the most exact science, but I had been working on collecting enough field data to compile a translation chart.” To Hordak’s horror she pulled up a graphic on the datapad that consisted of multiple rudimentary drawings of his face and ear positions, and then a rough estimate of an emotion under them. He felt himself flush. This was a project he had no idea she had been working on.</p><p>The child made a noise of in delight and then Bow and Glimmer were looking on curiously as well. </p><p>“..Ooh, you know, we can probably use that for Catra too?” Bow suggested with a hand on his chin and even Glimmer seemed to concur, nodding and muttering that ‘Their ears do move a lot...’ </p><p>Hordak turned to Entrapta, ears involuntarily flicking in something like embarrassment. </p><p>“..Please inform me when you are performing experiments with myself as the subject in the future.” He told her. </p><p>“Hehe, I’m sorry, is that rude?” Entrapta scratched the back of her head bashfully and closed the screen. “I have a few other active experiments I need to tell you about then..” Hordak stared at her vacantly with his mouth open. More experiments about him? Multiple? He was about to inquire what she was referring to until the rest of the group began to pack up. It was apparently now time to finish the hearing.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I grin like an idiot every time I read through this one. This story wasn't meant to be a comedy, but here we are. xp</p><p>Thank you so much, you lovely commenters, I am elated at every single one. This is late because work has been completely insane and your support helps to keep me grounded.</p><p>Thanks for reading and be well!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. The Stairs Are Winding, But We Keep On Climbing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Everyone has a lot of feelings. Hordak and Catra try to settle bad blood, while Entrapta and Adora have a very important conversation.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hordak, Entrapta, Catra, and Scorpia were to be escorted to a waiting area within the castle where they would wait for the final deliberations. From which, they would be called back into the ‘courtroom’ individually to hear their sentencing. </p><p>Just before the guards came for them, Entrapta’s hair wrapped around his hand again and gave it a firm squeeze. Hordak closed his hand around it and they shared a look. Entrapta looked anxious and he wished he could take that feeling from her. As long as she was going to be safe after everything was said and done, that was all that mattered. If that were the case, he would accept any sort of punishment gladly. </p><p>Hordak’s ears perked up when he heard distant whispering to his left. In the distance, he caught an unintentional glimpse of what seemed like a private moment. Adora had pulled Catra aside and they were speaking closely. That latter had been pacing somewhat agitatedly and flicking her tail in apprehension waiting for the transport back to the courthouse for the final verdict. Adora stilled her movements and placed a soothing hand on back of Catra’s neck, gently leaning their foreheads together. They stood closely and for a moment, just seemed to breathe. With his keen hearing, he heard Adora whisper that ‘everything was going to be alright’ and Catra leaned into her, ears lowered, and she closed her eyes. They shared a brief kiss and Hordak turned away. It felt too intrusive to observe the tender scene anymore. </p><p>He had gathered from their close interactions that the two girls had entered a romantic relationship. Part of him was undoubtedly somewhat.. curious, not because he hadn’t seen Etherians in romantic relationships before, but because now he viewed this in a whole new light - as a possibility. He’d never considered something like this for himself before. The two of them seemed so comfortable together, despite their undoubtedly complicated past history. Even as once-enemies, they had come together and seemed to revel in each other. If they had found this together against all odds, was this something that he could have with Entrapta? </p><p>Hordak looked to the purple-haired princess at his side. He wanted to be able to reassure Entrapta like that. He wanted to be able to say comforting words with ease, to speak what he was feeling, to provide her with solace with just his mere presence. She sat on her hair and fiddled with the datapad. To an outsider, she may seem calm, but he recognized the subtle indicators of her distress. The way her hair moved restlessly, even the strand holding his hand, coiling smoothly over his palm. The way she tapped a forefinger on the side of the datapad in a rhythmic pattern. The way she bit her lip and furrowed her brow. And he knew she wasn’t nervous for herself even, she was afraid for him. </p><p>How did he arrive in this alternate reality where this brilliant creature cared about what happened to him? How did he awaken only to find himself within a dream? Hordak knew he wasn’t, but he could only try to be worthy. He did not have words to give her in that moment, but he looked down at the hand she held. He lifted his other hand tentatively and then, very slowly, ran claws softly though the restless strands of hair. Entrapta paused her rhythmic motions and her eyes widened, still looking at the datapad screen. Hordak felt a sinking feeling, like perhaps he had made the wrong call, but then her hair leaned into his touch. He watched as her gaze became half-lidded as she looked over at his hand, following his fingers’ motions through her own hair before looking up at his face. He saw gratitude in her eyes and his ears lowered slightly; her gaze was soft. She turned away, flushing, but then she eased closer to him on her hair until their sides were touching. She leaned firmly into him and Hordak nearly shuttered feeling the warmth of her contact flush against his side. It felt so pleasant to feel her against him. Like coming home. </p><p> </p><p>When the guards came for them, Catra and Adora reluctantly parted and the group of Horde defendants were led away. They were all placed in a holding room with seating that nobody used. It was undoubtedly awkward. Entrapta continued to keep a lock of hair firmly around Hordak’s hand as she worked on a concept design on her datapad and at least the others weren’t staring at the gesture anymore. They all looked in different directions. The silence was apparently too much for Scorpia to bear as she rubbed the back of her head with her claw and spoke.</p><p>“..Well, this is kind of like old times, huh?” She said with an awkward laugh. The rest of them acknowledged her reluctantly and Catra rolled her eyes. </p><p>“..Yeah, it’s a regular family reunion…” She said sarcastically. The rest of them then remained silent until Scorpia was the first called out of the room. Around 15 minutes later, Entrapta was then called, sending a small surge of panic to Hordak’s heart, knowing he could not go with her. He reminded himself to remain calm and had to physically put in an effort to as Entrapta reluctantly let Hordak’s hand go, unraveling her hair to leave with a small frown. Hordak felt a tug in his chest and he had a curious urge to growl at the guard that took her away. This was getting out of hand.</p><p>Then he was alone with Catra, and the phantom grip of Entrapta’s hair in his hand. The tension between himself and his former Force Captain was palpable and they remained on separate sides of the room. He heard her sigh roughly and for an apprehensive moment Hordak just knew she was going to speak to him. This day was truly never-ending.</p><p>“..Look, Hordak. I..” She groaned, frustratedly. “..I’ve been trying something new. I’m tired of all of my.. negative actions building up to hang around my neck..” She turned to face him.</p><p>“..You’re no saint and we are not friends, but for what it’s worth.. I am sorry for what I did. For convincing you to open the portal when it wasn’t ready, and for what I said about Entrapta..” Her ears flicked back and Hordak turned slightly to look back at her. At the mention of her previous misdeeds involving Entrapta, he could feel his lip curl and couldn’t help but to cringe internally at the reminder. </p><p>“..I already apologized to her for what I did. That doesn’t make up for it. It was a shitty thing to do. Arguably, I was at my lowest.. I know that you care about her. I knew it then and I know that it hurt you.” She continued. Hordak narrowed his eyes and his ears flicked at the implication. But Catra hesitated and looked down with something almost akin to remorse.</p><p>“..I have someone I care about now too. So I get it. If someone had done to me what I did to you, I’d want to kill them too..” She said, softer, crossing her arms. Hordak just looked at her. He was surprised that she would acknowledge this, but he didn’t know what to say in response. He would be lying if he said he was not still bitter.</p><p>“I don’t expect anything from you. I’m just… trying to be better and I don’t want to hold grudges anymore, okay? ..Truce?” She finished, tentatively. He acknowledged her for a long moment. She may be the person he let himself get the closest with other than Entrapta. They had spent a decent amount of time together over the years and while he had never been overly fond of Catra, he also knew enough to acknowledge her strengths and her weaknesses. He doesn’t think he’d ever realized before how eerily similar they actually were. She had also ‘defended’ him in court, even if Hordak did not think that was what happened. She only ended up disgracing him, and in no way had he wanted her to or understood why. He nodded curtly and grunted a confirmative truce. Catra seemed relieved, but tried not to let him know it. She faced away from him again and Hordak felt strange the urge to say something more. </p><p>“..You did not.. deserve what I did to you.. before..” Hordak forced out. He thought of the oxygen-deprivation fields that made it hard for her to breathe. He thought of using them to keep her under his control, as he knew she was somehow starting to become too clever for subordination. Catra looked up at him, ears tilted and they shared a glance. Hordak felt the air around them calm as the bad blood settled somewhat.</p><p>The guards came for her next, leaving him in silence. </p><p>----------------------------</p><p>Entrapta headed out of the courtroom to wait for Hordak after her sentencing was relayed, head still buried in her datapad. She was excited to say the least about her own verdict, but she would not feel completely sound until she knew what was going to happen to Hordak. She walked until she heard a familiar voice say her name. Her head perked up and Adora’s form came up to her, following from the direction of the courtroom. She then heard a discord of other voices coming from the room from which she came, and she presumed that there had been a temporary recess in the proceedings.</p><p>“Entrapta?” Adora inquired, catching up to her. “..Can I talk to you for a second? In private?” </p><p>“Hi Adora! Sure - although a second of talking seems non-productive!” She said brightly. Adora smiled, but her overall demeanor appeared mildly off, like she was nervous. </p><p>“Maybe for a bit more than just a second..” She muttered, ushering her into another room in the castle and closed the door behind them. Entrapta briefly considered the environment they had stepped into, appearing to be an abandoned dining area, and upon deciding it was uninteresting, she hopped onto her hair and crossed her legs. She made a few more leisurely alterations to the blueprint on her datapad while Adora seemed to be finding the resolve to speak, before looking up at the blonde princess in question.</p><p>“So, what did you want to talk about?” Entrapta inquired.</p><p>Adora rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly.</p><p>“..Well, I,.. uh, wanted to talk to you about the First One’s crystal..? The one Hordak’s been carrying around..?” </p><p>That got Entrapta’s attention for a moment, as her hair’s almost ever-present movement ceased, and she actually looked up to Adora’s face. Entrapta understood that based on what happened during lunch, that there might be questions raised in result. She wondered what the nature of this conversation would be like. She quickly tried to brush off any reaction she had by looking back down on her datapad again. Her hair shifted to reach for the welding mask, but she just tapped it lightly in continued thought. She knew Adora could read First One’s, and she was certain that even after all this time, Hordak still didn’t even know what the crystal said. She hadn’t meant to be secretive about it, not really,.. the situation in which she would have told Hordak what the crystal’s writing translated to had just simply never presented itself..</p><p>Entrapta was.. grateful that Adora had not divulged that information to Hordak earlier. Not something so significant. Not yet..</p><p>“..What about it?” Entrapta asked innocently enough. Her true inner discomfort manifested in her urge to start working to occupy her mind and make up for the heaviness in the air. She pulled out a stylus from the side of the datapad and started scribbling out formulas next to her design from memory. </p><p>Adora sighed and leaned against a table.</p><p>“I didn’t mean to be intrusive, but.. I know what it says, and who you.. gave it to. I wanted to know.. if it was true..?” She questioned hesitantly, lilting at the end, seeming like she did not wish to overstep her boundaries. Entrapta looked at her for a long minute before her eyes darted elsewhere. Her hands toyed with the datapad and her stylus and her hair moved anxiously. </p><p>When Adora was met with a few more moments of just silence and rhythmic tapping, Adora continued, clasping her arms in front of herself. </p><p>“..I’m sorry, I don’t mean to put you on the spot or anything. ..And I’m not here to judge you. Just to understand..” Even she started fidgeting a bit, but Entrapta was still looking down at her gloved hands and the datapad screen. Adora sighed again and ran a hand over her hair.</p><p>“...Maybe this was a bad idea. You don’t have to tell me anything, it’s not really any of my business anywa-“</p><p>“..I’ve never been good at feelings or people, but things are.. different with.. Hordak..” Entrapta started cautiously, ending more quietly, still looking down at her screen. She decided that she trusted Adora. She was a friend that had never treated Entrapta like she was ‘other’ or ‘less than’. Had only ever called her by her name. Had always been honest with her. Entrapta kept track of these things. Adora seemed to always desire what was best for everyone, and this last battle provided Entrapta with enough data to solidify that theory above all else. Plus, she – She-Ra - had saved Hordak.. Entrapta almost felt indebted to her for this. She brought him back from Prime’s clutches, when she was afraid that she may have lost him permanently.. </p><p>Entrapta sighed. She’d never spoken of this outside of herself and her recorder. </p><p>“..Hordak doesn’t just.. tolerate me, like some people seem to. He understands me,.. but he also accepts me for who I am, which is something I never thought.. I could have..” She still didn’t look up at Adora entirely, but her gaze shifted around. Adora remained quiet, looking at her, as if gently encouraging her to continue.</p><p>“..He listens to me, he’s.. kind to me. Logical.. And he doesn’t lie, or say things he doesn’t mean, and we have a lot in common. ..We work well together and I’ve never felt so.. comfortable being around anyone else before..” Entrapta picked at her gloves as her hair continued to move in patterned motions, outlining a mild anxiety. </p><p>“..You really care about him.” Adora said softly after a moment passed, not with any question or incredulity, but more like a statement; a finality. Entrapta nodded, still looking to her hands, spinning her stylus between them. </p><p>“He’s my best friend. And there’s no scientific way to measure when ‘friendship affection’ becomes ‘romantic affection’ and when physical attraction becomes more than that..” She gestured back and forth with her hair as hands before hopping off of her hair and starting to pace back and forth as she continued her ongoing train of thought. </p><p>“And there’s no true scale or scoring system to assess when that becomes ‘love’, and what is ‘love’ really anyway, everyone has a different definition - there’s no scientific consensus or standard of reference, and I’ve never really known what ‘love’ is, not really, only theoretically based on what I’ve read, but I figured this may be it based on the sum of what I’ve been experiencing..” Entrapta rambled, trying her best to explain in a concise, clear way that made sense, but in all honesty, she had been thinking about this for a very long time, endlessly hypothesizing, and frustratingly, it didn’t make any more sense now than it did a year ago. A scientist’s greatest lament. Such was the nature of the science of living things. There were just so many variables to consider..</p><p>Adora’s eyes followed her and she listened patiently, almost seeming understanding of her internal dilemma. When it seemed like she had trailed off into inner turmoil, Adora spoke again.</p><p>“..So, like, ‘love’ in a friendship sort of way or a.. romantic way..?” Adora tried to lead. Entrapta flushed slightly, looking upwards and groaning.</p><p>“<i>Uuggh</i>, why are Etherian emotions so complicated?? This is why I work exclusively with robots!” She exclaimed, pulling at her hair. But Adora was patient. Entrapta thought as she mindlessly tapped out a few letters of morse code against the resilient screen of her datapad. She stopped and sighed reluctantly when she realized that she was subconsciously spelling out Hordak’s name. She frowned.</p><p>The science of Etherian romantic behavior had to be defined by a certain degree of madness, she thought solemnly. </p><p>“..I.. think it might have started out as ‘friendship love’, but now it’s.. more..” Entrapta looked back down as if searching for a way to explain the cacophony of thoughts in her head that she had awakened in this well-used subset of her consciousness. She wrapped her arms around herself as she voiced the words that she’d been weary about admitting, even to herself.. </p><p>“..Now I want.. more.. I want to do more.. with him.. I’ve never wanted this before! It’s actually fascinating. Or it would be more-so if I wasn’t the subject.. Ah, I wish there was a literature search I could do on this. It’s all so illogical and.. <i>emotional</i>..” Entrapta said with a grimace, gesturing with her hands before rubbing the back of her head agitatedly. Adora pulled herself up to sit on the table she was leaning against, still taking in everything that the normally bubbly princess was saying indulgently.</p><p>“..What is it that you want?” Adora asked quietly, guiding. Entrapta twirled her fingers around each other before sighing again. She looped her hair around her upper arms.</p><p>“..I want to be near him all the time! His presence is.. bafflingly comforting.. I used to be very solitary! I want to keep contact with him because it feels.. nice.. I was never like this - with physical contact.. I’ve never been.. ‘clingy’ with another person before,.. but it felt so good to hold him, and to be held..” She trailed off wistfully. Entrapta’s hair started waving around and she bit her lip and began pacing again.</p><p>“..I kissed him..” She said quietly, fingers rubbing at her chin. Adora started forward in surprise at that, eyes wide, eyebrows nearly touching her hairline.</p><p>“You ki-!” She started to say before she was abruptly cut off by Entrapta, now louder. </p><p>“Not a real one! Just on the cheek, and I’ve never done that before, and it was really nice, and I really wanted to..” Entrapta ended quietly again as she turned away rapidly in a way she could only pull off with the assistance of her hair as she flushed even more. Her pace grew slower and she fiddled with her hair. “..and I think.. he liked it too. He’s.. hard to read sometimes, but.. I think he’s easily embarrassed and it’s.. cute.. I can tell he’s not.. used to being touched - in a nice way- but,.. I think he likes contact too.” Entrapta paused, frowning, before continuing. “..He also just seems.. sad, a lot,.. and I don’t want him to be..” She rubbed her hands together and sighed.</p><p>“I’ve tried to analyze how I feel, my behavior,.. his behavior.. so many times, so many logs, so many studies, a few experiments conducted.. I usually enjoy a good problem to solve, but this isn’t really a science, is it?” She looked up to Adora with a small, almost hopeless smile. </p><p>By this time, Adora had lowered her head to rest on her hands that leaned on her knees. She was looking at Entrapta with a knowing expression, nodding gravely. </p><p>“..I’m no expert, but boy, do I hear you. I can relate..” She said with an air of understanding, looking to the side, flushing herself, lost in a memory for a moment, before she spoke again.</p><p>“..You should do everything at your own pace, and no one should tell you differently, but,.. it sounds to me like the crystal doesn’t lie..”</p><p>Entrapta sat cross-legged on her hair again.</p><p>“..I’ve theorized that this is romantic love based on the logs of supporting evidence I’ve compiled, and I’m.. starting to reach a conclusion.. Ooh, I wish I had my tape recorder..” She said longingly. Adora looked at her, and everything seemed a bit surreal after the final battle, but this was just life now.</p><p>“..This should probably feel more bizarre, because he was our enemy for so long, but,” Here she gave a shrug of almost nonchalance. “Stranger things have happened in the last few years..” Adora said plainly, almost to herself. </p><p>When Entrapta was quiet for longer than usual, leaning her head on her folded hands, staring off into the distance, Adora grew concerned. She slid off the table and walked over to her companion to stand in front of her, reaching out a hand slowly to touch her shoulder.</p><p>“..Hey, are you alright? I hope I didn’t push too hard.. I know this is a lot..” Adora inquired sympathetically. She knew what this feeling was like and it was a difficult thing to wrap your head around. Even for someone as singularly intelligent as Entrapta. Love was rough.  </p><p>Entrapta blinked and briefly looked to her direction.</p><p>“Hm? I’m just thinking. There’s so much to think about..” She said, looking to the side. She paused for a bit, and almost when Adora thought she wouldn’t say anymore, Entrapta spoke again, far more silently and uncertainly than Adora was used to, coming from her.</p><p>“..It’s unnerving, isn’t it?” She queried softly, almost resigned. “Scary, even? Loving something organic and delicate?” </p><p>Adora frowned slightly and nodded slowly, sadly, being reminded just how ‘organic’ and fragile they really were, her mind consumed by a memory of almost losing her loved one..</p><p>Entrapta blinked and typed out one last quick note on her datapad before she looked back up at the blue-eyed princess.</p><p>“..Thanks, Adora. For.. talking to me and everything.” Entrapta said sincerely. Her gaze was only short-lived, but Adora smiled back at her warmly.</p><p>“Anytime. It, uh, seems like you have your work cut out for you..”</p><p>Entrapta rose higher on her hair, gesturing with a few strands. </p><p>“Expect inquiries on romantic relationships since you’re in one!” She said happily. </p><p>Adora smiled nervously, inwardly cringing. She had a weird moment of almost feeling bad for Entrapta and Hordak if she was to be the one to give advice or direct the story of their love life.. She and Catra had to nearly kill each other to confess their feelings and she had a vague understanding that that’s not usually how these things go. It sure wasn’t a super healthy way to start things off. She decided that the last thing she was going to be doing was handing out relationship advice.. Much less so to one so.. she hesitated to find a word to describe these two; an unlikely pair who, after everything was said and done,.. actually seemed to fit together surprisingly.. well. It seemed almost.. innocent.</p><p>“I told you, I’m no expert, this is my first one..” Adora replied instead, waving her hands in denial. She truly hoped that Hordak knew what he had here with Entrapta. How.. smitten she was. However, Adora had been inside of his head, if only briefly, and she’d seen the way he looks at her. Adora knew that she wasn’t always the brightest star on the horizon, but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist.. </p><p>Despite her lack of subtlety, Adora was indeed capable of keeping other’s secrets. Though she’s not at liberty to say so herself, she just knew that Entrapta’s feelings would be welcomed.. If Hordak could overcome his own deeply ingrained self-doubt. It was difficult to view Hordak the same way she used to after getting a very small glance of what it was like to be him. While true forgiveness took time, she also acknowledged that stale bitterness was cold and unpalatable. </p><p>She never thought she’d think this, but Adora was hopeful for them, as odd as this was. She now believed that they would actually be good for each other in the end.</p><p>Isn’t that what love was? Or at least, in the way that she understood it. Finding someone that helps you keep growing into the best version of yourself. Everyone needed more of that.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>:)</p><p>I had a lot of fun with Entrapta in this last scene, while trying my hardest to stay true to her character and how she would respond in this situation. I imagine it would be very difficult for her to feel all of these things and not be able to find all the answers, despite her scientific prowess.. Let me know what you think.</p><p>Know that I appreciate every single comment, you all are lovely. </p><p>Thanks for reading and stay well.</p><p>  <i>(Chapter title from a sweet song- 'Everything' - Rob Blackledge)</i></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. This Feels Right, and I'm Letting It</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Hordak remembered back to the time when he was clone of few words. Hordak has fun.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In the end, the princesses ruled that Hordak and the other ex-members of the Horde – including Entrapta - would be tasked with assisting in re-building with the kingdoms that the Horde has heavily affected, namely Salineas, and, if it can be done without casualty, the  ‘cleaning up’ of Beast Island. They elected to have Hordak under ‘surveillance’ for the foreseeable future, which at this time, appeared to be monitoring primarily by Entrapta, but also involving semi-regular ‘check-ins’ with the other princesses. They seemed determined to ‘allow’ him to utilize his knowledge for good. His and Entrapta’s ‘services’, as far as technical and scientific capabilities would be utilized as needed on an ‘on-call’ basis for major scientific challenges should they occur across all kingdoms, but especially Brightmoon as they felt this was owed. Entrapta was to oversee his projects, as she was virtually incapable of lying. Little did they know he was essentially, as well.. </p><p>Any experiments involving bioengineering, chemical warfare, cloning, or weapons unless mandated otherwise, were strictly off-limits. The Horde insignia would not be permitted to be worn or emblazoned on a flag or any other structures. </p><p> Hordak would not be permitted to rule over the Fright Zone any longer and the manufacturing capabilities of the Fright Zone would be applied for all of the kingdoms. Because this was where Scorpia’s runestone remained, she would also have custody of the Fright Zone territory itself, as her family did many years ago. Hordak would also be required to attend mandatory.. therapy sessions with a professional in Plumeria.  Catra as well. ‘This was rationalized as being something that they would both benefit from. To ‘improve the relationship they had with themselves’. Hordak failed to understand. The way they had said it was almost condescending. Like they knew what was best for their ‘mental health’ and well-being. </p><p>They made threats that should Hordak ever reclaim the mantle of the Horde or Horde Prime, or if he ever tried to harm them or their kingdoms again, there would be more serious consequences, not that they elaborated on this. They would let him work with Entrapta, so long as they met routine check-in requirements and they were not working on ‘life-threatening’ projects.</p><p>He was also informed that one, Double Trouble, was still on the loose and any contact with them should be reported to Brightmoon as they were still wanted for their crimes. That was a presence Hordak didn’t particularly care about seeing again. </p><p>..And that was essentially all. Hordak felt bizarrely both relieved and conflicted at the same time. He had relative freedom that he was not expecting to have after this trial. He was very much willing to make up for his past actions, but he did not expect it to be done so literally. Or so leniently. So he would live after all. He would live and he would be allowed to work with Entrapta. </p><p>He felt a bit like he was dreaming and at any moment they would throw him in a jail cell of his own making. He knew that some of the princesses somehow questioned his guilt, but is this truly what he deserved? He nearly flinched openly when the small, strangled voice inside of him whispered that he deserved to suffer for his mistakes and impurities. </p><p>Entrapta, however, was thrilled. When they were all finally dismissed she was alight with excitement about returning to Beast Island. Hordak had never been there himself, but if it was as dangerous as they made it out to be, he was still surprised that Entrapta had managed to survive there on her own. She wasn’t entirely alone apparently, as King Micah had also managed to survive there somehow for years, but this didn’t negate the fact that many, many others did not. He figured he shouldn’t be surprised, this was Entrapta after all, and with her ingenuity and reportedly the amount of First One’s tech the island contained.. Speaking of which.</p><p>“I can’t believe we get to clean up Beast Island!! There’s so much tech there!” She exclaimed, latching onto Hordak with her hair moments after the verdicts were read. Her excitement was palpable. “Think of what we could uncover once we find a way to disable the signal that enables the island core to suck the life out of its inhabitants! New crystals, new tech, new species to discover! This is gonna be so much fun!” She twirled about on her hair exuberantly. </p><p>Hordak had to once again admire the sheer magnitude of her energy and endurance, even after such a long day. He watched her with an air of fondness even as he felt unease linger in the undertow of his mind with the verdict.</p><p>The courtyard was alight with the princesses talking and reuniting after everything was finally said and done. By this time, their responsibilities for the day had finally ended, which meant that Entrapta could, at last, to show him what she had wanted to since yesterday. </p><p>Entrapta looped the strand of hair around his wrist again, this gesture somehow never failing to bring Hordak a deeply contented feeling, before leading him off to see ‘Darla’. At first it doesn’t seem like anyone else was paying attention to their departure, but the plant princess called after them to ask where they are going. Entrapta happily saying that they were going to visit Darla.</p><p> </p><p>Hordak was admittedly surprised at the scale of the spaceship and then greatly impressed as he realized that Entrapta alone must have refurbished this old ship completely by herself. He had expected a smaller vessel. Entrapta excitedly ushered him inside, shouting a greeting to the ship.</p><p>“Hello, Darla! I brought a friend! Say hello to Hordak!” She exclaimed, beaming when the ship replied, “Hello.”</p><p>Hordak’s ears perked up and he looked around, startled, not actually expecting the ship to be able to communicate. She zipped around the ship on her hair, laughing and flicking on energy sources as Hordak followed after her and looked around in wonder. He slowly made his way through the corridors, inspecting the control panels and display screens. It was old, yes, but at the same time, incredibly advanced technology with artistry of which he had never seen. It looked even bigger on the inside and certainly Prime’s ship had been larger in scale, but the magnitude of this for one person was astounding. </p><p>“..Entrapta, you renovated this ship.. alone?” Hordak asked incredulously. He knew the archer perhaps had some technical knowledge, but ultimately Entrapta would be the only Etherian that would be able to teach herself how to master space travel and to renovate a vessel that was hundreds of years old. For someone who had not even known other planets existed until 2 years prior, that was..</p><p>“Yep!” Entrapta exclaimed, popping out from behind a wall. She didn’t startle him like she did others; he’d learned to anticipate her sudden appearances.  “I also updated the engine, navigational grid, and AI software program! Darla and I got real close on the space expedition. She still needs some fine-tuning, her defenses and energy flow need some work, but isn’t she gorgeous??” She ran her hand across a particular panel fondly. Hordak watched the movement with his eyes. He reminded himself not to be envious of a ship.</p><p>“She is.” Hordak agreed, looking only at her. He couldn’t help the admiration shining through when he looked at his companion. Hordak was about to open his apparently very difficult-to-silence mouth again before Entrapta spoke again and he lost his nerve.</p><p>“Come with me! I wanted to get your thoughts on the defense shield; the hull took a few hits from an asteroid belt in space!!” She said enthusiastically, patting one of the walls. </p><p>“It was actually an amazing experience! Bow thought we were going to die, but it was so exciting, I still think about it!!” Entrapta was so excited and bursting with energy like she was a power source herself, just like she was in the Sanctum. For a moment it was almost like they had never left. Hordak felt drawn to her and a tender feeling blossomed in his chest. </p><p>Hordak found himself eager to view the technological specs of the ship with her. This was technology that possibly outdated Prime and the scientific part of Hordak’s mind was nearly giddy with the anticipation of learning about this advanced First One’s technology.  He didn’t know nearly as much about it as Entrapta did, and previously he had not been as interested in the concept, but now he was more than happy to let her teach him. </p><p>She pulled him over to a control room filled with wires and circuit boards and she began explaining the layout of the energy grid for the ship. Hordak’s ears tilted toward her as he listened intently. She was so clearly in her element and while her sentences were rapid with excitement, she was completely coherent to him, and Hordak was intrigued by every word. She clicked out a password into her datapad and pulled up a blue print of the ship’s electrical system.  She explained how each of the circuits matched the blueprint and how they powered the damaged defense shields. </p><p>Hordak felt the familiar stirrings of the gears in his own head, almost thrilled for a scientific problem that required solving. Finally a puzzle, something to fix, something he could make better. Despite his shortcomings with himself, Hordak knew how to use his skills to build, to improve something else. This, he enjoyed as much as she did. </p><p>They discussed how best to redirect the power grid to aid the defense shields and how to make them stronger, but first there were repairs to make and Hordak was more than willing to help with that. They traded ideas and Entrapta frantically took notes on her datapad when they agreed on a point. Entrapta handed the datapad to Hordak as she started manually re-connecting wires joyfully, grabbing tools with her hair as she went. He called out where to re-route the wires and she performed the task. </p><p>Hordak had learned a while ago to anticipate her working patterns and the tools she would require. However, when he reached for a wrench at the same time she did, her hair grabbed his fingers by mistake and nearly pulled him up to her level, now above Hordak’s height on a shelf. Luckily, she realized her mistake at the feel of the extra weight and the surprised grunt that Hordak made before Hordak was completely off the ground. She looked to him and pulled her hair away blushing.</p><p>“Oops! Sorry..” She said giggling bashfully. Hordak was reminded of her hair’s impressive strength. He was sure she could have lifted him clear off of the floor right then..</p><p>He watched with some apprehension as she climbed a bit higher, further over his head, scaling the walls to reach the higher panels. Hordak remained directly under her, vigilant, mostly for his own comfort, ready to act in case she had a misstep. He didn’t normally observe her from this angle. He blinked as he was forced to realize that it highlighted certain attributes. ..Was that inappropriate? </p><p>Sure enough, within a few minutes, Hordak saw her right foot slip from its place on the shelf as she reached for another wire, while she had not secured her body in place with her hair. She gasped and he raised his arm to provide solid footing for her foot on the palm of his hand. He supported her weight and she continued on like she had not almost fallen. As her left foot brushed Hordak’s fringe, nearly stepping on his head as he stood under her, Hordak felt inclined to speak.</p><p>“..Entrapta,.. I must ask that you.. utilize caution..” He said hesitantly, but firmly, trying to balance her using one hand and still maintain his watch and hold up and read the datapad with his other. </p><p>“I’m always careful!” Entrapta said cheerfully as she continued to work. “What’s the next circuit?”</p><p>Hordak let out a low breath before he read out the next numbers. He was used to her not taking her own safety seriously.</p><p>“..Forgive me if this is.. impolite, but you often do not sustain clear regard for your safety,.. especially in your scientific endeavors..” Hordak said as delicately as he could manage. This was not debatable as far as he was concerned. He had seen her carelessness firsthand; this was a genuine issue in his mind. Entrapta stepped off of his hand to reach a higher level. </p><p>“I do too! You just worry too much.” Entrapta said with a smile as she yanked a few more wires out of their respective ports. Hordak frowned.</p><p>“I do not.. ‘worry’. I logically anticipate a possible negative outcome. ..With good reason. ” Hordak replied indignantly.</p><p>“That’s ‘worrying’! You’re a worrier. You were even back in the Fright Zone. Every time there was an explosion you would worry.” Entrapta explained simply. Hordak’s ears flicked sulkily and he felt his brows furrow. This seemed like a reductive statement.</p><p>“..I am not a ‘worrier’. ..I was merely.. concerned about the explosions..” Hordak stated informatively.</p><p>“Because you worried about a possible negative outcome.” Entrapta countered, eyebrows raised challengingly. </p><p>“So that the experiment would come to fruition and without casualties.”</p><p>“Because you worried if the experiment was not a success.”</p><p>“Because I did not wish to see you come to harm!” Hordak declared and immediately regretted opening his mouth. </p><p>Hordak remembered back to the time when he was clone of few words. This all seemed to have gone haywire in the last 48 hours. His subconscious seemed unable to recognize the word ‘subtlety’ and Hordak decided that he was truly beyond saving.</p><p>Entrapta paused what she was doing and looked down to him, blinking.</p><p>“..Just me?  You were worried about me?” Entrapta inquired, tilting her head. Hordak’s ears lowered as he felt color light his face.</p><p>“…I had not wanted you incapacitated..” He said lowly, trying to cover up what he had said, but the truth was already out. Out, exposed, and withering under Entrapta’s keen, scientific eye.</p><p>“..You were afraid I was going to get hurt.” She said like pieces had just clicked into place. “Ooh. That makes a lot more sense in retrospect. You always looked sort of.. scared, when I caused an explosion..” Entrapta said, looking to the side, rubbing her chin, contemplating. Hordak felt his face flush even more.</p><p>“Not scared!-“ He said, trying to reclaim some of his dignity before she cut him off.</p><p>“I’m not really used to people worrying about me..” She looked down and her hair briefly twisted on itself, almost like her anxiety, but not quite. Hordak was not certain what that gesture meant. </p><p>“..It’s a nice feeling.” She said with a small smile. “I care about you too, Hordak.” She said gently, looking down at him briefly with almost.. fondness in her eyes. Hordak felt his eyes widen.</p><p>“..Entrapta..” He felt like all other words had been taken right out of him. She seamlessly made these.. ‘translations’ of his words and actions like it was nothing and while he was always a bit uneasy about her effortless ability to read him, she was not.. wrong.. </p><p>Entrapta grinned and started to climb down from her spot on the high shelf.</p><p>“I think we’re good in here for now. I still need to show you the engine room!” She bounded to the floor as Hordak watched with only a little anxiety and prepared himself to catch her if she fell. There were times where she was amazingly, effortlessly graceful and this was one of those times. He watched as she made her way to the ground without falling and started to use her hair to tumble and nearly leap out of the room.</p><p>“Come on!” She yelled after him, only instead of grabbing his wrist with a strand of her hair like she normally did, he felt the tendril of her hair trail down his arm in a way Hordak could only assume was intentional before she was out of sight.  He stared after her for a moment, caught off guard, trying to gather his thoughts and his resolve. He blinked and looked down at his arm as he contemplated what these new gestures meant. She must have known that he would come after her. She was right – wherever she went, he would follow. </p><p>In the end, they didn’t just re-route the power to fortify the shields, but they created an entirely new force-field defense system. Hordak simply felt glad that he could be of use to Entrapta. Although he would be lying if he said he wasn’t enjoying this greatly. He utilized his knowledge of lasers to add to the offensive system at his insistence and much to Entrapta’s delight. They only argued briefly about what color the lasers should be. (Hordak insisting red was a more threatening color to their enemies, while Entrapta retained that pink was just as intimidating. They settled on purple, which they both agreed was a powerful color.)</p><p>When Hordak realized that she was only using average, everyday rope to anchor herself to the ship during her off-ship endeavors in space, he insisted that they work on designing a complex, durable, but flexible material to use for this purpose instead. Entrapta used her robotics skills to incorporate memory into a metal cord and enable it to stretch, coil, and remain firm at will. It was an entirely new creation and Entrapta was understandably excited to test it out.</p><p>As Hordak tested the reinforced cord with his claws to make sure it was secure, he couldn’t help but to grin as he barely made a scratch in the material of the thick coil. Entrapta’s ingenuity was truly a sight to behold and he was honored to be able to work at her side. As they measured the cord’s tensile strength, Entrapta passed him the datapad with her hair so he could input his conclusions too. Hordak felt the smile on his face, conscious of something that was using muscles he rarely ever utilized. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been so at ease as he watched Entrapta cheer excitedly as the strength of the new material proved greater than they had anticipated. Hordak was having.. fun.</p><p>“We did it!” Entrapta said gleefully, bouncing around on her hair. Hordak felt entirely comfortable here, as he finished typing in the final numbers and saved the file on the datapad. He took note of the file she had created for this new experiment, ‘Experiment #2478 – Nano-cord’, she called it, logically saved in the ‘Experiment Files’ folder.  As the file saved, Hordak’s eye was caught by the name of another folder next to the one currently being used and he did a double-take. He clicked back and to his surprise, it did indeed exist – a folder called ‘Hordak Files’, right in between ‘Hexdriver Files’ and ‘Horde Blueprints’. Hordak blinked at it for a small eternity. Perhaps these were the experiments regarding himself that she had yet to share with him? </p><p>He looked over at Entrapta, who was perfecting the mechanism for which the nano-cord would attach to the individual space suits. Oblivious to what he had just discovered. This was not Hordak’s datapad, and he was conscious of a wrongness he felt to search through Entrapta’s personal things without her knowledge of it. Even if it had his name on it..</p><p>Ultimately, it was against Hordak’s nature and moral principles to view this file without Entrapta’s consent, even if the curiosity he felt was positively daunting. He allowed himself a brief hover over the folder only to learn that it contained 256 files. 256 files? About <i>what?</i></p><p>He quickly exited the screen and re-opened their current experiment before his unruly inquisitiveness could get the better of him. Hordak was unsure if it would be inappropriate to inquire about the folder, or if that would reveal that he was snooping where he shouldn’t be, even if he had not meant to..</p><p>“Hordak!” Entrapta suddenly appeared right next to him, and this time, Hordak truly was startled. He let out a gasp and nearly dropped the datapad, taking a step back in surprise. To make matters worse, then Entrapta seemed to forget whatever she was about to say and she appeared suddenly fixated on something that caught her eye and her face then grew closer to his and this spooked him even more.</p><p>Before Hordak could say anything Entrapta’s eyes seemed to be firmly analyzing his face with an acute concentration before her eyebrows rose. A limb of hair then rested on Hordak’s shoulder as she leaned ever closer and Hordak was forced to lean back.</p><p>“Hordak!! Your eyes! Your teeth! They’re not the same color green they were before - they look more orange now! Are they changing back?” Her eyes lit up and she clenched her fists in front of her excitedly. She leaned more weight on Hordak’s shoulder as she observed his eyes closely and this put just enough weight on Hordak’s already-contorted upper half to completely throw him off balance. He let out a brief, cut-off cry as he toppled backwards; Entrapta yelling disjointedly as she was caught by surprise, and unexpectedly, fell right along with him. </p><p>Only Entrapta’s hair kept them from having a very violent collision with the floor. She caught Hordak’s head before it hit the ground and he had grasped her sides to hold her aloft in order to ensure that he took the brunt of the fall. Entrapta landed on top of him with both hands braced on his chest; Hordak’s hands held her, wrapping around her midriff. </p><p>“..Oh.” Entrapta let out quietly. While Hordak had some of the wind knocked out of his already worn lungs, their faces were so close together, that he could feel her breath against his mouth. Could see the specks of sparkling, red highlights in her vibrant pink irises. Hordak could scarcely breathe at all. Wide eyes looked at wide eyes, and she was dazzling, and so entirely near..</p><p>It was impossible not to note the closeness and heat of her weight on him. How much of her was touching him all at once. How soft she was in his grip and how his fingertips nearly touched each other for how small her circumference was between them. Her weight was sturdy and unyielding and yet completely light. She was warm and still and essentially straddling him. Hordak was not only too shocked to move, but increasingly alarmed by how <i>okay</i> he was in this position, supporting her weight. More than okay. Underneath her. Hordak’s entire face flushed, ears back. Stars, there had to be something truly wrong with him.</p><p>It felt so pleasant to hold her. Their previous contact of hugging was wondrous on its own, but this.. her resting her entire weight on him and her hands on him, his on her.. this,.. this was something entirely new.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>.So I'm a sucker for romantic fanfic tropes, what can I say..</p><p>Wow, chapter 10! We've come so far. I'm very curious to know what has been your favorite part/scene in this story so far, so please feel free to let me know!</p><p>Thank you, lovely commenters, for your wonderful support. I'm very grateful.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. The Dynamics of Fragility</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Hordak has a vulnerable moment and the two scientists continue to explore Darla together.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
<i>It felt so pleasant to hold her. The contact of hugging was wondrous on its own, but this.. her resting her entire weight on him and her hands on him, his on her.. this was something entirely new. </i>
</p><p>But things like this never seemed to last long, did they?</p><p>Hordak felt the coil of Entrapta’s hair that was holding his neck and head up from the ground brush firmly across his dorsal neck port and it hit him like a rush of ice water. Hordak’s stomach dropped as his mind filled with panic. That place was like an off-switch for him – more literally than metaphorically - and abruptly, Hordak felt frighteningly vulnerable. He let out a small, completely unconscious yelp and sprung up into a sitting position. He placed a hand quickly over the port to shield it from invasion as Entrapta watched in surprise. </p><p>She took everything in with an analytical stare and while Hordak wasn’t sure, the fact that she was not immediately asking questions seemed to indicate that perhaps she was developing a vague understanding of what had just occurred. She withdrew her hair from him and lifted herself off and further away from him with its assistance.</p><p>Hordak cursed his overly dramatic reaction that had been pulled from his depths with everything in him as Entrapta continued to look at him speculatively. She lowered herself to sit on the floor across from him a few feet away, as he reluctantly forced himself to move the hand covering his neck port that just peeked out from the hem of his sweater. How could he display such a large and obvious weakness in front of her? Didn’t he already seem weak enough? He told himself that he was being incessantly foolish; that she would never use this information to harm him. He reminded himself that he had apparently come to the conclusion that he loved her, but Hordak was not prepared to be this.. <i>exposed</i> around her. </p><p>Entrapta watched him for another moment before her eyes flicked away, looking off towards the middle ground. </p><p>“..Sorry..” She said carefully, like she was testing a hypothesis. She didn’t look directly at him, her eyes darted around meekly. “That was.. my fault. I made you uncomfortable.” </p><p>Hordak wasn’t looking at her; he couldn’t bear to right now. He was flooded with shame and anger that he tried to keep hidden, but he could tell Entrapta was made uncomfortable by his own discomfort. He wanted to say that it wasn’t her fault; she obviously did not mean to trigger his ludicrous insecurities. He had effectively ruined a very close moment. A moment that felt surreal and visceral. The animal part of Hordak just wanted to hide. He could still hear his heartbeat in his head. How was he expected to maintain this façade that he could be.. involved with her when he could barely maintain even a standard of normalcy? Was he so damaged that he could not even control himself?</p><p>“..Do you want to talk about it?” Entrapta asked quietly. Hordak’s ears perked up and flicked back quickly after. No, he absolutely, without question did <i>not</i>..</p><p>“I’m not great at figuring out what I do to make others uncomfortable, but I think I understand. That neck port.. is that where Prime hurt you?” She asked worriedly, fussing with the fabric of her coveralls. </p><p>Hordak felt the rest of the color drain from his face and couldn’t completely stop himself from cringing outright in response. He wasn’t expecting her to truly start hypothesizing about his reaction. Entrapta was far too observant for her own good. What else could he possibly expect from her. She seemed to know him better than he knew himself..</p><p>“You mentioned the hivemind links directly with your central nervous system and that’s the closest port you have to your brainstem, if your anatomy is anything like an Etherian’s, you don’t like people standing behind you, when we met Wrong Hordak, the largest cord connecting him to his pod was through that port, and what I theorized was to the hivemind as well-“ she started listing off, and Hordak only grew more and more mortified. He also became ever aware that he did not enjoy comparisons between ‘Wrong Hordak’ and himself, no matter how arbitrary..</p><p>“I do not wish to speak of this..!” Hordak said with near desperation, absolutely needing her to cease talking about his weakness. If Prime’s influence still followed him through his daily life even in death and will continue to do so for the rest of time, then the least he could do was keep this private. Part of Hordak had wanted Entrapta to know just how damaged he was if only to keep her from growing closer, to know what she was getting into with him, but at the same time, he was distraught at the idea of her realizing that he was broken and inadequate. That he wasn’t worth her efforts to befriend him.</p><p>“That’s okay. You don’t have to.” Entrapta said simply, wrapping her arms around her knees. </p><p>Hordak slowly lifted his head, blinking. He was still not facing her. He wasn’t prepared for her to drop the subject so quickly and move on. </p><p>Hordak realized then part of what had him so upset; that he was anticipating having his memories purged. He never had a choice to withhold information from Prime, his mind was violated regardless of his will. As was his vulnerable port. But Entrapta would not make him speak. She would not force him. His surprise at her statement must have been palpable, as she reassured him.</p><p>“We don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to. There are plenty of things I don’t always feel comfortable talking about..” She said, fiddling with her hair, looking downward. Hordak felt relief, but he was still unsettled. Her eyes trailed back to him only to look away again. Before he could restart the self-deprecating rhetoric in his head, he saw a coil of her hair come towards him on the ground and followed it with his eyes. It stopped about a foot from his right hand. Entrapta fidgeted a little before she resolved herself to speaking.</p><p>“..I don’t like seeing you upset. I hate that-.. that Prime hurt you..” Entrapta crossed her legs and clenched her fists against her shins. “..You didn’t deserve any of what happened to you.. And I’m glad that he’s gone.” She said determinedly. Hordak’s eyes widened slightly, keeping his gaze on the floor. Something deep inside him shuttered firmly. </p><p>“..I.. don’t know how good I am at providing comfort, but I’ve read enough texts on the potential benefit of support and contact. Can I.. hold your hand?” She inquired delicately. </p><p>It was such a small request and she seemed so earnest. As much as Hordak was ashamed at his reaction, angry with himself, and if he were in the Fright Zone, he likely would have stormed off in embarrassment a long time ago, not wanting to be seen and not wanting to see pity. Now he had nowhere to go and nothing to gain from leaving. Not after Entrapta was so excited to show him this ship and even now Hordak did not truly wish to leave. He could not pretend that the feeling of her hair wrapped around his hand historically was not a comforting one. </p><p>Hordak nodded stiffly, but instead of watching her hair slither under his palm, Entrapta smoothly scooted next to him, still leaving some space between them, before carefully placing her hand over his, grasping it gently. </p><p>Hordak’s ears lowered. Her hand looked and felt so small against his. He watched as he slowly turned his hand and she closed hers around his. Entrapta smiled, looking down at their clasped hands before looking carefully up at his face again.</p><p>“..Your eyes really are orange, now. Do you think they’re changing back?” She asked, tilting her head. “Your hair is still the same..”</p><p>He lifted his head to blink at her once again, remembering how this all started and how she had  looked at him so intently before, even losing her own original train of thought. His traitorous mind also threw him back to their previous state of closeness shockingly easily given the fact that his heart was still coming down from his throat. The contrasting associated feelings of the memory gave him an odd sort of mental whiplash. Hordak had certainly not realized that anything had changed about his appearance.</p><p>“..I do not know.” He eventually replied.  “I did not feel the change the first time either..” He had essentially gone from seeing his reflection as having green eyes and teeth one day to red another. The transition was within days of being separated from the hivemind, which fit the current timeline. Entrapta was practically bouncing in excitement next to him, lifting her crossed legs onto her hair.</p><p>“Ohh, I missed your red eyes!” She exclaimed happily, looking into his face - darting between his orbits and his mouth. One of Hordak’s ears raised in curiosity.</p><p>“..You.. did?” Hordak questioned. He had not realized that his ocular pigmentation was a particular feature that she was fond of.</p><p>“Yes! They suited you!” She said brightly before hesitating. “..Not to say that the green was bad, or even the orange, which is actually quite pretty.. You’re still very attractive with any coloring.” Entrapta said matter-of-factly. Hordak froze, convinced that he had to have misheard her.</p><p>“...Very..?” Hordak inquired completely monotone, feeling as though a strong wind could blow him over. Entrapta tilted her head and flushed very slightly, but showed no other outward signs of embarrassment.</p><p>“Attractive, yes. ..Did you not know? Hmm, I’m going to have to be more blunt.” She rose a bit more on her hair to be eye-level with him, taking his hand with her, rubbing her free hand on her coveralls. </p><p>“I find you very physically attractive, Hordak.” And Hordak was struck speechless again and he felt his face burn. How was he to understand this?  Hordak furrowed his brow and shook his head, like it was her that must be confused.</p><p>“..No. No, not.. <i>you</i> are, I am not..” Hordak almost instinctively rebutted what he did not agree with. He tried to articulate his bewilderment, but it would not tumble out of his mouth eloquently and his ears lowered as he realized what he had just said. Entrapta flushed and ducked her head before looking up at him briefly with wide eyes before looking to the side. </p><p>“..Oh.. you.. really think so..?” She very briefly looked up at him again, through her lashes, almost coy, and Hordak felt a spark catch and light down his spine. “..I’m glad.”</p><p>She smiled softly at him, her hair ends circling each other.</p><p>“..And you are. To me.” She said smiling. Hordak tilted his head subconsciously, uncomprehending of how that could possibly be. He knew that she would not lie to him, and he did not question her intelligence, but he also knew what he looked like. He forced his bewildered mind to actually absorb the statements she was making, which sounded like blasphemy. He looked nothing like traditional Etherian models of beauty. Especially with.. </p><p>“..But, you’ve seen..” Hordak’s ears flicked back and he self-consciously lifted his free hand to place it lightly over his opposite forearm. Over the deformities beneath the fabric of the sweater that he knew were hideous. Entrapta’s gaze grew saddened before she scooted closer to him. She looked at him as she tentatively raised a hand and placed it gently over his own on his forearm. Hordak watched the gesture with surprise.</p><p>“..You know how I feel about your imperfections. And I’m so sorry that you were made to feel that they decreased your worth. And I’m.. sad that the others acted the way they did when you showed them. That was very brave of you to do. They just don’t understand. I think you’re beautiful..” Entrapta said softly, looking sincerely up at him. </p><p>Hordak’s ears felt hot and he felt hollowed out. His grip on his own forearm tightened under his hand. He’d never understand this and another automatic response fought its way out. </p><p> “..I am..not..”</p><p>Entrapta looked back up at him and held up a strand of hair, like she was holding up a finger to make a point.</p><p>“Oh, you are. And since beauty is in the eye of the beholder, or so I’ve been told, as a subjective measurement, you can’t refute my interpretation.” She looked at him seriously again, leaning in a bit closer.</p><p>“..You don’t believe me, do you?” She asked, tilting her head. Hordak could only stare back at her, unmoving. He wanted to believe her, he truly did, but how could he? She started fidgeting more, like she was nervous.</p><p>“..I actually have, uh, collected a.. whole file of features that I found attractive about you.. Is that intrusive? Should I have told you about that? It’s not an experiment, not really..” Entrapta explained. And Hordak could only look at her, flushed, with his mouth open in surprise. Was this part of the ‘Hordak Files’ he had discovered on her datapad? Never in his wildest dreams..</p><p>“Hmm..” Entrapta paused looked down at her hands. “I think that it’s hard for you to believe that I find you attractive, just like it’s hard for me to believe that you find me attractive. That’s kind of paradoxical, isn’t it?” She said, considering. Hordak’s ears perked at that, did she not think she was..?</p><p>“Well, I have time to convince you now, so don’t worry.” She continued assuredly, but Hordak was still caught on her previous implication. This was suddenly very relevant. </p><p>“…Why do you say that? Has someone implied that you were physically undesirable?” Hordak questioned seriously. Entrapta looked up at him and blinked before flushing and quickly looking away. Her hair jostled uneasily.</p><p>“W-well..” She began meekly, twirling her fingers together and looking uncomfortable with the topic, but flustered at the inquiry. That was all of the confirmation that Hordak needed and he felt molten anger build inside him as his ears tilted back. Who would dare? He felt a growl build in the back of his throat thinking of someone disrespecting Entrapta in such a manner.</p><p>“Who told you that?” Hordak asked grimly. Entrapta hesitated, fidgeting with her gloves. She looked all around the room, but would not look directly at him. </p><p>“..I don't.. tend to fit into traditional Etherian female aesthetic standards..” Entrapta explained cautiously, eyes fixated on a distant location on the far right ceiling.  Hordak raised a brow. </p><p>“That is untrue..!” He protested, flabbergasted that she could feel that way. As if that were truth.. His mind fell back to the shallow, Etherian literature he had consumed when he first arrived on this planet. He hesitated when Entrapta’s eyes widened, understanding what he was implying with his verbiage, but still feeling resolve rise within him. His trepidation with discussing this topic and risking consequently being too honest warred with the desire he felt to inform her of her grievous misunderstanding. Especially if this was something told to her by another Etherian.. Hordak lacked the self-control to keep himself silent.  </p><p>“..I fail to comprehend these so-called established standards. You-”  Hordak insisted. After all this, Entrapta looked at him with something like shock, and Hordak felt his heart sink in recognition that she truly believed this. Whatever sentiments had been expressed to her previously had clearly left their mark and Hordak would scour the entirety of Etheria for the individuals who hurt her if he were able..</p><p>Hordak fought with his own foolish, personal embarrassment to force out the words and hope they did not sound insincere coming from him.</p><p>“..You are.. very.. aesthetically pleasing..”</p><p>Entrapta had been looking at him a bit apprehensively with her head slightly tilted, as if trying to study what he was saying analytically. At these last words, Entrapta’s face turned a darker shade of red and she tightly clasped both of her hands together, seemingly to have something to hold onto. She let out a small, high-pitched sound before covering her face with her hair, mumbling a small, “O-oh..”.</p><p>Her hair twisted on itself anxiously as Hordak watched, a bit flustered himself, wondering if that were the correct thing to say. Entrapta spoke a in a low, contemplative tone almost as if Hordak wasn’t meant to hear, still hiding her face.</p><p>“..Fascinating. Oh, there’s that erratic cardiovascular activity again..” She said, muffled from behind her hair. Hordak heard her let out a somewhat shaky breath before abruptly straightening, perking up and peeking out from the covering of her hair.</p><p>“I forgot! I still have to show you the fuel crystals!” She said enthusiastically, almost seeming like she was  looking for an avenue to change the topic. She parted the rest of the hair covering her face and used it to lift herself up. </p><p>“Do you still want to see the rest of the ship?” She asked. Hordak was surprised by the acute change in topic for only a second before he grunted and nodded in agreement. She smiled widely. </p><p>“Okay, let’s go!” As if their previous conversation was but a dream, she excitedly pulled him up and guided him by his hand to another room in the ship.</p><p> </p><p>Hordak somehow felt even lighter as he stood by and listened attentively as Entrapta explained to him about the fuel crystals that powered the ship and how she and the rest of the crew had to acquire more on an otherwise desolate planet on their journey. She showed him the engine and they fell into discussing whether or not to add additional First One’s components to upgrade it or if it was fine as is, but just required additional power. The two of them slipped back into their old pattern of easy communication about the scientific dilemmas at hand. It felt like adorning a garment that fit perfectly, like they had stepped back in time. Again, Hordak realized how much he had missed this. </p><p>They then discussed how to best utilize the limited crystal fuel source and where they would possibly be able to find more. Or better yet..</p><p>“..The individual components of the crystals can be analyzed to determine whether the chemical-“ Hordak suggested thoughtfully before Entrapta finished his thought.</p><p>“-constituents can be reproduced! In a laboratory setting! I had the exact same thought!” She declared hopping up on her hair and clapping her gloved hands together animatedly, laughing. He was helpless not to smile back at her. </p><p>“Oooh, I missed this so much! I missed being able to talk science with someone who comprehends it! I can’t talk to anyone else like this; they don’t get it!” She fell backwards on her hair dramatically as she relayed her previous social dilemmas. “They look at me like I’m speaking another language!” She said, exasperated, waving her hands around. “When we get back to Dryl, it will be just like old times!” Hordak blinked.</p><p>“..’We’?” Hordak started, raising his brows. Surely she couldn’t have meant..</p><p>“I mean, we could go back to the Fright Zone, we do need to stop back there for a few things! Boy, I miss Emily…  but I’m fairly certain a lot of it was destroyed in the battle and it belongs at least partially to Scorpia now..” Entrapta said contemplating, looking upward with her fingers rubbing her chin. Hordak felt his heart flutter when she kept saying “we”. He understood that he had to be more direct with his questioning; he had to make sure he was interpreting this correctly.</p><p>“..You want me to.. go with you?” Hordak asked cautiously, trying to bury his blatant want for a positive reply. She turned to look at him, still sitting atop her hair.</p><p>“Of course! I thought I was being implicit about that. You still want to be lab partners, right?” She asked expectantly. </p><p>“..Yes.” He replied, still feeling stupefied. She made another thoughtful face.</p><p>“Hmm, I guess I never asked you directly, did I? If you’d want to move back to Dryl with me? Was that presumptuous?” She paused before continuing. “..I suppose that sort of request has certain implications in a certain context, but I had only meant for the convenience of continuing to work together.. But I would be open to the implications of this in that other context as well..” She spiraled into a quieter tone, turning slightly pink in the face. Hordak was honestly a bit confused. She seemed to shake herself out of it.</p><p>“Anyway! The offer still stands, no strings attached, if you want to. Come with me to Dryl, that is.” She said, only slightly flustered. Hordak blinked. Maybe this should have crossed his mind before now, but he had not even thought this far ahead. </p><p>“..You truly want me to live with you?” Hordak asked, feeling slow, but still unconvinced that he was hearing her correctly. </p><p>“Yes! I’d love that!” Entrapta exclaimed excitedly, forming fists with her hands, before dampening her enthusiasm a bit. “Only if you’d want to.”</p><p>“..I..would like that.” Hordak said, expecting to wake up at some point, because how could she possibly want him around all the time in her home kingdom? Wasn’t this a bit too good to be true? His reply seemed to fill her with even more glee and she let out a squeal of delight.</p><p>“Yeess!!” She cried, extending her arms in the air. “This is going to be so much fun! We have a few weeks until we’re deployed to Salineas, there’s so many things we can work on!” She said fervently, bouncing up and down. Hordak could only be bewildered and grateful that the thought filled her with as much joy as it did him. Just when he thought his life could not become any more unpredictable.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I truly appreciate each and every one of your comments - you keep me going. Thanks so much to those leaving their thoughts!</p><p>As always, all the best.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Come Undone (Surrender is Stronger)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Hordak falls back into old patterns and Entrapta works to keep him afloat.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hordak assisted Entrapta in dislodging a fuel crystal and doing what they could to sample and analyze it with the limited equipment they had at their disposal inside the ship. Hordak felt content, but such a feeling and its newness seemed to bring another sense of impending anxiety. It was almost as if too many things were going right, and for a creature such as Hordak, he felt that his luck was just bound to run out soon.</p><p>His mind was pulled back outward as they both spoke their thoughts out loud, mutual admiration shining through as they came up with and combined new ideas; Entrapta eagerly typing up notes on her datapad. They estimated the amount of energy each crystal contained based on the amount needed to power the ship. Based on these estimates, the conversation naturally started to flow about what else they may be able to use crystals of this nature for. </p><p>Obviously, Entrapta brought up robots, which was a given, but they also discussed powering the lab’s electronics, heating sources, lighting..</p><p>“..You know,” Entrapta started slowly, looking upward and tapping her fingers together excitedly, like she had an idea she could not contain. “even though we can’t build them anymore, these would probably power some incredibly powerful weaponry..” She said almost longingly. </p><p>Hordak looked to her with equal parts surprise and equal parts excitement. It appeared that she missed that aspect about their work as much as he did. It would certainly be different, being unable to formulate offensive bots and weapon designs anymore. This was a fond specialty of his and he had taught himself so much about it over the last two decades. He reminded himself that he no longer had a military force, but the thought of utilizing his unique skillset again with Entrapta’s assistance had him delighted. He even felt himself chuckle mischievously. </p><p>“Indeed.” He said with a grin he just couldn’t stop. “Imagine the artillery we could create; the battle robots, the laser cannons, the blasters.. using just a quarter of one of these crystals can create explosive ammunition with a blast radius to level reinforced buildings - perhaps even entire cities!” Hordak emphasized, gaining enthusiasm as he went on, clenching his fists and drawing them up the more exhilarated he became. Entrapta beamed at him and clenched her own fists, excitedly shaking them back and forth. </p><p>“The battle-bots would be nearly indestructible with the defense shields and self-healing reinforcement codes I could provide!” She gasped as she came up with another idea. “Utilizing the ship’s technology on a small scale, we can even make <i>flying</i> battlefield robots and equip them with blaster guns! The aerial battle maneuvering capabilities would be unmatched in battle because none of the princesses have flight capabilities!” Her voice became higher pitched as she grew more excited, lifting herself onto her hair. Hordak’s grin was now wide enough to show teeth – as always, her ideas were brilliant. </p><p>“Our forces would be invincible! Any who dared challenge our might would be utterly vanquished!” Hordak exclaimed, now in a fantasy of their own creation, feeling jovial and powerful. Entrapta laughed with glee, her hair moving wildly, emphatically agreeing with Hordak’s confident proclamation. Hordak realized that he had lapsed into melodramatics again, but Entrapta seemed to enjoy this, so he did not feel embarrassed, only lighthearted. </p><p>Hordak lowered his hands and cleared his throat, reminding himself that this was indeed merely a fantasy now. </p><p>“As.. intriguing as such an idea is, it is likely best to focus on our current mission.” Hordak said while Entrapta snickered and grinned mischievously, taking a few more notes in her datapad before humming and joining Hordak to take samples from the fuel crystal.</p><p>However, Hordak felt that his heart rate had yet to normalize even after a few minutes. Only then did he fully feel the nagging sensation of shakiness that he had never fully recovered from since the trial. It had been an undercurrent present throughout the day that he had been able to ignore; he had decades to grow used to the feeling and function around it, however now it suddenly appeared stronger. When he felt his breath coming shorter, unable to catch it, he was unfortunately familiar with what was going to happen next. </p><p>He leaned on a wall as he saw his peripheral vision blacken. He heard Entrapta say his name in an alarmed tone as the world went sideways, but something caught his fall.</p><p> </p><p>The next thing Hordak knew, he was horizontal and waking again. He groaned and forced himself to further awareness. His eyes opened and he found himself under a blanket, his head on a pillow, and unfamiliar with his surroundings. He sat up with a grunt and when he caught a glimpse of Entrapta near him, looking over her datapad, all of his recent memories came back.</p><p>He had fainted in front of her, again. </p><p>Hordak looked down at his lap with a snarl as he felt a burning anger rise inside of him, directed only at himself, as it always did whenever his defect would get the best of him. However, the last time his fainting spell occurred, it had also been privy to Entrapta’s watch. In fact, it had not occurred since she had created his new armor. </p><p>“Hordak!” She exclaimed brightly, putting her datapad down upon seeing him rouse. She kept her distance, sitting on her hair a few feet from the bed he now realized he was placed in. Looking around, Hordak realized that they must still be on the spaceship.</p><p>“How are you feeling? I couldn’t make you soup this time. Though based on how similar this fainting event was to your last one, I figured we may have over-done it today without your armor. I should have let you rest more.. The good news is I’m just about done with the new design blue print and we can get started on it ASAP!”</p><p>Feeling her concerned gaze on him, Hordak had a hard time looking back at her. His eyes narrowed, gaze still on his own hands, as the anger within him sizzled before the steam morphed into something like hopelessness.</p><p>Despite his ‘healing’, Entrapta’s generosity, his extremely light sentencing; what had he done to earn any of it? Between his shaking, his port, and his syncope, all he has done is proven just how defective and weak he truly was. The wicked voice in his head that enjoyed telling him that he was worthless pushed itself to the forefront and Hordak felt colder. </p><p>He felt Entrapta deflate next to him, noticing his scowl. Undoubtedly, she gathered negativity in his disposition.  But why, why would she care about him?</p><p>Instead of lashing out, as was his normal response to stress, he actually felt some of the anger burn out of him, but what was left was confusion and frustration. He was not worth her concern. He will be more of a nuisance to her now that she had accepted his offer to take him with her. She did not know what she was getting herself into. A deep resignation settled into the pit of his stomach. His stubborn mind went back to the trial again and he couldn't understand why they would be so lenient with him. Why they would choose not to see his imperfections.. </p><p>“..Hordak,.. you’re making that face again. Can you tell me what you’re feeling?” She asked directly, looking him over and furrowing her brow. The majority of Hordak did not want to discuss this. Not for the first time today, he acutely just wanted to be alone – or at least that’s what he told himself. A smaller part of him just felt like shutting down, he felt like a failure again. The last part of him just wanted to be with her to try to exchange the hurt for the warm feelings that he received from being in her presence. He knew that if this part were to win over the vacancy in his headspace, he would need to speak to her, and that seemed like a very daunting task. He let out a rough breath and grit his teeth, trying to put his thoughts into words. </p><p>“...I do not understand why.. you feel concern for me. I have been nothing but a burden to you since Prime’s arrival. Even before..”</p><p>Entrapta furrowed her brows and looked confused, like that was not what she was expecting him to say.</p><p>“..What are you talking about?” Entrapta questioned, baffled. Hordak respected her greatly, but thought that perhaps he may have to be more simplistic. </p><p>“..You have.. decided to keep me, when I am symptomatically defective. When I do not deserve this..”</p><p>Entrapta tilted her head and looked at him even more oddly.</p><p>“ ‘Keep’ you? Hordak, that phrasing makes it seem like I own you. And no one owns you. You’re free now.” She said earnestly. When Hordak only stared blankly, she started to understand more.</p><p>“...Oh, that must be scary, right? You’ve been alone, but you never thought that you were truly alone before, even if you’re not..” Entrapta looked down in thought. There were so many variables to consider about Hordak’s history and his upbringing, it was so hard to tell what he was thinking sometimes.</p><p>“..You can be anyone you want to be now. But Hordak,.. I don’t want to be a replacement for.. what you had before. I want to be your equal. I want to be with you, but as partners, no subordination. Okay?” She outlined carefully, knowing she was treading water in this discussion, not wanting to mention Prime, but the more she thought about it simplistically, the more it made sense.</p><p>Hordak slumped slightly, feeling somewhat ashamed to have asked something like that from her, even if he didn’t mean to. He felt unquestionably saddened initially when it seemed like she no longer wanted him, but that wasn’t what this was about. </p><p>It was about power balances and imbalances, and how his whole life revolved around this. How it was difficult for him to rationalize things any differently than this. From what he knew.</p><p>Entrapta wanted to be his equal. While it seemed that he would be happy at her feet if she would have him, that was not what she wanted. They were partners. And Hordak was free. </p><p>Resolution must have not shown on his face because Entrapta then looked at him very seriously.</p><p>“Hordak,.. what is this really about? I know we haven’t.. talked much about our feelings, but you know you can tell me anything, right?”</p><p>Hordak grit his teeth again, fighting against another snarl, finding it incredibly difficult to communicate the multitude of thoughts in his head. He then started pouring out all of the things that confused him. He hated how his mind felt so disorganized. He hated not comprehending what was happening and being unable to interpret the motivations of the princesses or Entrapta herself..</p><p>“...I am not.. worthy of your concern.” He forced out lowly. “I do not understand why you care for me. ..And I still do not understand why punishment was withheld..” Did they not see how irreparably damaged he was? To some degree, Hordak understood the unproductiveness of this spiral within himself, but he did not otherwise know how to cope with being so frail in front of another. If he was not disciplined for his weakness, then what..?</p><p>Entrapta’s expression turned distraught and she moved closer to him slowly, almost tentative.</p><p>“..Oh Hordak,.. it seems I’ve greatly underestimated your understanding regarding how I feel about you. I didn’t realize..” She said quietly, her hair twisting in anxiety.</p><p>Entrapta took a seat directly in front of him on her hair with her legs crossed and formed two hand-shapes with limbs of her hair while Hordak watched with a sort of apprehension. She seemed to be about to use this to touch him, before she hesitated.</p><p>“..Can I touch your face? I.. noticed you flinched yesterday, so I thought I should ask first..” Entrapta asked gently, a little bit sheepish. Hordak’s gaze was fixated on her, curious, even given his melancholy. He was certain that he would let her do anything she wanted to with him. Hordak at least still had the sensibility to realize how intrinsically foolish that was and how that is not what Entrapta would want him to think.</p><p>He slowly nodded his head and then his eyes widened as the two ‘hands’ cupped both sides of his face gently. She looked to the side, seeming to contemplate her words before looking right into him.</p><p>“Hordak,.. I know you don’t think you deserve a second chance, but I do. I’ll never change my mind about that. I.. understand it more now, after the trial and what you said.” She looked so sad again and Hordak wanted to take that feeling from her. </p><p>“..I know that you feel the way you do for a reason, even if I don’t… like it.” She paused again, looking down. Hordak could tell this was not easy for her and he didn’t mean to do this, he just didn’t understand how she still felt this way after everything, after seeing him like this.. </p><p>“Even if I’m no good with people.. I understand your feelings towards yourself. I know it’s different but,.. I’ve felt like that too. Like I’m not.. worth as much as others. Like I’m broken.” She said quietly. At that, Hordak’s hackles rose instinctively and he couldn’t just bite his tongue.</p><p>“You-!!” He started, snarling, but Entrapta silenced him with her hair flicking across his mouth again with a small smile, looking to the side as her eyes became half-lidded.  </p><p>“You never thought that I was.” She said wistfully, flushing just slightly, before swallowing and meeting his gaze determinedly. “That’s why I know.” She settled on firmly. She held his face with her hair even more securely and leaned closer to him. Hordak could see the reflection of his orange-colored lenses in her eyes.</p><p>“..Hordak, you are so much more than just the sum of your choices... You mean so much to me, you don’t realize it, but.. I wish you could see yourself the way I do..” Entrapta spoke quietly, but with a true, deep sincerity behind her words that rocked Hordak’s core. To his alarm, her eyes were starting to become shiny with moisture. He shook his head slightly in her grasp, anguished. No, not for him, he didn’t deserve her crying for him.</p><p>“<i>Entrapta,</i>” He breathed. “do not-, I’m not wort-“ He started to say, admittedly panicking because he would not be able to stand seeing her cry. Being the cause of her tears. She cut him off immediately. </p><p>“But you are!” She cried, closing her eyes and bringing her face closer to his. “You are worth it. Hordak, you are so important,.. and strong, and absolutely worthy.” She leaned her forehead softly against his and Hordak’s eyes widened as he broke into a full-body shudder at the contact.  “..And I’m going to do everything I can to make you believe it too, because it’s true.” She said quietly, but firmly, tears filling her eyes. </p><p>Hordak let out a shaky, almost devastated breath, closing his eyes because she was so close and so overwhelming in her statements and her touch. He was collapsing inward, but Entrapta must have thought that he still looked unconvinced as she kept speaking, eyes closed and forehead pressed to his.</p><p>“If you don’t believe me, I know you like hearing the facts. Well, fact: from the moment we started working together, you were the first person who made me feel like I wasn’t.. different, for being who I am. Fact: I feel more relaxed when I’m around you then when I’m with any other organic being. Fact: I already told you that you understand me more than anyone else, when most people don’t even try. You make me feel like it’s okay to be me, and that I’m not just a ‘weirdo’, or ‘freak’, or ‘geek princess’-“</p><p>“They are fools!” Hordak growled out, head still pressed against hers, unable to hold it in. It was like a trigger for him when she inferred something negative about herself; especially if it was something she had been told by those who were inferior.. He could not stand any of these Etherians insinuating that Entrapta was worth less than they were, when Hordak knew very well how incredibly priceless Entrapta was. Entrapta turned more pink, but only smiled calmly at his outburst.</p><p>“..And if they are, why wouldn’t I want to care for the person who’s not?” </p><p>Hordak felt his breath catch in his throat as his ears dropped and his mouth went dry. All this time, while he had acknowledged that Entrapta held some sort of attachment and even affection for him, for the first time he allowed her words to truly sink in. She cared for him and she genuinely thought that he deserved to be cared for. That he was worthy. Despite the weakness she’s witnessed, despite his flaws..</p><p>Hordak didn’t know what he could have done to deserve this, but for a moment he embraced it and felt absolutely overcome by the thought.</p><p>“..Entrapta..” He let out, voice cracking, physically unable to continue as he felt his throat swell and his eyes burn. Oh no. He hadn’t cried since she left him. He was suddenly filled with shame for once again making her an audience to his weakness. He grit his teeth, closing his eyes tightly and tried to turn his head away, to curl in on himself. He didn’t want her to see anymore..</p><p>The hair holding his face was replaced by firm pressure and warmth and to Hordak’s surprise, he realized that Entrapta was holding his face with her gloved hands now, rather than her hair. He gasped and opened his eyes in surprise, tears falling down his face without his approval. He felt himself trembling all over. She was everything and he mattered to her. No approval from Prime had ever come close to this feeling. His next breath sounded more like a sob and his ears burned.</p><p>“.. Do you believe me now?” She said softly, holding their foreheads together. Her small hands cradled his face gently, catching his tears. She truly cared about him. No one had ever cared about him before. He could only shudder and focus on the heat of her head against his as he felt the foundations of the defenses he held so near crumble. </p><p>“..It’s okay, Hordak.. I’m not going anywhere..” She soothed. </p><p>That made the feelings intensify somehow. He felt overjoyed and wrecked all at once. Why was he becoming so emotional? He wanted both to smack himself out of it, and to curl into a ball and break down in a heap all at once. He couldn’t breathe without the air hitching in his throat.  He felt a distressed and desperate trilling sound emerge from the depths of his throat. She was <i>breaking</i> him..</p><p>Hordak felt her hair wrap around his chest and arms that were stiff and holding shaking, clenched hands at his sides. He felt a tug on his arms, not moving or directing him just yet, only guiding, as if she were questioning whether he wanted a hug, but he was to make the final call.  He tried to breathe deeply through the thick emotions welling in his throat. He did want to hold her again.</p><p>He broke and lifted his arms, still hesitant and slow as he let them fall around her, holding her back and shoulders delicately. He felt her sigh, pleased, and Hordak felt hot again like someone had lit his chest on fire. He loved this small Etherian with everything in him. He let out another deep, tremoring breath as she ran her thumbs over his cheeks. Hordak melted at the soft caress, ears lowering further, and he leaned into it without meaning to. He would be about as useful as putty at her feet soon. </p><p>They sat like that for a while; holding onto each other until the tears subsided and Hordak could breathe more normally. She was still allowing him to hold her and it felt like the only thing keeping Hordak afloat. He felt drained, but filled with life with her so close to him. The fire in his chest blazed proudly; an inferno the likes of which his heart had never seen.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>..I may have gotten emotional with this one.  I'm trying very much to address some previous trauma and I felt it was so important to get this through Hordak's thick skull..</p><p>Please continue to let me know your thoughts, your comments make my days!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Feels Like Home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>We catch up with the rest of the princesses briefly. It’s also time to come to terms with some feelings.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>“..Do you think we should check on them?” </p><p>Everyone paused. It was about time for the princesses to head back to their respective kingdoms. After lunch, they had dispersed to pack up their things. They had all re-grouped afterwards, minus one scientist princess and her companion, for one last group camaraderie before most of them left to try to restore order to their homes. </p><p>The princesses, Catra, Bow, and Melog gathered together in the sun on a grassy field by the cliffs. Catra leaned against both Adora and Melog, petting the large cat’s tail rhythmically. Perfuma sat next to Frosta and Scorpia, teaching them how to braid flower stems even if it was difficult to manage with the latter’s pincers. Sea Hawk lay most contentedly in Mermista’s lap after initially nearly begging for attention and with false annoyance, she allowed him close before running fingers through his hair, nearly melting the pirate onto the floor. Bow and Glimmer sat next to each other, Bow strumming miscellaneous notes on his guitar. Netossa leaned against Spinnerella reading a book. It was peaceful, the weather was warm, and finally all was still. </p><p>Glimmer had been the one to speak and break the calm, feeling an obligation to maintain awareness of all of her friends at any given time, to the point where it was starting to feel strenuous making sure everyone around her was safe. She wondered if this was part of her retribution and if she’d ever stop feeling so much guilt for what had happened. </p><p>Everyone in the group seemed to intuitively know who Glimmer was referring to and the awkward silence stretched further. By that time, it had been hours since Entrapta led Hordak off in the direction of the ship to explore Darla and they hadn’t heard anything from the technological princess since. </p><p>“…She said she was going to take him back to Dryl with her. ..I just don’t like it..” She continued reluctantly. She was conflicted about her role as a leader in this situation; feeling like one of their own was in danger, but at the same time feeling like she should respect her wishes..</p><p>Different members of the group exchanged glances, reluctant to start speaking about this. Speaking of the Horde or Hordak and everything involved seemed to dull the mood considerably.</p><p>“…They seem to.. care about each other..” Perfuma spoke up, everyone turned to her and she kept her gaze down on the flowers she was weaving together. She paused and flushed knowing everyone’s attention was on her..</p><p>“..I.. saw them together yesterday, after everything,..” She looked to the side, fiddling with the flower stems, almost like she was considering whether or not to continue speaking. “They were holding each other. ..It seemed.. tender..” She still didn’t look up at the rest of the group.</p><p>“They are at least, I think,.. good friends..” She trailed off hesitantly. </p><p>“..Or more.” Netossa threw out casually, still looking at her book. Catra and Mermista both groaned as others threw more shocked glances her way. The net-throwing princess just shrugged and placed her book down.</p><p>“Look, I just call it like I see it. She’s been nearly dragging him around by the wrist everywhere she goes and he seemed perfectly content with that. For a big, bad villain, he was practically holding hands with her earlier. And all the things he said defending her, was I the only one in that courtyard?” She said raising her eyebrows and gesturing with her hand. “I didn’t say it wasn’t weird, but they've been completely attached at the hip since everything went down.” </p><p>“Oh, that’s not just a recent thing, that’s being going on since the Fright Zone-” Scorpia started to say easily before she looked up and realized how everyone was now staring at her and the implications of what she had said. Suddenly everyone seemed very invested in what Scorpia was going to say and she cleared her throat anxiously.</p><p>“..What, uh.. what exactly <i>did</i> happen in the Fright Zone?” Spinnerella inquired skeptically. The group turned to look at both Scorpia and Catra intently who both flushed and looked away at the odd source of attention.</p><p>Scorpia held her claws up and waved them nervously. “I-I mean, nothing <i>big</i>.. After Entrapta snuck into his lab, they just.. started working together. Then they were just.. always together. In the lab – the Sanctum. They were friends! They seemed to really like working together. They talked about a lot of science stuff that I couldn’t begin to understand..” She trailed off, thinking. </p><p>“..He listened to her ideas and Entrapta… really liked that. I mean, she could get away with things the other cadets couldn’t dream of..” She explained as she scratched her head with a claw, blushing slightly. “Do you really think they were-“</p><p>“So he knows science.” Mermista spoke up begrudgingly. “The last time they worked together, they just caused destruction. I just don’t trust it, either. What if he’s using the same method to get her to work for him this time around? Despite what he says,.. how do we know he’s not lying?” She was met with silence for a few moments.</p><p> “..I don’t think Hordak ever made her do anything.” Bow spoke up now. “Entrapta loves robots and science, but she’s not completely naïve.. And it wouldn’t be easy to force her to do something she didn’t want to do..” Everyone seemed to contemplate that. Many of them had personally witnessed how difficult it could be to get Entrapta to do something she was not interested in. </p><p>“It seemed like he just.. gave her access to tech and a little bit of encouragement, and then let her do what she wanted..” Bow continued with an empty hand gesture.</p><p>“Are we really going to try to justify her relationship with the enemy?” Mermista accused hotly. Spinnerella then cut in.</p><p>“Regardless of what we think, Entrapta is an adult, isn’t she? She should be able to make her own decisions..” The older princess said tentatively. </p><p>“We already had the trial. We’ve deemed multiple people, including Hordak, essentially ‘no longer enemies’. Even if those two are a bit.. unconventional,.. is Entrapta’s romantic life really any of our business?” Spinnerella concluded, looking at the rest of the crowd.</p><p>“..But it is, isn’t it?” Glimmer interjected. “What if this is all an act - another scheme? What if he hurts her??” She said worriedly, getting a bit desperate. She felt a call to action even though she had no idea what to do. </p><p>“Uuggh, he <i>won’t!</i>” Catra grumbled, rubbing her brows with the fingers of both hands. Everyone turned to look at her for an explanation while she sunk further into Melog. She groaned again, knowing she would have to continue speaking when she was already so over this topic. </p><p>“..He won’t hurt her. He.. <i>cares</i>  about her. Is everybody blind? Does no one else see the way he looks at her and that crystal?? How she looks at him when they’re talking about science?? How she’s always touching him and he doesn’t care? Their googly eyes made me want to vomit in the Fright Zone. You should have seen the way Hordak acted when he thought Entrapta betrayed him..  I may as well have stolen his empire. Please don’t make me think about this anymore..!” She groaned frantically, leaning back into the big cat. </p><p>“..He does always carry around that crystal..” Bow said thoughtfully, rubbing his chin.</p><p>“That crystal that <i>you</i>  won’t tell us what it says..” Glimmer said, directed at Adora, who had been shockingly quiet and unassuming during this entire conversation. Adora turned red and looked to the side, shrinking down slightly.</p><p>“..It’s, uh, not my place to tell. And I don’t think it’s our place to judge, no matter how.. unconventional. Entrapta can make her own choices. But if you’re worried.. they definitely <i>do</i> care about each other.” Adora felt like she was in a strangely private perspective. She knew what the crystal said, she’d spoken to Entrapta privately, and she had also been in Hordak’s mind. She hadn’t been there for long, but while she was there she received some memories, yes, but also some.. flashes of genuine feeling. She hadn’t read his mind and she didn’t know any of his thoughts or anything like that, but she knew some things about him that she hadn’t before. </p><p>“..And I don’t think he’d hurt her either.” Adora said resolutely. Everyone considered this, looking around, breaking off into their own thoughts.</p><p>“...He saved her, didn’t he? Even though he was brainwashed? Betrayed Prime because of her? That’s essentially what Entrapta said..” Frosta’s young voice spoke up and the rest turned to look because they weren’t expecting her contribution. She looked back down and continued to weave flower stems in the way Perfuma had just taught her while continuing to speak.</p><p>“..Entrapta said that Hordak understands her, even when <i>we</i> don’t a lot of the time. He listens to her, he doesn’t have to restrain her to hold her attention,” A few princesses in question looked away guiltily. “and we saw him defend her after the trial and at the lunch table.. He even smiled at her! ..I think that means he likes her. And if that’s true, then that means that she’s already changed him.” She said simply while the others stared in her direction, some skeptical, but entranced as they took this in. </p><p>“..Hordak doesn’t seem the same as he used to be, right? I mean, he was talking to us while sitting at a picnic table. So maybe without Prime, and with her, he’s not really the same ‘bad’ Hordak he was before. Maybe this one is different. We gave the rest of the Horde another chance, isn’t it only fair that he gets one too? Plus,.. Entrapta seems a lot happier now. They both do..” Frosta finished with a shrug. She spoke with wisdom that was older than she was and the others all looked at each other, reasoned into silence. A few of them broke into impressed, knowing smiles while others sighed reluctantly, sounding resigned. </p><p>A loud sniff rang out and the group turned to look at Sea Hawk, who, to Mermista’s horror was crying rivers onto her lap. </p><p>“..That was <i>beautiful</i>!!” He cried, curling into Mermista, tears streaming down his face. He suddenly sprung up with a bizarre amount of energy that he seemed to always have a stash of. “Everyone deserves love! Love is the answer to all of life’s questions, my dear!! We should not waste a single, precious moment!!” He exclaimed, launching himself at Mermista, arms wide, as she held an arm out, holding his face a distance away from hers stoically as he struggled to get closer. The rest of them either laughed or rolled their eyes at the enthusiastic display, but no one dared say that he was wrong.</p><p> </p><p>---------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p> </p><p>Hordak leaned his weary head against his small companion’s, still trying desperately to compose and center himself. Clones were not usually forced to come face to face with their own inner demons. Nor made to experience the breadth of emotions that he had just faced. His face was wet, but he couldn’t bring himself to wipe it dry just yet. His arms were still around her and her hair was still holding him. His breaths had only just stopped coming in shudders and he felt Entrapta’s breath, her hands still on his face. He only opened his eyes when he noticed Entrapta fidgeting slightly under his grip.</p><p>“..Hordak, can I ask you a question?” Entrapta spoke very quietly. Shyness was unusual for her so he pulled back to look at her entirely, her hands sliding off of his face as he did. She still stayed just within the circle of his arms and he kept his touch light. </p><p>Hordak blinked at her in question, she had his full attention, but speaking and language seemed distant from him in this moment. Entrapta looked down as two ends of her hair came together and danced around each other. “I’m nervous about something..” She said, pushing her own forefingers together.</p><p>Hordak glanced her over, her dampened demeanor triggering concern in him. She had wrapped a loop of hair around his wrist again and he felt it’s grip tighten with her anxiety. Hordak was starting to worry, before she then used her hair to move his right hand from her side and into her lap, keeping her gaze focused on this. Hordak could only watch as she grasped his larger hand into both of hers experimentally, gently manipulating his digits with her gloved ones. She still seemed anxious and she avoided looking directly at his face. He kept his hand limp during her exploration - despite her nervous energy, something about her touching him willingly, so gingerly, with her small digits was incredibly tender, and Hordak felt warm feeling wash over him. He didn’t doubt once again that he’d let her do whatever she wanted.</p><p>“…Have you ever thought of me as a potential partner in the context of a romantic relationship?” Enrapta asked bluntly. </p><p>Hordak nearly choked. </p><p>He was certain that something like a whimper left his throat along with the rest of the air in his lungs in his surprise as he was trying to close off his cursed mouth. Hordak couldn’t stop his eyes from widening exponentially as he looked at her, taken aback. He felt his hair standing on end. Did she know how he felt? How did she know? </p><p>Entrapta, to her credit, was still looking down at their hands, his in hers, manipulating delicately. Hordak’s mind tried to convolute the words and his heart just fluttered uselessly as she continued. He saw her round face becoming redder, but she sighed before continuing to talk, filling the space with words. Almost like she didn’t want to hear his answer yet. She often did this when she was nervous.</p><p>“..This has never happened to me before. I’ve never really had a true desire for touch..” She explained shyly as she ran her gloved thumbs over the textured skin of his palms. “I’ve never wanted to touch and be touched so.. much before, and I only want it with you.” She said quietly before quickly continuing before Hordak could respond. His touch? Respond, how could he possibly respond to that?</p><p>“I- I meant it when I said I’ve enjoyed our.. close interactions these past two days..” This time she paused and looked up at him, looking analytical, but conflicted. She quickly looked back to their hands. Hordak’s ears lowered as his insides seemed to take up gymnastics. He was doing his best to keep a straight face, but he gazed at her in bewilderment. </p><p>“..I’ve analyzed it over and over again - the strange way I feel.  I came to the conclusion that I’ve never cared about any living being the way I care about you, Hordak.” Entrapta uttered delicately. Hordak’s mouth dropped open. “..And it’s scary,.. to be dependent on an organic being that I can’t just repair..” </p><p>Hordak quivered and his heart felt like it was in his throat. Words were still so very distant from him. He questioned his own sanity. What was happening? Would he awaken from this dream? He could only listen to her and try to breathe as it felt like he was being thoroughly unraveled for a second time today. </p><p>Entrapta was still toying with his hand, now appearing to test the texture of his palms against the texture of his fingertips, even if she couldn’t possibly feel it, running the sharpness of the tips of his claws smoothly against her protective gloves. He could almost see her taking notes in the back of her mind. The touch was soothing and electrifying in contrast to the discordant orchestra in Hordak’s head.</p><p>“...Do you want to know what the crystal says?” She asked faintly. Hordak’s breath stuttered in his chest. This felt critical and he could barely think as it is, just the gentle touches to his hand were enough to melt him, sending shivers up his arm and down his spine. He nodded when he could do nothing else. How was he supposed to speak? </p><p>She seemed to pick up on it and she answered simply, “It says ‘L, U, V, D’,” she spelled out. “loved’.“</p><p>As realization dawned on him, he gasped. He felt himself tense up, drawing himself straighter, and something inside him seemed to snap in two. His stomach dropped as the word clicked into place in his mind. </p><p>Oh <i>no</i>.</p><p>Hordak closed his hand around both of hers almost without meaning to; he just needed something to hold on to. It wasn’t possible. Not him. This didn’t make any sense - he’s had that First One’s crystal on him since their time in the Sanctum, now a lengthy period of time ago. Does that mean.. even then? How- why would she-</p><p>“..Why??” Hordak croaked out. It couldn’t be, he didn’t deserve it, he wasn’t worthy, he was nothing, he was- Now Entrapta looked directly at him, her face flushed and her magenta eyes fragile, but achingly sincere.</p><p>“..Based on the data I've collected,.. I think I love you, Hordak.” </p><p>His ears fell flat against his head and he felt his eyes become wider than they ever had. He felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. How was this possible? The pool of sharp, negative thoughts in his mind was so difficult to ignore, casting doubt and shearing wounds in his hope.  He recoiled slightly, hunching over, but she continued to hold his hand.</p><p>“..B-but I’m..” He shook his head; he could barely force the words out. He was so overwhelmed with emotions he didn’t know how to cope with. Hordak tried to will his voice to cooperate and for his trembling to cease.</p><p>“..I am not.. worthy. You deserve so mu-“ He rasped out before she cut him off with her hair brushing against his mouth again, just like she had in the Sanctum. She rose up further on her hair so she could be closer to him. </p><p>“You are worthy to me.” Entrapta said quietly, but sternly. Her shyness seemed to dissipate when she felt she had something to prove to him, but the tenderness in her gaze was indisputable. “And I’m capable of deciding what I deserve. You don’t have to feel the same-“ She said before she was cut off by a completely involuntary, contrary noise escaping Hordak’s throat. Halfway between a strangled grunt and a noise of exasperation, Hordak’s face flushed even further. </p><p>She was looking directly at his face, into his eyes, studying his reaction. He lowered his head in a subconscious effort to make himself smaller. Her gaze was so powerful.</p><p>“..Entrapta..” Hordak said desperately. It was so challenging just to speak, even harder to unearth these forbidden, buried thoughts. A light broke through the dark clouds in his head as he took in her gaze and her words. Like a bolt of electricity, something akin to rapture filled him. She loved him. He didn’t understand it, but now he couldn’t stop the flood of jovial emotion bubbling over from within his chest. </p><p>However, rather than words emerging from his throat as expected, Hordak felt a different, contented trill emanate from deep within chest. A steady and rhythmic sound and vibration made itself known in the air and he stiffened because this noise had never happened to him before. It stuttered slightly as Entrapta gasped, eyes widening. She stared at his chest – the source of the sound - in wonderment.</p><p>“..<i>Hordak,</i>.. are those <i>positive</i> vocalizations?” She whispered tentatively. Hordak felt his face heat for the hundredth time and he felt weak. He closed his eyes in embarrassment and stiffly nodded his head. She let out a sound of pure joy and it somehow made his unconscious vocalizations grow louder. </p><p>“That is so fascinating! It sounds like you’re purring!” She said excitedly, near bursting with awe, but still somehow whispering, like she didn’t want to disturb the moment. Hordak was dazed, but he shared a similar sentiment. She lifted a hand slowly and held it over his chest, where the sound appeared to be coming from. Her other hand continued holding his hand in her lap.</p><p>“..Can I feel?” Entrapta asked quietly, keeping her hand hovering right over him, waiting on his consent. Hordak finally opened his eyes again to look at her, knowing his ears had turned blue in embarrassment, but wanting to stop at nothing to make her happy. He ignored the thought in his head that asked why she would want to touch him, and he nodded again, unable to trust his voice and grunting in a confirmatory manner. She slowly laid her gloved hand over the center of his chest. Her face lit up and her mouth opened, and heat spread from her point of contact. Her obvious delight warmed him deeply and Hordak had no regrets. </p><p>“<i>This is amazing..</i>” She whispered with wonder, drawing out the syllables of the last word as she felt the strong physical vibration through Hordak’s chest under her fingertips. </p><p>“Hordak, you’re like a giant kitten, that is so <i>cuute</i>..” She cooed, looking up at his face with a soft smile. Hordak’s ears drooped and his face burned even hotter. That was something he had never been called before. He acknowledged her with a helplessness as she beamed at him. </p><p>A fluttering feeling danced across Hordak’s chest. She was beautiful.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>If you came here for more softness, you're still in the right place. :) </p><p>I'm living for the validation you are all providing me. Thank you all so much for your continued support and patience, and your enthusiastic comments. I'm very humbled and happy to have provided some much-needed softness to your days. We all need it these days. </p><p>Thanks for reading and be well.</p><p>PS - this story now has a soundtrack. So if you've ever wondered what I listen to when I'm writing this, or are in need of more soft, sappy music in your life (and where I get a few of my chapter titles), please enjoy - https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1pDl4xje4ubmR7Pt5JFx8S)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Something Fragile, Something New</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Boundaries, trust, and contact are explored now more than ever.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The vibrations continued as Hordak tried to work up the courage to speak. He took a few deep breaths to try to will himself the nerve. He felt her hair gently touch the side of his face again and he realized that he had closed his eyes, focused solely on the points of contact between them – her hand on his chest and his hand in hers. Entrapta looked up at him with a coy gaze.</p><p>“..Can you tell me what you’re feeling?” She asked timidly. Hordak’s gaze softened. He would do anything for her. He would move mountains, she need only ask. </p><p>The longer these moments lasted, the more Hordak believed that this could be real. Was he not dreaming? It was too remarkable to be true. Just for once, he wanted to let himself feel this. He wanted so badly. More than he ever had in his life.</p><p>“..Entrapta, you.. are extraordinary..” He forced out lowly, and he watched as her eyes grew wider. She looked up at him and the brilliance of the color of her irises was too much for him. He kept his head down and closed his eyes, he couldn’t possibly look at her while he said this. “I’ve never.. I am a clone,.. I’m not supposed to.. feel..” He took a weak breath. He was only capable of complete and utter honesty around her. The weight of his truth was too heavy within him. He felt the dam break and the waters of feeling filled his lungs. He felt like he was drowning.</p><p>Hordak bowed his head in front of her, like he was giving himself to her to do with what she would. To hurt him or hold him. To break him or free him. Entrapta only hesitated briefly before lifting herself up a bit further and using a limb of hair to gently guide his head to her shoulder. Hordak could feel her tremoring under his own anxious shaking as his forehead rested more against the slope of her neck as she lifted her arm to touch him. Her hand tentatively touched the back of his head to hold him and Hordak let out an involuntary whimper. </p><p>She froze and Hordak’s trembling intensified as he curled further inward, unintentionally pushing further into her. Her hand was close to his neck port. Hordak suddenly felt so open and vulnerable here that he absurdly thought that he could cry again. Entrapta seemed to understand something was amiss. </p><p>“..Is this okay?” She asked quietly. Hordak took a few breaths, focusing on the warmth radiating from where he made contact with her. He’d never been touched so much in his life and it was little overwhelming, but it felt so good.</p><p>“..My neck port.” Hordak croaked. “..Please don’t.. touch this..” </p><p>Entrapta hummed in approval, moving her hand further up the back of his head to where his hair began, almost like she was rewarding him for voicing his thoughts. Hordak shuddered, but did not move away. He would submit to her and her will. He wanted to be hers, even if he didn’t know how.</p><p>“..Are there other places I should avoid?” Entrapta asked softly. She was being considerate and kind to him and Hordak welled with feeling. He shook his head and she just held him. She seemed to understand that he was becoming slightly overwhelmed. She spoke again.</p><p>“..I know you have trouble articulating what you’re feeling sometimes, like I do, and you don’t have to-“</p><p>“..You are.. precious to me.” Hordak breathed out reverently. He felt and heard her gasp softly and he reluctantly forced himself to lift his head from her embrace, looking up to see her looking at him with surprise. Almost like she didn’t believe him. That would not do.</p><p>“Hordak..” She said.</p><p>“You are everything.” He said quietly, almost resigned, curling his hand around the one that was holding his. He desperately willed her to understand. His thoughts may not be worth much, but it was so crucial that she knew.</p><p>“Oh..” Entrapta let out softly. Her eyes had a sheen to them, much like he felt his own did. </p><p>Entrapta then emit a strangled, squealing noise of exhilaration before pushing herself up so that her forehead was touching his again. Her eyes were now closed, but a large smile filled her face. Hordak felt her trembling against him as well. </p><p>“I’m so glad..” She said joyously, softly. She squeezed his hand with both of hers.</p><p>Hordak closed his eyes, and while it felt like a monsoon had completely destroyed him and he was still drowning in the aftermath of this emotion, Entrapta was right there helping him stay afloat. And she loved him. He felt his eyes burn again. He would die for her. </p><p> </p><p>He felt her shift and she was flushed, looking down at their hands again with a dreamy sort of glance. She seemed contemplative before she set his hand in her lap and to his astonishment, she began taking off her gloves. </p><p>Hordak could not look away as she revealed her small, scarred hands, tossing the gloves to the side. She rubbed her hands together gingerly.</p><p>“..My hands are sensitive, which is the other reason I wear gloves all the time. But soft touch is usually okay.” Entrapta explained as she carefully lifted his hand again with her bare hands and began studying it again, this time without gloves. Hordak watched, entranced. As if the euphoria he was already feeling wasn’t surreal enough.</p><p>Her hands looked infinitely smaller holding his own, and they were warm. He kept his hand still as she ran her fingers along his knuckles, tendons, and the texturally sturdier pad of his broad palm. Tracing down his long fingers, flexing their joints, coming to sensitive fingertips. Despite the strength that he knew lived in her nimble digits, her touch was light and gentle, and it sent silent shivers deep through him, radiating up his arm. Her motions were hypnotizing and he realized he was subconsciously vocalizing again. He only even noticed because Entrapta had smiled even more widely while still staring down at his hand.</p><p>Hordak was so content here in this moment, he couldn’t even bring himself to care. He could fall asleep here in her comfort and all would be well.</p><p>Her unprotected fingers came to his claws, feeling down the backs of them, and he became very conscious of his sharp edges again. </p><p>“..Careful,..they are sharp..” Hordak warned quietly, aware now of the rumbling quality of his voice gained when he spoke while vocalizing at the same time. He did not truly want to disturb her exploration, her touch was incredibly soothing and it left a pleasant sensation in its wake.</p><p>“..I like your claws.” Entrapta said simply, still lightly flushed, Hordak could see the color in her face. Her small, strong digits testing his finger pads and running firmly along the outer curve of his claws.  “They’re fascinating.”</p><p>Hordak’s ears flicked at the statement. It was ludicrous, but he felt a burst of pride from the fact that she liked something about him.</p><p>Entrapta pressed on a fingerpad which extended the visible length of his attached claw by about 1.5 centimeters. This seemed to excite her as she drew in a quick breath through her nose, pressing different fingertips and witnessing the same reaction.</p><p>“They’re partially retractable! That’s even more fascinating! Can you extend them consciously??” She asked brightly, looking up at him.  </p><p>Hordak agreed to show her almost automatically. He slowly lifted the hand she wasn’t clinging to, keeping a safe distance from her, as he flexed his digits, manually extending his claws. Entrapta watched in awe, ‘ooh-ing’ as she clenched her fists excitedly. She then looked him up and down, still grasping his other hand. </p><p>“Everything about you is interesting. There’s so much to explore..” She said, looking back down to his hand. </p><p>Hordak felt himself blushing while a contented shiver drifted down his spine. While he was not entirely sure how to feel about that very broad statement, there was something about her being excited about something about him that was insatiably pleasant.</p><p>Her fingers then trailed down the back of his hand, up to the more coarse skin of his wrist, hidden partially under the material of the sweater, where his scars began. Hordak actively shivered and fought the instinctive urge to pull away and cover himself back up. Entrapta noticed and paused.</p><p>“You never actually told me if you like being touched..?” She glanced up at him, questioningly. Hordak could tell that she was concerned that she had overstepped a boundary. He looked to the side and let out a small breath through his nose.</p><p>“..Only when it’s you.” He answered weakly.</p><p>Entrapta’s smile lit up her face and Hordak could have sworn he felt his heart stutter. Entrapta seemed to subconsciously lean closer to him, even if they were already so close.  Her exploration lingered at his wrist and  Hordak was forced to contemplate the increased sensitivity of his inner wrists as she brushed across with a timid touch.</p><p>“..Is this alright?” Entrapta inquired, looking up at his face again with some concern. </p><p>“You’d tell me if I were making you uncomfortable, wouldn’t you? Do you find this enjoyable too?” Hordak looked at her, words had always seemed far away from him and yet now, with her, they seemed closer than ever. He wasn’t sure how that feeling was possible. He answered her questions quietly in the order they were asked.</p><p>“..This is acceptable. You are not causing me discomfort currently. I can.. inform you if you do. I find this.. quite enjoyable.” Hordak listed pragmatically. He couldn’t quite keep his eyes on her the whole time. It felt so strange to be so open about what he was feeling with her. After telling her everything he did before, exposing himself in a way he’d never thought he would ever dare, what did he have to lose now? He only knew how to be honest and if she asked, she would receive.</p><p>Entrapta took in his words thoughtfully with a warm look. She looked down before looking back up at him.</p><p>“Good. I.. don’t ever want to make you uncomfortable. That’s why you’ll have to tell me. ..I tend to.. drive others away. I don’t want to do that with you. I don’t want to ever say or do anything to make you leave..” She revealed softly. Hordak could only listen intently and tilt his head slightly when he finished. How could he possibly ever want to leave?</p><p>“You need not be concerned. There is nothing that you can do that would make me want to leave.” Hordak stated seriously. </p><p>Entrapta looked up at him with a slightly glazed expression. She was quiet for a bit before her face reddened and she looked down.</p><p>“..Sometimes I forget just how.. honest, you are..” She said shyly. She started to trail her fingers up his arm again. “.. I don’t think you realize how.. traditionally ‘romantic’ some of the things you say can be..” </p><p>Hordak’s ears flicked self-consciously. He had not intentionally meant... He was only being truthful..</p><p>As her fingers moved upwards, lifting his sleeve, they grazed the juncture beginning the split in his bones. Hordak tried to suppress a shiver as she touched the inner curve of the gap. Here, he knew there was increased sensitivity because Prime had known there was increased sensitivity. He’d been reprimanded by his brother gripping these bones before. He knew how painful it could be. </p><p>Hordak believed that at some point in time, after allowing him to live despite his imperfections, Prime became amused with his defects and his own ability to harm Hordak much more easily than his brethren. He had taken advantage of that fact on many occasions. Prime was a perfectionist, and Hordak embodied everything that he despised. </p><p>Hordak remembered when his hair started to turn blue in the advanced stages of his mutation when he was already displaying significant fatigue and weakness compared to his brothers. He only knew of the physical change because Prime noticed, and nearly ripped the offensively colored strands out of his head himself. Hordak remembered being the source and the brunt of Prime’s rage at his defection. And for anything else that would set off his fire-hot temper. He could become so angry..</p><p>Entrapta’s touch was still so soft, skin on skin, and such a sharp contrast compared to what he was accustomed to.</p><p>Entrapta traced the haphazard lines of blue that trailed up from his wrist, knowing she must have felt the difference in texture between the two shades. The look of concentration and fascination on Entrapta’s face never changed, but Hordak felt undeniably self-conscious. He remembered the stares he received when his brothers found out about his physical defects. Prime’s disgust. The way the Etherians looked at him. Like he was a failed experiment. An abomination. He forced words out. </p><p>“..You.. truly do not.. find it repulsive?” Hordak asked quietly, staring down at his own scarred skin.</p><p>Entrapta paused and looked up at him again, brow furrowed. </p><p>“Of course not. Hordak,..” She then gripped his hand and wrist gently, but firmly. “..You know I would never lie to you, right? Remember what I told you in the Fright Zone? About your imperfections?” </p><p>Hordak looked at her, ears tilted, and allowed his head to fall in a short nod. Entrapta’s eyes flicked around his face for a moment in thought, before letting out a breath.</p><p>“..Can I show you something?” She asked in a softer tone. Hordak’s ears turned upwards and he tilted his head slightly, still acknowledging her. </p><p>She settled his hand down in her lap before untucking and lifting up the left edge of her white shirt. Hordak startled slightly as this was not what he had expected. His mouth parted as she revealed skin. </p><p>She turned to reveal her left side and back, which from her mid-back to her left hip bore a large area of scarring, as big as Hordak’s hand, that trailed slightly onto her left side. They looked like healed burns. </p><p>Hordak felt slightly faint with the thought that she had been so injured, and then raw anger at the thought that someone had hurt her. He took a breath, about to ask who had done this before she spoke.</p><p>“..I was fourteen. Maybe a bit more.. reckless than I am now.. An experiment caught on fire. Then I caught on fire. The decreased mobility during the healing was the worst part. I still get stiff on that side if I don’t stretch.” She lowered her shirt, looking down and fidgeting with her hands. </p><p>“..When I was younger, I was, er,.. self-conscious about it, I guess. I kept it covered up. Not that I was around others very often anyway.. I already felt disconnected from other Etherians, and their aesthetic guidelines always seemed unreachable to me. I never enjoyed being the center of people’s attention anyway. But when I got older, I realized how silly it was to be ashamed of it. It’s just a part of me, after all. A record of my previous experiments, just like my other scars..” She trailed off before looking up at him.</p><p>“..Do you find me repulsive?” She asked quietly.</p><p>“Never-!“ Hordak exclaimed before she continued.</p><p>“Then that’s how I feel about you. I meant it when I said your imperfections were beautiful.”  She said earnestly, large, persuasive eyes looking into his.</p><p>Hordak glanced at Entrapta and the way she still seemed slightly unsettled by what she just revealed to him. As he looked over her, finding her fidgeting, he realized that even despite what she had claimed, this scarring appeared to be a source of insecurity for her. Entrapta showing him this part of herself was once again no small gesture. This was so much trust that she placed in him..</p><p>“Yours are as well.” Hordak said softly, looking to the side before hesitantly looking back at her. “Your.. imperfections.” This made Entrapta flush and rub her hands together bashfully, but she was smiling as her face reddened. </p><p>She placed her hand in his again, tentatively, and his own larger hand almost instinctively closed around it gently. Upon looking down, he then noticed a scar in a familiar place on her right hand. The slim line spanned over her first two knuckles. The injury she received in the Sanctum. Intrigued, he ran his thumb very softly over the scar reverently.</p><p>“..Does this still burden you..?” Hordak asked lowly, still studying the old wound. Entrapta only hesitated momentarily before a look of understanding crossed her features.</p><p>“Oh, you were there for that one. Nope! It’s all healed, no lasting effects..” She said brightly, trailing off when Hordak, feeling slightly bolder, delicately took her hand in his</p><p>“..May I?” He inquired, voice quiet as if he were afraid of disturbing the peace of the moment. </p><p>“Mmhm.” She hummed, her face turning a shade of pink as she nodded. </p><p>Like he was handling glass, Hordak very gently explored the soft skin and smooth scars of her hands, being abundantly cautious with his claws. There was a deceptive strength in these small, calloused hands, Hordak knew. These hands built machinery and robots, carried blowtorches, and wielded wrenches. And yet, they seemed so delicate. His own looked too big in comparison. He grazed his fingertips over her smooth, blunt nails, knowing these were not weapons, not partially retractable as his own were. No true, natural defenses built into these humanoid Etherians, which left them oddly vulnerable. </p><p>He traced over her metacarpal bones and knuckles, and came back to the same scar on her knuckles again and felt the bizarre urge to press his lips to it. He didn’t know how to begin to ask to do that, so he didn’t.</p><p>Entrapta then took both of his hands and laced their fingers together gingerly. They both looked from their interlocked hands to each other’s face, both flushed. Entrapta smiled at him and Hordak could not believe his heart was still resilient enough to continue to thud against his ribs.</p><p>“I like this. Your hands feel nice.” She said contentedly, nearly sighing </p><p> Hordak could feel the subsonic vibration of another trill curling in his chest as he breathed in the moment. Entrapta’s hair filled the space around them, filling the air with her scent and touching Hordak’s body cautiously from both sides. Hordak didn’t mind the contact, it was pleasant. He noticed, however, that some of the purple strands still weaved on themselves in a pattern Hordak was not quite familiar with, while their owner still seemed slightly anxious. She looked up at his face in quick glances before looking back down. When she spoke again, her tones were hushed. </p><p>“..Hordak, I’d-, I think I’d like to try.. kissing you. On the mouth this time. As a romantic gesture of affection. ..Would that, possibly, be an experiment you would be.. interested in..?” She asked nervously, twirling her free hand’s fingers in her restless hair. </p><p>Hordak felt his heart rate skyrocket once again. This Etherian was going to give him another syncopal event.. His ears flicked back and he looked at her with a stunned glance. Surprise was almost no longer surprising, as she kept throwing explosives at his defenses; withering them away until only tattered ruins remained standing. He’d been defenseless since the moment she grabbed his arm after Prime was defeated. Helplessness around her seemed more like a state of being than a rare event.</p><p>Hordak wanted to ask why, but he had already received that answer, had he not? He was familiar with the concept of kissing, not because he had any personal experience, aside from Entrapta kissing his cheek earlier, but because he had seen Etherians partake in this affectionate gesture before. He had been on this planet for 20 years, he would have been blind if he had not witnessed this behavior and those equivalent to it between what he suspected were mated pairs and sometimes within familial units. Different species had different rituals. The feline humanoids nuzzled, the canid creatures licked each other, and the humanoid Etherians touched oral cavities.. kissing.</p><p>However, even with this knowledge, there had never been a single moment in which he envisioned himself as a participant in such an activity. It was true enough that he had never believed he was built for companionship. This is certainly not what he was bred for. He never imagined anyone would wish to partake in these.. activities, with him. Yet here Entrapta was.</p><p>Hordak observed her thoughtfully and the way the artificial lights of the ship danced in her eyes. He knew that he was being studied by her as well, monitoring his response - that was her nature. Although it felt like her gaze could see right through him, she still appeared nervous awaiting his reply. As if his consent to this experiment were absolutely crucial. Hordak swallowed with an abruptly very dry throat. It was almost difficult to adjust to the fact that his consent mattered now. Existing under Prime’s thumb for the last few weeks had felt like years re-lived all over again. </p><p>This was intimacy he would be consenting to, something entirely new. Hordak felt his ear twitch as he considered his words. He opened his mouth and nearly stumbled over his own honesty.</p><p>“..I-I have never..” Hordak hesitated. He could only tell the truth, but it occurred to him that this could also be another deficiency of his. Would his lack of experience with this act be seen as another imperfection? </p><p>Before he could consider this much further, Entrapta touched his arm with her free hand. Hordak noted that he was still holding her other hand and there were fine tremors in both of his hands. These did not appear to be coming from her.</p><p>“It’s okay, I haven’t either! I only have a theoretical idea of what to do.” Entrapta looked down at their hands. “Hordak,.. are you nervous?” She asked gently, looking back up at his face. “We don’t have to. It is kind of an.. intimate sort of touching. I’ve enjoyed all other forms of touching with you so far, so it would make for a fascinating experiment, but I only want to if you do too.” Entrapta said reassuringly, rising slightly upon her hair. </p><p>Hordak felt incredibly foolish for feeling this way, but he couldn’t help but to feel uneasy even if this was something he was very curious about. While he found that most of him seemed to want to share this with her, this was new territory for him and nervous anticipation was making his heart thud against his ribs. </p><p>“..I believe I would.. do anything with you..” Hordak mused, stilted, but firmly. Trying to prove it to her because that much was true. The look that came across Entrapta’s face was complex, but it ended with a lopsided smile. She looked away, curling her hands into excited fists before tucking some of her hair behind her ear. </p><p>“Hordak, that makes me.. so happy. ..Almost to an illogical degree, but <i>you</i> have to want it too. We’re partners, right? Equals.” </p><p>Hordak settled his gaze on her small, eager frame. So quick to lay her emotions out for observation, so willing to grace him with honesty and affection. She was so bright and pure, she out-shone the rest of the universe. Entrapta would never force him to do anything. His consent mattered to her. Not for the first time, Hordak silently asked the stars what he could have ever done to deserve a presence such as hers. </p><p>In the end, Hordak’s curiosity and genuine desire for closeness with her won out.</p><p>“..I would like to.” He finally found the courage to speak. Entrapta seemed unable to contain a small squeak of what appeared to be excitement. She rose up a bit further on her hair until they were eye-level, and she was much closer to him. She let go of his left hand to cup the sides of his face and Hordak’s breath stuttered in his throat. </p><p>“..Is this okay?” Entrapta asked quietly.</p><p>“..Yes.” He breathed. She leaned down and tilted her head and their lips were touching. Hordak felt a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding escape him. Her lips were soft.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Some of these moments were planned early on and I'm so excited to finally share them with you. Too much ear twitching and blushing? Me? No, never.. (Plot? What plot..) </p><p>Thank you all again for your comments- I adore reading them. </p><p>  <i>If anyone is confused by the way I describe Hordak's scars - when I first watched the show I thought the intricate, dark blue patterns on Hordak's skin were scarring, not just discoloration, and the head-canon stuck! </i></p>
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<a name="section0015"><h2>15. We Could Be Always</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>
  <i> I still act like an orphan, I guess. My hard heart breaks to confess - that even while you hold me while I cry on the floor, I still don’t know how to be yours.</i>
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          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hordak could feel Entrapta’s lips press flush and move timidly against his own. He didn’t even have the time to feel like he was not reciprocating, he could only be still and absorb the feeling. Her bare hands moved against his face, tracing the lines they found, and Hordak could still hardly believe she was touching him. </p><p>Hordak was unsure what do with his hands, hovering them stunned and shaking just over her sides before Entrapta’s hair, seeming to sense their presence somehow, moved them to her to hold her waist. She shivered under his touch and he was reminded of their size difference as he held her lightly, but securely. There was a static between them and a small sound emerged from one or both of them as they separated, but Entrapta stayed close. She had managed to essentially climb into his lap again. The closeness was almost surreal.</p><p>“..Oooh, I like this a lot.” She said, breathing nearly against his mouth. “Significantly increased sympathetic nervous activity, heightened senses, everything feels more vivid. Hordak, I’ve only ever felt like this when I’ve achieved a breakthrough in one of my experiments! Your eyes are very bright from this angle. I’ve never been this close to anyone before.. Can we try again?” She questioned eagerly.</p><p>Hordak breathed in the heat of her words, mouth slightly parted. He looked upon her eager enthusiasm in awe. She was warm and soft under his hands, and while he kept his touch light, at her inquiry, he tightened his grip. She shuddered under his touch. He thought he heard himself whisper an affirmation, head spinning, but he was honestly too otherwise occupied just looking between her mouth and her eyes. </p><p>“<i>Oh, </i> okay, I also really like how your hands feel.” She said quietly, sounding surprised, almost to herself. Her hair was essentially holding her up and she moved her hands to touch his on her waist. She tentatively trailed up his wrists with both hands before leaning in and capturing his lips with her own again. </p><p>Hordak let out a brief sound of surprise against her mouth before surrendering to the small woman in his arms. She had angled her face more against his this time and pushed a bit more firmly. Hordak closed his eyes and felt his fragile heart pounding in his throat. </p><p>Despite her smaller mouth, her plush lips coaxed his into returning the kiss as much as he was capable. He truly wasn’t sure what to do, but when she bestowed another kiss upon him, he found that, to a degree, some of this capturing movement with his mouth was intuitive.</p><p>When they parted again, now slightly out of breath, a moment of fond, but surprised eye contact was shared. Entrapta’s tongue passed over her upper lip fleetingly, making a few of Hordak’s circuits misfire, before she beamed at him, shaking her hands with an excited need. Hordak continued to hold her, supporting her with his arms as she just about melted against him. </p><p>“..This is exciting. Hordak, would you consider that a successful experiment?” Entrapta asked, pressed against him and now partially folded into his lap.</p><p>“..Yes.” Hordak conjured the word to speak as he tried not to sound too eager. He was often exaggerative when it came to describing his emotions internally, but he actually did feel physically lighter. Entrapta smiled joyously</p><p>“I understand why people do this now. It’s strange and nerve-wracking, but also very thrilling. You make me feel things I’ve never felt. I wonder if that’s the endorphins. I want to move around and stay still right here all at the same time.” She lost herself in thought for a moment before she eyed him curiously. Hordak thought that he could listen to her talk all night.</p><p>Hordak saw her lift her hand and then felt her fingers trace across his facial ridges; the symmetrical lines that ran from his eyes to his cheek. Hordak’s eyes fluttered shut at the light touch and his ears twitched and lowered helplessly. Hordak was certain that if she did not stop touching him, he would surely combust at some point.</p><p>“..I recognize again that we’re from different planets. ..How does your species show affection? Is it different?” She inquired, tilting her head. Hordak took a moment before he realized he was being addressed and an answer was expected. </p><p>“I.. do not know. We were raised to be soldiers. We were not bred to be.. affectionate. Prolonged close contact was prohibited.. unless it was.. initiated by Prime..” Hordak adjusted himself uncomfortably. He did not want to discuss Prime nor his “affections”. A confused, but stern look crossed Entrapta’s face, but she didn’t say anything even if it looked like she wanted to. Hordak thought for a moment. </p><p>“Among the older clones that grew close, there was a greeting that involved the contact of touching foreheads. It was brief, but I suppose that was affection..” Hordak contemplated. </p><p>“Even if you weren’t bred for it, I think you’re pretty good at being affectionate.” Entrapta said looking up at him, easing back to give him some more space, seeping so much sincerity, Hordak could not help but to feel proud at her statement. If he could make her happy, even for a moment, that was monumental to him. </p><p>The moment was interrupted by a wide yawn coming from Entrapta, unable to hide her growing fatigue. Hordak was uncertain what time it was, but it had to have been getting late by now; they had been in the ship for hours past sundown. Hordak found himself surprised that no one had some interrupting them to check on Entrapta during all this time, seeing as the princesses certainly did not trust him.</p><p>“You require rest.” Hordak stated, taking in other signs of her physical weariness. His hands were still holding her, her weight comfortable against him and in his lap. He felt the urge to continue to hold her and never let go. The feeling was conflicting, he had never wanted to be this close to anyone before. He had never been so dependent on anyone else, he never thought that this was something he would want. Entrapta looked disappointed. </p><p>“Ohh, but sleeping is so boring! I really like experimenting in being affectionate with you as romantic partners!” She exclaimed dramatically looking directly at his face. Hordak shrinked back slightly, his heart gave a weak skip and again he was unsure how he was supposed to respond to her bold claim.</p><p>She interrupted herself with another yawn that Hordak could not possibly see as anything other than endearing. Her hair slid slowly off his shoulder as she pulled herself further back.</p><p>“Okay, fine, we should call it a successful experiment and resume tomorrow! A good scientist should know her limitations, I suppose.. Plus, we have time now!” She pondered as she stood, picking her gloves up off the floor and putting them on again. </p><p>Hordak heard the word echo in his head - time. There was time for them now. The princesses nor Prime would take her away or keep them apart. She loved him. His insides fluttered again and a shiver ran down his spine. </p><p>He blinked when he saw that she was offering him a loop of her hair for assistance in getting up. He hesitated for a moment before tentatively grasped it and she quickly helped pull him to his feet. When she kept a lock of hair wrapped securely around his hand, he held it gently. </p><p>Entrapta guided him out of the ship, patting Darla’s doorway fondly. She had only just<br/>
stepped out of the threshold before she looked up at the sky and gasped.</p><p>“Hordak, look at the stars! You can see them so clearly now without the lighting from the camp or the ships!” She exclaimed, twirling around and staring up at the black abyss in wonder. </p><p>“It’s beautiful!” She exclaimed, eyes dazzling as she fell backwards onto her hair, still looking up. Hordak was alarmed when she fell back, reaching for her until he realized it was an intentional drop. </p><p>She laid in the grass next to the ship before Hordak felt a tug on his hand and he found himself sitting again, his back against the hull of the spaceship. Entrapta squirmed her way close to him and rested her head of his lap. Hordak looked down at her in surprise, his ears upright. </p><p>She snaked a lock of hair around his waist and arm and Hordak saw the reflection of the stars in her eyes. He settled into her embrace and fought the melting feeling that made him want to vocalize. He physically relaxed his muscles and allowed her to rest against his upper leg. It was a quiet night. Hordak had scanned the area, on alert now that they were out in the open. While there was a slight chill in the air, it was still a fairly warm temperature. Entrapta still looked tired, but if she fell asleep here it should not be a problem. He would watch over her.</p><p>“There’s so much to explore.” She said, holding her arms out. “We could travel the universe! It’s huge, isn’t it? Constantly expanding? Once our assignments are finished here, would you want to go?” She inquired, looking up at him. Hordak caught her eyes.</p><p>“I believe I mentioned.. I would go anywhere with you.” He stated, feeling the truth roll freely off of his tongue.  Entrapta flushed and beamed again.</p><p>“I remember when you told me about the different planets you’d been to. Back in the Sanctum. Remember?” Hordak couldn’t have possibly forgotten. That was when he first started recognizing her for who she was. When he learned that she was genuinely interested in what he had to say.</p><p>“How many planets have you been to?” She asked curiously. Hordak had to think for a moment. She shivered and he realized his fingers were threading through the rope of hair that was around his hand. She seemed to enjoy it, looking even more sleepy, so he continued the gentle motions. </p><p>“..Countless.” Hordak finally said, recalling his days of conquest. “Hundreds. I do not clearly remember them all. And many of which may not be.. viable anymore.” Hordak had a strange feeling of guilt thinking on the civilizations he had lead to a premature demise. Under Prime’s command, he had just felt duty-bound and righteous. Knowing what he knew now about how Prime had used him, what Prime had used them all for, made him feel a bit sick. </p><p>“How old are you, Hordak?” She suddenly asked, tilting her head back and glancing up at him again. Hordak’s ear twitched as he looked back to her; he had no easy answer for this. In a way, he was used to her abrupt subject changes, attributing this to connections she was making in her mind non-verbally. </p><p>“I am.. unsure. Time was measured differently on Prime’s ship. We did not keep track of annual cycles as you Etherians do. Even the concept of individual days did not exist. I am fully matured as all of the clones are when they emerge from incubation.” Hordak said. Entrapta seemed to contemplate this. </p><p>“That means you don’t have a birthday!” She said, looking up at him. “We need to assign you a birth date so we can celebrate it annually!” Entrapta said determinedly. Hordak felt like he had seen this tradition performed on Etheria before, but was unclear why it was required for him to participate in the bizarre ritual. He looked at her, head tilted, confused. Entrapta noticed and attempted to elaborate.</p><p>“It’s a strange, Etherian tradition used to make light of getting older, but it can be fun! And there’s usually sweets involved. And a social gathering, but that part I always considered optional.” Entrapta explained. Hordak considered this. </p><p>Entrapta then broke into a large smile, looking upward. Hordak blinked at her curiously. She seemed to sense the question in the air and she shrugged as her smile grew.</p><p>“It’s just that.. I won’t have to spend it alone anymore. My birthday, I mean.. ‘cause now I have you.” She grinned, her sharp gaze attuned to him. Her lock of hair squeezed around his hand and Hordak melted again. He bowed his head slightly.</p><p>“..It would be my honor.” He said softly. Entrapta nuzzled further into his lap, sighing contentedly, eyelids drooping as Hordak weaved his claws slowly though her strands again. </p><p>“..Hordak? Can you tell me about the stars again?” She asked. Hordak remembered this conversation, over a year ago, when they worked together in the Sanctum. She always had questions for him about space and there were some days when he would answer freely. Her eyes were half-closed and Hordak was sure that she would drift off shortly. He also knew that Entrapta had to have already memorized all of this information by heart, but she wanted to hear him say it anyway. So he did.</p><p>Hordak began quietly with the formation of a star and the collapse of a nebula. He rattled on, explaining the compositions of the stars to the internal pressure and expansion. He had only just gotten to the formulary science of light travel before he realized that she was soundly asleep; the sound of soft snores reaching his sensitive ears.</p><p>He continued to comb fingers though her smooth hair, captivated by the texture and by this small creature in his lap who has changed him and trusted him enough to be at her most vulnerable with. He would protect her, Hordak vowed. He would keep her safe. </p><p>He leaned his head against Darla’s paneling, comforted by the weight of her head against his leg. Hordak stared up into the inky infinity lit by the light of the moon and asked the universe what he had done right to deserve her.</p><p>Hordak was unsure how long he sat like that, still and peaceful, listening to the sounds of Entrapta’s steady breaths and the sounds of the night. Feeling the warmth she emitted and letting himself absorb everything inwards, not letting a single, quiet moment be taken for granted.</p><p>His ears twitched as he heard the footsteps of an outsider drawing nearer. Hordak snapped wide awake, staying perfectly still, but facing the direction of the sound. A deep, menacing growl tumbled out of his throat as his ears drew back, ready to battle the intruder if he had to. Armor or no armor. </p><p>The footsteps grew slower and more cautious until Hordak could recognize a faint scent in the air. He relaxed minutely before a familiar outfit and blonde head came into view. Adora.</p><p>“Oh, uh, hi..” She looked at him tentatively before looking flustered as she took in the full scene in front of her. Hordak curled his growl into the back of his throat and started sternly at her, unmoving. Entrapta was still asleep, he could tell by the even feel of her deep breaths against him. He did not wish to disturb her much-needed rest if he did not have to. </p><p>He looked her over. Adora was hesitant and did not appear overtly threatening. Hordak caught himself just immediately before the words ‘leave us’ were about to be growled out from the depths of his chest. He had no right to make demands of anyone anymore. He had no authority, no army, no suit. Just the fact that he was alive and with Entrapta had him in the Princesses’ debt. The fact that he had his body back made him particularly in She-Ra’s debt. </p><p>Adora seemed fixated on Entrapta sleeping in his lap, his hand in her hair. Hordak interestingly was not embarrassed, but instead he felt irritated at a private moment being intruded upon. He preferred not to think of anyone else when he was with Entrapta.</p><p>“..What do you want?” Hordak said lowly. It took all of the self control Hordak had within him not to growl it out. He supposed Adora should be considered an ally now. It was because of her that Prime was gone. She appeared to treat Entrapta fairly and she did not seem to be growing hostile over how close he was to the smaller princess in this moment as some of the other princesses may have.</p><p>Adora seemed to blink back up at him, like he was snapping her out of a thought.</p><p>“..Oh, your eyes and teeth are orange now. We thought Wrong Hordak’s were turning yellow..” She lowered her voice when Hordak glared and his ears turned back. She seemed to understand that Entrapta was fast asleep. </p><p>“I’m sorry to, uh, interrupt.. The rest of the group wanted someone to check up on Entrapta to make sure she was..-“</p><p>“I am not trusted. I am aware. Are you here to take her away?” Hordak inquired plainly. He kept his outward appearance calm, but he felt his muscles subconsciously tense. It was difficult not to always believe that they would try to take her from him, that despite everything, that they were doomed to be separated. He hated how scared he was of this. The blonde princess seemed confused. </p><p>“What? No! You two are free to do.. almost what you want now..” She said scratching the back of her head anxiously. Hordak raised a brow. It wasn’t as if he did not understand them, but their statements were not matching up with their actions and Hordak felt himself losing his patience. He already lived with this paranoia that everything that they had told him was a lie. He already knew that despite as many times as he was told otherwise, he was not worthy of Entrapta and any time that they did have together was sacred, but it could not last.. could it?</p><p>“Free, but we must be under constant surveillance by this planet’s authority..?” He questioned somewhat patronizingly. Adora then appeared more flustered and somewhat frustrated. </p><p>“No, no,” She shook her head. “That’s not it..” Adora looked to be trying to find her words. </p><p>“..I’m not trying to go back on our word, it’s just.. you do realize that this is kind of.. strange and unprecedented for everyone, right?” As soon as the words left her mouth, she looked upwards and seemed to contemplate this.</p><p>“..Not that I am particularly one to talk, but-“</p><p>“And what makes you think that I care about that?”  Hordak quipped impatiently, still keeping his voice low, Entrapta snoring soundly. Adora paused and looked at him. </p><p>“You do care.” She said simply. Hordak’s ears flicked. </p><p>“You care about how the princesses will view you.” Hordak met her gaze before briefly looking down to Entrapta. She looked peaceful. He tried to borrow some of that energy.</p><p>“..It is unclear what is expected of me under your authority.” Hordak said with all of the confidence of a subordinate. Adora tilted her head and gave him a look that Hordak thought went too deep, saw too much. </p><p>“..You’re afraid.” She said finally with so much certainty, Hordak felt his lips curl in a snarl.</p><p>“..You don’t have a good track record with authority. You think we’d lie to you. That we’d separate you.” For someone who acted as childish as she did sometimes, this Adora was alarmingly intuitive and Hordak did not enjoy the way she seemed to understand others the way she did. The way she made him seem transparent underneath her gaze. </p><p>As the understanding set in, Adora looked concerned and she spoke more quietly. </p><p>“I wouldn’t allow that. Not unless she, or you, wanted it. I didn’t mean to make you feel like that. I know this isn’t.. easy for you.” She said calmly. </p><p>Hordak took a breath to speak when Entrapta chose that moment to sigh and murmur in her sleep, turning to nuzzle further into his thigh. Hordak looked to her and found it difficult to keep a look of what had to be fondness off of his face. She muttered something about hydrogen and red stars, wrapping her hair further around his hand, sending a strand winding up his arm. Hordak’s protective instincts flared inside of his chest and he tried to quell the warm feeling that travelled though him at her subconscious gesture. He did not want to show anyone else how she made him feel. That was private.</p><p>“..She really cares about you, you know.”</p><p>Hordak’s ears tilted, but he did not look at her. He knew that now. By some miracle. He kept his eyes on Entrapta and let just her mere unconscious presence calm him. He noticed goosebumps prickling over Entrapta’s bared skin and knew that her core body temperature had likely dropped. He would need to bring her to the warmed tents soon.</p><p>“...And I’m actually really glad that you care about her too.” She said quietly with a small smile. Despite himself, Hordak felt his face flush slightly and he subconsciously straightened minutely to hide his vulnerability. His ear tilted as he avoided Adora’s gaze. </p><p>But he knew this as well. So much more than that. He would not confirm or deny the princess’ accusations. He had no obligation to tell her anything. If the small woman in his arms meant more to him than she could possibly comprehend, that was his business.</p><p>“..You may leave.” Hordak finally spoke after a moment, still not looking at his unwanted guest. “I will not allow Entrapta to come to harm.” He said with finality. He wasn’t sure if this would work, but Hordak had had an exhausting day of picking apart his emotions, breaking down who he was, letting Entrapta unravel him and rebuild him again, and he did not wish to talk anymore. </p><p>Adora seemed to take the hint and Hordak was grateful for that. She raised both hands, palms out, in a palliative gesture.</p><p>“Okay, okay, I believe you.” She took a step back before hesitating. </p><p>“..You’re welcome back at the campsite. We kept everything up. ..Make sure she gets  somewhere warmer to sleep.” She told him, looking them over one more time before turning to walk back the way she came.  </p><p>Hordak looked up to watch her leave before looking back down at Entrapta, thankfully still sound asleep. He combed his claws gently through her locks again with the hand that wasn’t currently wrapped in her hair. Hordak was soothed by the rhythm of her soft breaths. She was still and warm. </p><p> </p><p>Hordak cradled her closer, as it was getting colder the later it became. As a breeze rushed though, he let himself raise a hand to softly brush her disheveled bangs back into place, tracing the small hairs that made up her brows with his eyes. Even her eyelashes were lavender. She was beautiful.</p><p>He continued to study her and before he knew what he was doing, he had bent down and gently pressed his lips to her brow. He stayed in a place for a moment, breathing in her heady scent, she smelled so pleasant. He allowed himself to scent her fringe cautiously before she started to stir.</p><p>Entrapta shifted and her eyes opened, startling Hordak. She blinked a few times, focusing.</p><p>“..Your eyes are darker now. I think they are turning red again.” She said focusing first on his eyes and then his mouth. She smiled up at him. </p><p>“Hello! I fell asleep, didn’t I?” She said before yawning again. Hordak blinked down at her before nodding, embarrassed by what he was doing before she woke. He silently hoped she didn’t notice.  His eyes dropped to her shoulders as she shivered with the next breeze. Etherians were so fragile. That would not do.</p><p>“You must sleep somewhere warm. May I carry you?” Hordak asked. This seemed to confuse Entrapta as she tilted her head, still in Hordak’s lap.</p><p>“Why? I can walk-“ She started before letting out a high pitched sound of alarm as Hordak gathered her into his arms before standing. Entrapta clung to his shoulders and coiled her hair around him. Hordak was unsure if her look of surprise was positive or not.</p><p>“..Say the word and I will place you down.” Hordak stated seriously. He did not know what had gotten into him, he was being particularly forward and she did not deserve to be manhandled. However, Hordak did find that he greatly enjoyed the feeling of her small form in his arms. Entrapta looked at him, arms around his neck. </p><p>“..This isn’t.. physically straining to you in any way?” Entrapta asked curiously. Hordak shook his head.</p><p>“No. You are.. light weight.” When he said this, Entrapta made an interested noise like she was mentally taking notes. Then seemed to ponder.</p><p>“..I usually don’t like this sort of thing, because people always assumed they could just pick me up when I was younger because I’m small, but I do kind of like this..” Hordak listened and paused.</p><p>“I had not meant to-“ He started before the princess interrupted.</p><p>“I know you didn’t. It’s okay. I like this far more than expected. It’s kind of like a hug.” She said, kicking her feet as he cradled her more tightly and started to walk toward the campground. </p><p>After a few minutes of silence, Entrapta, now seeming quite awake, spoke again.</p><p>“..Are scent and smells a big part of your species’ culture?” She inquired. Hordak only needed to think for a moment.</p><p>“..I suppose so. Our sense of smell is quite sensitive and attuned to certain hormonal changes. However, because we were never permitted to socialize or to be taught how to use this culturally, to what extent, I cannot be entirely certain.” Hordak explained. He noted her sudden interest in his species, but he did not completely know the intricacies of his own culture himself. He wondered if he would ever know. If Prime had erased all traces of their heritage. If they even existed before Prime.</p><p>“Is it part of bonding? Is that why you were sniffing me before? After you kissed my head?” Entrapta questioned and Hordak’s arms tensed under her; he nearly sputtered, alarmed.</p><p>“I-!” </p><p>“I thought it was nice. I’m not as sensitive to sound, but I’m very sensitive to touch. Next time, I would prefer if you do it while I’m awake. I don’t mind you smelling me. I thought it was cute. You just have to tell me if you don’t like any certain smells if you have a sensitive nose.”</p><p>Hordak felt his face heat and he lowered his head slightly, but of course, Entrapta noticed.</p><p>“..Oh, you’re embarrassed now, aren’t you? I can tell by your ears. Don’t be! We don’t know what our instincts are capable of when we’re experiencing something new! This is novel to both of us.” She explained brightly. </p><p>“..Do you like the way I smell?” Entrapta asked tentatively, tapping two fingers together. Hordak tried to adjust his ears to a more normal resting position. He sighed, resigned to being completely mortified around her.</p><p>“...Very much so.” He muttered lowly, relenting. Entrapta made a happy sound and squirmed in his arms gleefully. </p><p>“Oh good!” She exclaimed. “I find your scent comforting. I have a hard time describing it..” She then leaned into him and proceeded to <i>sniff his neck</i> which sent jolts of <i>something</i> down Hordak’s spine. He nearly tripped over his own feet when her nose touched the bottom of his ear, the soft touch and feel of her heated breath on his sensitive ear pinna sent it into rapid, defensive twitching. This seemed to intrigue Entrapta as her face remained close to his despite his instinctively leaning away from the disturbance. </p><p>The curious princess then reached a finger up to lightly trace the edge of his ear and Hordak’s knees nearly buckled. </p><p>A small, strangled sound escaped his mouth before he halted it at the source. Entrapta froze as Hordak gripped her tighter as his whole body shuddered. He stopped walking altogether, willing himself to remain upright. Once he was certain that he would not sink to the ground, he tried to compose himself because <i>that</i> was new. </p><p><i>“Entrapta.”</i> He let out, sounding strained - part scolding, part pleading. He was not even certain how to complete that thought. He didn’t even know what that was. Entrapta was focused intently on him.</p><p>“Oh. Oops. Sorry! Your ears were blushing and it was really cute. Is that another ‘no-touch’ place?” She asked tentatively, now looking a bit regretful. Hordak hesitated before shaking his head.</p><p>“Not-..” He started, before he realized he was not sure how to describe this. How was he supposed to say that even he did not even know how sensitive his own ears were? That no one else besides himself had ever touched them before? This was all so strange.  Definitely worth further evaluation at a later date, but if Entrapta peeled back any more of his vulnerabilities today, he was not sure if he would even make it to tomorrow. She would be the death of him, he was sure of it. </p><p>“..They are.. sensitive.” He decided on, hoping this response would satisfy her. Entrapta studied him for a moment before looking away.</p><p>“..Okay! I’ll ask permission before I touch your ears next time.” She said simply. Hordak boggled. <i>Next time?</i></p><p>He looked down at her again, dragging his eyes off of the surrounding terrain. She was smiling, but there was something different about it. Mischievous, almost. Was that in jest? Was she teasing him?</p><p>Hordak swallowed and felt slightly overwhelmed at the thought that he had managed to enter into a romantic relationship with the most important being in his life and he had no idea what he was doing. The only thing that made this entire scenario feel real was the weight of Entrapta in his arms. Otherwise he was sure that he could convince himself that he merely dreamed this entire day. </p><p> </p><p>By the grace of something, they made it back to Entrapta’s tent, and finally without being bothered by another one of Entrapta’s comrades, or a clone, or a talking horse... </p><p>The rest of the campground was silent and dark. Hordak was relieved to find the space within the tent flaps warmer in temperature and he carried Entrapta to the edge of the bed. He gently lowered her onto the surface and once again, Entrapta’s letting go of him with her many ‘limbs’ seemed reluctant. Hordak backed away to lower the light so she could rest. The light was low, but Hordak could see how her eyes watched him. </p><p>“Hordak..?” Entrapta began, but Hordak’s eyes were pulled to an abnormal reflection of light in a pile of cloth items on the floor. Upon further inspection the shape of the object seemed familiar, half hidden under a tarp. Hordak reached to pull it out.</p><p>“Your-“</p><p>“My tape recorder!!” She exclaimed gleefully. Taking it out of Hordak’s hand so quickly with her hair, he wondered if he had even held it at all.</p><p>“Hordak, you’re brilliant! Just when I thought today couldn’t get any better!!” </p><p>He felt a small smile come to his face at her joy. His eyes followed her as she launched herself off of the bed and was zipping across the room. </p><p>“I have so much recording to catch up on! And I don’t have to make another recorder! That’s one less thing on the list of things to do once we get home!”</p><p>Hordak realized that she had already started recording.</p><p>“We’re going to have to design a huge cleaning robot for all of the battlefield damage, a transport system to get us from one place to the next for travel, protective equipment for Beast Island, I definitely have to design new weather-appropriate gear, new coveralls, new gloves! I’ve needed new work gloves for ages-“ </p><p>“You need not-“ Hordak had hardly realized that he had started speaking before he realized that he had interrupted her. He snapped his mouth shut. Entrapta stopped recording and looked over to him curiously.</p><p>“I ‘need not’ what?” She asked. Hordak understood with clarity that his tongue was become extremely loose around her. He hadn’t meant to tell her right now..</p><p>“It is nothing.” Hordak straightened and tried to brush it off. He knew almost immediately that that was not going to work. Entrapta moved closer to him, hovering on her hair and looking at him with her head tilted as if she knew there was more to be said. Hordak had never in his life been so transparent to another being. The more she stared at him, the more he felt his face heat. Hordak sighed in defeat. She had previously rejoiced in his honesty..</p><p>“..The gloves. You.. need not design new ones. ..I already have, for you..” He slowly forced out. Entrapta’s eyes lit up.</p><p>“You have?? Hordak, you.. made new gloves, for me?” She rose up closer to his height. Hordak looked to the side. </p><p>“..If they have not been destroyed in the Fright Zone..” </p><p>Entrapta squeezed her hands into fists and they shook with excitement. Her eyes were large and her stare made Hordak jittery.</p><p>“When?? When did you have time to..”</p><p>Hordak’s ears stiffened as he felt his face heat even more.  </p><p>“When you.. were injured..” Hordak grew frustrated with his inability to communicate normally with her, stumbling over his own embarrassment. He let out a quick breath through his nose and lifted his head in a false sense of confidence. He motioned to the first knuckle of his own right hand and spoke, not looking directly at her, gaze directed just above her.</p><p>“I had not wished for you to become unable to work. It was clear that the previous design of your gloves was flawed and lacked certain protective measures that allowed you to perform to your optimal ability, therefore I saw an opportunity to-“ </p><p>Hordak was abruptly cut off by the feeling of her hands on his face and her lips pushed against his again. Hordak was shocked into silence as Entrapta pulled away. While her face was red, her eyes were moist and she looked at him seriously. This made Hordak nervous and his knees and heart were only hanging on by a thread. </p><p>“..En-trapta?” He questioned hesitantly. He cursed the crack in his own voice. </p><p>“..Oh, your eyes are red again. I’m sorry if that was rude. Do you believe in the concept of soulmates?” She asked rapidly. Hordak was not sure what to think of that, he had only loosely ever heard of this term before.</p><p>“It’s funny. I never believed in destiny before. Until you.” Entrapta wiped at one of her eyes with the back of her sleeve. She rose up to his height and she looked at him again with such adoration, almost pleading. Hordak was captivated and he felt any resistance within him melt away. </p><p>“..Hordak, can you.. Can you promise me again that you’ll stay?” Her eyes watered as they looked directly into his. Hordak felt his resolution manifest as something wild and immensely powerful within him. There was nothing in this universe that could keep him from her. </p><p>He recognized a burning sensation collapsing his inhibitions and drowning his insecurities. When he finally understood what this was, the answer was obvious; it was love that was heating his soul. </p><p>He took her hand gently and leaned their foreheads together again. </p><p>“I will stay.” He vowed, he promised, as he closed his eyes. His chest vibrated with vocalizations as Entrapta nuzzled against him and firmly squeezed his hand. </p><p>“Always.”</p><p>The night was his witness, his word was his honor, and for the first time in his life, Hordak finally felt that things would be alright. He still did not know how to be hers, but he would spend his life trying, and for once, that actually felt like enough.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Well. I made myself cry.</p><p>Thank you so much readers for your encouragement. I hope that it melts you as much as it melted me. This was so difficult to end, it’s not a perfect ending, and I agonized over it for a bit, but I hope you enjoyed.</p><p>Your feedback means a lot! Thank you so much especially to those who have been here from the start! </p><p>I am not quite done with this verse and I will hopefully have some smaller additions in the future. </p><p>Stay safe, everyone.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This story started off as a solely self-indulgent catharsis after the series ended, but then it kept going.</p><p>I have not shared fanfic in a very long time, so I'd love feedback. </p><p>Story title comes from this lovely song of the same name: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QQLbsp_xhx0</p></blockquote></div></div>
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